This is a short, one-and-a-quarter scene play, as I like to call it. It takes place at a Seance, where things go amusingly wrong. It is a five person play, also requiring at least two other people required to assist with special effects.
CHARACTERS:
The MEDIUM: Should be a mystic-looking man in long magician-type robes. He should also speak in a mystical voice, which he loses when he becomes flustered. He is rather irritable, and dislikes uncooperative participants in his séances. His goal is to keep the troublesome HEAD in line and wow his customers, insuring their return. His name, according to the HEAD, is Paul.
The HEAD: A trapped female spirit, perhaps wearing a turban, or headdress. She is, for most of the scene, confined to her crystal ball. She dislikes her frequent summoning by the MEDIUM. She is actually very malevolent towards anyone who summons her. However, she, in her life, liked star bucks and “the fine things.” Still, she has a major attitude. Her name, according to the MEDIUM, is/was Daisy.
PERSON 1: He should be a ‘good old boy.’ He should be wearing simple, almost hick-style clothes, i.e. plaid shirt, vest, baseball cap, and jeans. If possible, he should have a strong southern accent. His reason for being at the séance is to check up on his recently departed grandfather.
PERSON 2: A twitchy, inquisitive fellow, who likes to cut corners. He has a slight disregard for authority. He should have oily hair, dark clothes, and possibly a facial tick. He is the boyfriend of PERSON 3. He should be very intent and alert at the séance. His reason for being there is to know for certain what comes after life.
PERSON 3: In a word, blonde. She should have a definite air of not really knowing why she is at the séance. She should be dressed fashionably, with sunglasses, a cute hat, boots, jeans, and a (preferably pink) blouse. She should be bored, but still must convey a bright, perky, ditzy-ness. Her reasons for being at the séance are that her boyfriend, PERSON 2, dragged her along.
The Séance
Curtain
(A round table, covered with a white table cloth that reaches down to the floor is down center stage. A large crystal ball sits in the center of the table. Three people attending a Séance are sitting around the table. A Medium, directly behind the crystal ball, has a large book in front of him. Set a mysterious and dark mood using fog and dim lighting.)
MEDIUM: (In a mystical voice) Oh, spirit of the Crystal Orb, come!
SEANCERS: Come!
MEDIUM: Ascend to us, O spirit of Earth!
SEANCERS: Come!
MEDIUM: We bring gifts, physical offerings for your suffering soul! …. (No one responds)
MEDIUM: Ahem… I said, we bring physical offerings for your suffering soul!
PERSON 1: Oh, Yeah! (Places a lump of cheese on the table) My offering.
MEDIUM: What... is that?
PERSON 1: ... Cheese?
MEDIUM: (Sighs) Fine… Very well….
MEDIUM: Now, O spirit of fire, we offer gifts of the warmth and light desired by your deprived soul!
PERSON 2: (places a lit flashlight on the table) My offering!
MEDIUM: (Stares in disbelief, drops mystical voice.) Moving on…
MEDIUM: (Resumes speaking in mystical voice.)O most worthy spirit of air, we bring incense to please your fickle moods!
PERSON 3: (Pulls Out a bottle of perfume, makes a big show of spraying it) My offering.
MEDIUM: (Dropping Mystical voice)I said incense, not perfume!
PERSON 3: Hey, don’t diss the Dior!
MEDIUM: (Shakes head, pauses, then continues in mystical voice) O, Great Spirit, with these gifts, I beg, appear before us! Come, friends, let us join hands, so I may channel this great power!
(They take hands. The MEDIUM begins to chant nonsense. The nonsense turns into semi-distinguishable words. The MEDIUM should distort these words as much as possible, keeping the chanting beat.)
MEDIUM: What? What! No! Not this again! I won’t! Not unless I get a pay raise! No! Give me my payment first!
(The word ‘first’ trails off, and the MEDIUM jerks backward. He peers into the Crystal Ball.)
MEDIUM: Now, let us see what we will see!
(The MEDIUM turns the Crystal Ball, revealing the floating head inside of it.)
(PEOPLE 1, 2, & 3 gasp.)
HEAD: Alright, let’s get this over with. What do you want?
MEDIUM: O spirit, see that we have given you these gifts –
HEAD: Cheese? What’s with the cheese, Paul! Where’s my latte? You promised me last time that you’d get me a latte!
MEDIUM: (going on like he hasn’t heard the HEAD) - and we beg you accept, and answer –
HEAD: What is that? A flashlight? God, Paul, things are going downhill.
MEDIUM: - the questions of the respectful givers.
HEAD: Although, there is a lovely smell in the air. What’s that? Poison?
PERSON 3: J’Adore, actually.
HEAD: Great choice. Hey, Paul, I think we have a winner here. (the HEAD winks mockingly at the MEDIUM)
MEDIUM: Right, right, moving on. O, Spirit!
HEAD: Who else is squished in this little ball? Get on with it.
MEDIUM: I pray thee, answer our questions!
HEAD: Thee? God, you must be desperate. Alright, who’s first?
PERSON 1: M-me, miss floating head thing…
HEAD: Oh, that’s very nice - not. What do you want?
PERSON 1: I was wondering, how’s my old granddad getting on? You know, up there. (Gestures to the ceiling.)
HEAD: Oh, dear, one of these is it? Okay, let me see, let me see…
HEAD [Channeling the Grandfather]: Boy! What are you doing at this ridiculous voodoo session?! I’m fine, darn it! Now get!
PERSON 1 yelps and scrambles away from the table and off stage.
HEAD: Alright, next contestant. Who’s up?
PERSON 2: (eagerly) Me.
HEAD: The flashlight one, eh? This ought to be good.
PERSON 2: What’s it like being dead? What’s the afterlife like?
HEAD: Tricky one, tricky one. You didn’t specify which afterlife, I notice. You sure you want this answered?
PERSON 2: Yes!
HEAD: Okay, you asked for it. How about this, then? I’ll show you. Paul? Turn me around to face flashlight-guy…
The MEDIUM turns the globe so that the opening is facing PERSON 2. A blinding white light is shined in PERSON 2’s face. Scary music plays while he whimpers, wails, and yells.
PERSON 2: My eyes!
(PERSON 2 faints dead away on the floor. The MEDIUM turns the Crystal Ball back to face the audience. The HEAD looks rather smug.)
PERSON 3: Hey, that's my boyfriend!
HEAD: I love it when they do that.
MEDIUM: But you don’t have to clean up the mess….
HEAD: Shut up. Who’s next?
PERSON 3: Uh… I am.
HEAD: Ah, the lady with the lovely perfume. What’s up, girlie?
PERSON 3: Uh, I was, like, wondering....
(PERSON 3 pauses and thinks for a surprisingly long amount of time. The HEAD sighs, and rolls her eyes. The MEDIUM also slowly begins to show irritation. Finally, a question dawns on PERSON 3.
PERSON 3: Like, how did you die?
HEAD: (Startled) …What?
PERSON 3: Um… How did you, like, die?
HEAD: (angry) No one has ever asked me that! (the table begins to rise) Do you have any idea how stressful the very thought is? I mean, think about it! I’m a freaking head!
PERSON 3: Well, when you put it that way…
HEAD: Darn right! A freaking head, no less, which can’t even get her stinking summoner to buy her something from Starbucks now and again!
PERSON 3: Ouch.
(The MEDIUM winces, and tries to turn the Crystal Ball)
MEDIUM: I think that’s enough…
(The table jerks upward out of his reach.)
HEAD: Do you know that I never wanted to be a gypsy-Crystal-Ball head? I just wanted a nice, peaceful afterlife, but no, mister ‘I’m-a-freaking-brilliant-medium’ here just decided that I was the perfect ghost for the job.
PERSON 3: Um, maybe I should be going….
HEAD: What? Going? Get me something while you’re out? Latte? Frappe? Anything?
PERSON 3: Er, sure?
(PERSON 3 runs offstage, dragging PERSON 2 behind her.)
MEDIUM: Now, look what you’ve done. You’ve scared my customers off, Daisy.
HEAD: So? You’re an idiot anyway. I mean, honestly, Cheese and flashlights? You are so dim! Let me tell you, buddy, you’re not getting any customers anymore!
(The table with the HEAD on it drifts toward the MEDIUM)
MEDIUM: Now, let’s talk about this… Hey, what – what are you doing?!
HEAD: It’s called revenge, dummy. You lost control of the Séance. Now it’s your turn to see what it’s like in this stupid ball!
(the MEDIUM yells as the table sweeps over him; he’s lost beneath the table cloth. Lights dim briefly, before coming back up. The former HEAD is standing, wearing the MEDIUM’s clothes, at the Crystal Ball table with three different people around it (or it could be the same three, with different costumes).
HEAD: Okay, Paul, you can come out now!
(The former HEAD turns the Crystal Ball. Inside, the head of the MEDIUM is glaring up at her.)
MEDIUM: I’m so going to get you for this when I get out.
Scene.
Gender:
Points: 3013
Reviews: 24