Young Writers Society

Totally and completely pointless but I crack up every time I think about our mini play.

Narrator: One day, Toothpaste met Toothbrush and they fell deeply in love.

Toothpaste & Toothbrush: Oh how I love you <3

Narrator: They spent many happy years together, doing what they loved most, cleaning teeth.

*Brushing Tooth*

Narrator: But suddenly, tragedy struck, and Toothbrush was thrown away.

Toothbrush: Ahhhhhhh!

Narrator: Toothpaste was so depressed with the loss of its companion, it emptied itself.

Toothpaste: Blehhhh! *emptying noise*

Narator: And so ends the tragic tale of Toothpaste and Toothbrush.

oh my god no!!!

lol, make it longer

So sad and funny, lol. But I agree, make it longer!

Longer! Longer! Oh, how I'd love to see what happens to poor, depressed toothpaste!

lol...
poor toothbrush

I agree, longer would be nice

O.o
...WHAT HAPPENS NEXT??!?!?!!!! I MUST KNOWWWWWWW!!

*Snigers* That was... Wierd yet funny...

~Pol~

Aw, I feel so bad for the toothbrush! This is, like, a guilttrap or something - I'm going to be afraid to throw away toothbrushes for awhile now....

This makes me giggle. Expand! Encore! What happened during their relationship? What happened to the toothpaste? It makes me sad...More! Because at the same time it makes me smile.

~Luna~

Narrator: One day, Toothpaste met Toothbrush and they fell deeply in love.



Toothpaste & Toothbrush: Oh how I love you <3



Narrator: They spent many happy years together, doing what they loved most, cleaning teeth.



*Brushing Tooth* <--- isn't that s'pose to be... teeth?



Narrator: But suddenly, tragedy struck, and Toothbrush was thrown away.



Toothbrush: Ahhhhhhh! (WHAT HAPPENED TO TOOTH BRUSH!?)



Narrator: Toothpaste was so depressed with the loss of its companion, it emptied itself.



Toothpaste: Blehhhh! *emptying noise*



Narator: And so ends the tragic tale of Toothpaste and Toothbrush.

I thought it was funny(: WRITE SOME MORE!!!

This could be a Listerine commercial or something ... Maybe Oral B.

Anyways, onto the review. I picked this simply because it's called a "Toothpaste Tragedy". How many tragedies involving toothpaste are there out there? Not many, I can tell you that.

Alrighty then, just some things:

Narrator: They spent many happy years together, doing what they loved most, cleaning teeth

Maybe change it to this:

Narrator: They spent many happy years together, doing what they loved most: cleaning teeth

Other than that, I liked the ending. It'll give me a while new outlook to teeth-brushing and such. Now I'll never throw out my old toothbrushes and paste tubes -- I will start a collection.

All-in-all, this wasn't very long. Probably an uber-short skit, if anything. However, it could be a commerical, set in the form of a soap-opera or something.

I liked this! Great, refreshing, simple. My favourite part is at the very begining

Toothpaste & Toothbrush: Oh how I love you <3

Just the simplicity clues me into what I can expect from the rest, and the funniest thing, how do you say <3 ? Maybe "heart", maybe making a heart with your hands. Whatever was meant by it, I loved it, it through my head first into the script and how random and non-sense full it was.
Anyway, the script is very brief, and I enjoy it that way, since more length would mean more commitment from the reader, meaning that the reader would take it more seriously. And as well, if you change it, then you risk ruining it. But you'll definately be ruining the memory of drama class if you lengthen it if you ask me. It's really funny, and I can easily imagine two people dressed as a toothbrush and toopaste acting this out.
Thank you for sharing this, it was refreshing and enjoyable! Keep writing

Ridiculous, nonsense, pointless... Congratulations! You are the new William Shakespeare.
In all seriousness, what you have done which I will give you some credit for is taking an even which we all think absolutely nothing of - like throwing away a tooth brush - and turned it into a tragic tale. To think a simple small piece about throwing away a dodgy toothbrush should make someone smile.

This can be a great children’s play, and it falls in line with other scripts which were written to be purposefully stupid (in a good way) and a load of nonsense, like Spaceballs, Airplain!, and Hot Fuzz just to name a few.

Don’t expect this to be the next Broadway smash hit, though. But keep it in the back of your portfolio. You might be able to use it to develop a serious and longer play. And it’s these little things which form the basis of greater and funnier things. In terms of comedy, you’re getting here, as this piece strikes me as being very satirical.

Good luck with future writing.

And, oh, what the heck? Make it longer! We all wanna see what happens next!

(And I’m sorry if I have said some things which have upset or bagged this out.)