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Young Writers Society


Endangered Seas (Scenes 1 + 2)



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Gender: Male
Points: 266
Reviews: 33
Sun Nov 14, 2010 10:59 am
TheRobster1991 says...



This is a film Script
FADE IN:

EXT - TRIBAL VILLAGE - NIGHT
A multitude of villagers, bathed in flickering yellow light
from the camp-fire, gather crystals of various hue and
colour. There are no more than seven crystals

In the village there are huts that are more advanced than
what you’d expect from an old tribal system

The huts all surround one huge central construction, which
is where the crystals are being gathered. ZAKIOUS, mid 40s,
Caucasian is the overseer to these events. MYKLOSS, late
20s, sharp looking, is helping him

OLD ZAKIOUS – (V.O): A long, long time ago, before the
dawn of man there arose a tribe, the Immortalitas. Who
had learned the hidden secrets of power and immortality.
Each having access to a unique ability.

EXT - GRASSLAND – DAY BREAK
Groups of men are together with some women and children.
The women and children are not part of the Immortalitas

The men levitate huge boulders to form a bridge over a
raging river. The women and children cross over the river
using the boulders

OLD ZAKIOUS – (V.O): Some had authority over earth.
Rolling stones or boulders without physical confrontation.
Some had authority over fire, having the ability to cast
flames. They were aided however with the seven sacred
crystals.

INT – CENTRAL CONSTRUCTION – NIGHT
Inside are the crystals. They are all glowing with inner
light shining brilliantly

OLD ZAKIOUS – (V.O): Four of them possessing the
ability of authority over earth, fire, water and wind.
They had elected a leader amongst them. The most
powerful and wise.

EXT - TRIBAL VILLAGE – DAY
Zakious gets crowned in a coronation. Mykloss raises a
staff from the ground and hands it to him in honour

OLD ZAKIOUS – (V.O): Zakious, the high. He was in a
great position because he had control over all the
seven elements, not just one singular strand. There
was a code between him and all the others on this
tribe. That code was to use it only for the good of
the children of the dust, but not to reveal the secrets
of the Immortalitas.

EXT - TRIBAL VILLAGE – DAY BREAK
Zakious sends some guards to stand by the Central
construction. As they stand their fists turn into flames.
Mykloss looks over at them in contempt

OLD ZAKIOUS – (V.O): The greatest power they had in
possession was Immortality, to never age. But because
of this they produced no children of their own.
Immortality and impotency hand in hand, otherwise the
world would overcrowd and exhaust into nothing.
Leaving a wasteland for the inhabitants.

EXT – VILLAGE - GRASSLAND – EVENING
A crowd surrounds Mykloss. He is holding a flaming torch
as if to usurp and cause a riot

OLD ZAKIOUS - (V.O.): There was one there, who was
envious of Zakious’ high position. He tried to lead a
rebellion. But when all refused he…

The mobs start jeering at Mykloss

OLD ZAKIOUS - (V.O.) (CONT’D): He murdered them.

Mykloss raises his fists covered in flame and begins
killing them all, they try to fight back but he is too
strong for them. He starts to use rocks and wind as well

Zakious appears having witnessed the killings

OLD ZAKIOUS - (V.O.) (CONT’D): When Zakious had seen what
was done he was furious.

Zakious examines the bodies and mourns. He turns to
confront Mykloss who is totally without remorse and
detached from the victims

ZAKIOUS: How could you Mykloss? I gave you
power, authority. You were even my right
hand man. But you proud, unhumbled creature,
found wanting! You murderer!

MYKLOSS: Don’t you understand? I want to be
at the top very top you fool. I will ascend into
then; I will exalt my throne above the stars. I
will also sit on the mount of the congregation.
On the furthest sides of the north; I will
ascend above the heights of the clouds, I will
be like the High!

ZAKIOUS: And yet, you shall be brought down
to hell! To the lowest depths of the Pit!

A vicious fight between Zakious and Mykloss, the ground
shakes violently. Sharp, hard rocks poke up and down out of
the ground. They are very careful of these, avoiding
getting severely pierced. They cast flames at each other,
amongst lumps of earth. They also use the winds

As a sharp piece of hard rock pokes up nearly hitting
Mykloss he jumps out of the way. Just as it is about to
fall back down Mykloss kicks it. Making it break off and
fly toward Zakious

Zakious raises his arms and crosses them. Just as it is
about to hit him, he drops his arms down bringing a large
lump of another piece of hard rock in front of him just as
the one Mykloss sent comes very close to hitting him. They
both collide and smash into smaller pieces and dust

Mykloss grunts. He flutters wind back at Zakious, who goes
back a little. Some of the ground comes up and grips
Zakious's feet. The same happens with Mykloss’s feet

The sharp pointed rocks all go back down into the ground as
the ground stops shaking. They shoot fireballs and large
rocks at each other. They start to use wind to try and
force each other over. Each is firmly standing, failing to
be moved

Zakious causes weeds to grow up around Mykloss’ legs. But
Mykloss cuts it with a sharp rock

MYKLOSS: Is that all you’ve got old man?

ZAKIOUS: Mykloss, you were once pure, what
happened to you?

MYKLOSS: What you see as pure and what I
see as pure are completely different. I have
not destroyed Immortalitas, I attempted to
purify it.

Mykloss raises a large clump of rock behind his back so
that it is hidden from Zakious

ZAKIOUS: By ridding of me.

MYKLOSS: Self imposed leader. You’re not a
leader, but a fraud.

ZAKIOUS (Angry): I gave you EVERYTHING. You
ungrateful wretch!

Mykloss thrusts the lump of rock suddenly and sharply.
Zakious is surprised then just about dodges it; he jostles
the rock back at Mykloss twice the original speed. Mykloss
is hit. He falls to the ground; his feet break through the
rock in the process

Zakious' feet grip crumbles away as he walks toward Mykloss.
He raises Mykloss to the air and draws light out of him
before dropping him. He gets up, somewhat bewildered. He
then examines his own hands, as Zakious just stands there
looking at him

He tries to affect earth and fire again, but the ground
only tremors and the fire flickers. When he tries again
there is nothing

MYKLOSS (Grunts): What have you done?

ZAKIOUS: I have taken your goodness away.
You no longer have power over earth or fire.

MYKLOSS: How?

ZAKIOUS: Ah, but you forget Mykloss that I
am more powerful than you will ever be.

MYKLOSS: Once I get the crystals I will
have all the power.

ZAKIOUS: You’re too late, they have already
been scattered!

MYKLOSS (Loud, defeated): No(!)

Mykloss forces wind at Zakious, forcing him backwards into
the giant sized hut. He goes crashing through it, making it
collapse on top of him. Mykloss approaches him slowly

MYKLOSS (CONT’D): Get up dog. I said get up.

Zakious starts to crawl out. Mykloss shakes his head and
disappears into the darkness. Zakious gets out.

Zakious starts to age

OLD ZAKIOUS - (V.O.): He had undone me. Immortality was
seeping out of me. My regenerate body was slowly but surely
becoming generate again. But I looked into the future and
saw seven chosen ones with whom I will use to destroy the
works of the evil one. Each member recognizable by the
birthmark of the Immortalitas. They shall need help from
the sacred crystals, and destinies. Which I will help steer,
to keep them on the path of light.

INT – WARBUNKER – NIGHT
Zakious, who now looks to be in his 50s, pins up a poster
saying ‘May God be with us in our time of need and end
this Nazi Oppression’

He looks around and reveals one of the crystals. It is
brown. He pins it high on the wall. He looks around and
quickly leaves

EXT – BOAT – EVENING
Mykloss is attacking the people on the boat. Zakious
appears and starts defending them. Mykloss flees

OLD ZAKIOUS - (V.O.): But for now, I have been keeping
Mykloss at bay for almost five thousand years, foiling all
of his plans. Until alas, I am dying! This is the story of
Immortalitas.

FADE OUT

EXT – MANSION GROUNDS – DAY

SUPERIMPOSE:
“The Johnson Household”

Scroll over the Mansion, it has a huge garden and an
outdoor pool, with a springboard

INT - BASEMENT - DAY
JAKE, 19, Tall, with a soft looking face and PHILLIP, Tall
and skinny are there. It is dark and cramped with lots of
old junk, vases, statues, etc… The ceiling is high up,
about 18 feet, with a singular bulb hanging down. They both
have torches

JAKE: Remind me, why are we down here
again Phillip?

PHILLIP: You know I want my typewriter back.

JAKE: There was a reason Mum and Dad got
rid of it.

PHILLIP: That’s what they say.

JAKE: Phillip, the letters A, Z, E, D
and G are missing.

PHILLIP: And?

JAKE: And?(!) I’ll write ‘Mu’ on my
forehead. Mu(!)

Phillip scratches his head in confusion

PHILLIP: I still like that typewriter.

JAKE: I think its best that you just
leave it be Phil.

PHILLIP: Well I don’t.

Jake sighs, loudly

JAKE: We shouldn’t even be in here.

PHILLIP: I know but…

JAKE (Interrupting): Are you absolutely sure
the light doesn’t work?

PHILLIP: Yeah.

JAKE (Goes to light switch): Well, I’m not too sure;
I’m going to check it myself.

Jake turns the switch on but all the bulb does is flicker
then explode

PHILLIP: Oh dear.

JAKE: That figures.

PHILLIP: I told you it didn’t work.

JAKE: Yeah I know.

PHILLIP: You should listen to me more often.

Jake scoffs

PHILLIP (CONT’D): Are you going to change the bulb?

JAKE (Turns switch off): If I must.

Jake leaves the basement placing the torch into his back
pocket turning it off. He covers it up with his top

INT – HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
As he comes out he shuts the door

He goes through the hallway cautiously watching to make
sure he doesn’t get caught

INT – KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
Jake enters where he opens a drawer and retrieves a spare
light bulb

He leaves

INT - BASEMENT – CONTINUOUS
Jake enters

PHILLIP: Where did you get the bulb then?

JAKE: Well, there’s a spares cupboard in
the kitchen.

PHILLIP: Oh there is?

JAKE (Walking over to ladder): Yes, now help me
move this ladder.

PHILLIP: Okay.

Phillip and Jake both move the ladder until it is under the
light bulb. Jake goes up the ladder and begins to unwind
the bulb

PHILLIP (CONT’D): You remember Billy-Joe, don’t you?

JAKE: Oh yes, I remember that arsehole
alright. I’m glad I’m not at school anymore.

PHILLIP: Yeah, you’ve got it easy, I don’t
like school.

JAKE: No one does mate.

Jake finishes unscrewing the bulb and places it into his
pocket. He grabs the other one. He screws it in

JAKE (CONT’D): Now that’s done, we can turn the
light on.

PHILLIP: Okay.

Phillip turns the light on, but it again flickers and
turns off

Jake looks at it, puzzled

JAKE: Maybe the fuse is broken.

Jake climbs down

JAKE (CONT’D): Let’s go.

They start searching around the basement. Examining the
different things

JAKE (CONT’D): We’d better hurry up. Gregory’s
lunch break finishes soon.

PHILLIP: Yeah but Gregory won’t mind, he’s
a dude.

JAKE: The only one that don’t. He
wouldn’t be here if we hadn’t won
the lottery.

PHILLIP: Dad still never gave up work.

JAKE: He loves it all the more I guess.

PHILLIP (Frustrated): Oh, I can’t find
it anywhere.

Jake leans against some drawers

JAKE: Let’s just get out of here before
we get caught.

Jake looks up and sees a poster with ‘May God be with us in
our time of need and end this Nazi Oppression’ and a dark
brown crystal, one of the sacred ones

JAKE (CONT’D): What’s this?

Jake shines his torch on the crystal; it has an inner glow
when the light shines on it. Phillip comes over

JAKE (CONT’D): Whoa! A glowing crystal.

PHILLIP (At poster): What is that? May God be with us
in our time of need and end this Nazi Oppression?

JAKE: It’s a poster.

PHILLIP: It’s not much of a poster.

JAKE: Well, this was a war bunker once
upon a time…(Thinking) Well, part of it.

Phillip pulls the poster down and blows it. Much dust
comes off. Phillip turns it around

PHILLIP: Jake. Check this out. A letter.

JAKE: Really?

PHILLIP: Yeah, on the back of a poster?

JAKE: Seems like a hidden letter to me.

PHILLIP: Check out the handwriting, it’s as
old as anything.

JAKE: Must be. It has more holes in it
than Swish Cheese. Read it.

PHILLIP: Okay. ‘Dear chosen ones. You are
seven, you number three’ what? This doesn’t
make any sense.

JAKE: Just read it.

PHILLIP: ‘You each have unique abilities,
find other four. You each have a
recognizable birthmark on your right arm’.

Both Jake and Phillip lift their sleeves up revealing
exactly identical birthmarks on their right arms. Phillip
continues reading

PHILLIP (CONT’D): ‘You must stop the evil Mykloss.
He will’ hole here. ‘By this he will’ big one here.
‘Don’t try and do it alone. Collect the seven sacred
crystals. They have been scattered. Beware of the
false’ and here. ‘He will split’ Hole here as well.
‘Good luck and best wishes Zakious’ (Pause) That
was certainly entertaining.

JAKE: Yes very, unclear as well with all
these holes. (Admiring the crystal) I
suppose you are the sacred crystal then.

Jake touches the crystal. As he does the inner glow from
the crystal disappears and reappears inside Jake. Jake
falls straight to the ground

FADE TO BLACK.

PHILLIP (V.O): Jake. Jake. Can you hear me? Jake?

FADE TO:
Last edited by TheRobster1991 on Fri Mar 11, 2011 9:42 am, edited 7 times in total.
  





User avatar
113 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 11260
Reviews: 113
Mon Nov 15, 2010 11:40 pm
CreativeFreak says...



Hello! :D
I'm going to attempt to review a majority of this...Phew, wish me luck. :D

*Note: Remember to put periods at the end of all you sentences. I will only do some sentences as examples, but not the whole script.
*Note: Make sure you are using the word, "But" at the right times. You have a lot of mistakes following this. If you have someone continuing their sentence do NOT end with a period and continue with "But" even if you are creating dramatic pauses. I will only do some sentences as examples, but not the whole script.
*Note: [*] will be used to warn you whenever I catch those incorrections written above.

FADE IN:

EXT - TRIBAL VILLAGE - NIGHT

There is what appears to be an ancient tribal village, with many of the residents dressed in old robes. They all seem to be gathering up a multitude of crystals, all different in colour. There are no more than seven in total (Period)

In the village there are huts that are more advanced than what you’d expect from an old tribal village, for one instance they have doors with hinges (Period)

The huts all surround one giant sized hut, which is where the crystals are being gathered. ZAKIOUS, mid 40s, Caucasian is the overseer to these events. MYKLOSS, late 20s, sharp looking, is helping him (Period)

OLD ZAKIOUS – (V.O What does that mean?): (As a narrator for the scene) A long, long time ago, before the dawn of man there (Comma) arose a tribe, the Tikoki Tribe. Who Never begin your sentences with a "Who." Either continue your sentence or start a new one with the past sentence had learned the hidden secrets of power and immortality. Each having access to a unique ability. Continued sentence -->Some had authority over earth. Continued sentence -->Rolling stones or boulders without physical confrontation. Some had authority over fire, having the ability to cast flames. They were aided however with the seven sacred crystals. Four of them possessing the ability of authority over earth, fire, water and wind. They had elected a leader amongst them. The most powerful and wise. Continued sentence -->Zakious, the most high. He was in a great position because he had control over all the seven elements, not just one singular strand. There was a code between him and all the others on this tribe. That code was to use it only for the good of Adam-kind, but not to reveal the secrets of the Tikoki. The greatest power they had in possession was Immortality, to never age. Can't begin this sentence with "but" But because of this they produced no children of their own, they couldn’t. The world would overcrowd and exhaust out into nothing (Period)

EXT – VILLAGE - GRASSLAND – EVENING

A crowd surrounds MYKLOSS. He is holding a flaming torch as if to usurp and cause a riot (Period)

OLD ZAKIOUS - (V.O.): There was one there, who was envious of Zakious’ high position. He tried to lead a rebellion.Can't start this sentence with "But" But when all refused he…

The mobs start jeering at MYKLOSS

OLD ZAKIOUS - (V.O.) (CONT’D): He murdered them

MYKLOSS raises his fists covered in flame and begins killing them all, they try to fight back (Comma) but he is too strong for them. He starts to use rocks and wind as well (Period)

ZAKIOUS appears having witnessed the killings (Period)

OLD ZAKIOUS - (V.O.) (CONT’D): When Zakious had seen what was done he was furious (Period)

ZAKIOUS examines the bodies and mourns. He turns to confront MYKLOSS who is totally without remorse and detached

ZAKIOUS: How could you Mykloss? I gave you power, authority. You were even my right hand man. [*]But you proud, unhumbled creature, found wanting! You murderer!

MYKLOSS: Don’t you understand? I want to be at the top. I will ascend into then; I will exalt my throne above the stars. I will also sit on the mount of the congregation. On the furthest sides of the north; I will ascend above the heights of the clouds, I will be like the Most High Do not capitalize this unless it really is a name !

ZAKIOUS: And yet, you shall be brought down to hell! To the lowest depths of the Pit Make sure this is rally a name, to capitalize it !

An all out fight between ZAKIOUS and MYKLOSS, the ground shakes violently. Sharp ragged rocks poke up and down. They are very careful of these, avoiding getting severely pierced. They cast flames at each other, amongst lumps of earth and huge gusts of wind.

As a spiky piece of earth pokes up nearly hitting MYKLOSS, as You previously said, "As" he jumped out of the way. Just as it is about to fall back down MYKLOSS kicks it. Making it break off and fly toward ZAKIOUS [*]

ZAKIOUS raises his arms and crosses them. Just as it is about to hit him, he drops his arms down bringing a large lump of rock in front of him just as the one MYKLOSS sent comes very close to hitting him. They both collide and smash into smaller pieces and dust.

MYKLOSS grunts. He forces wind back at ZAKIOUS, who goes backwards a little. Some of the ground comes up and grips Zakious's feet. The same happens with MYKLOSS’s feet [*]

The sharp pointed rocks all go back down into the ground as the ground stops shaking. They shoot fireballs and large rocks at each other. They start to use wind to try and force each other over. Each is firmly standing, failing to be moved[*]

ZAKIOUS causes weeds to grow up around MYKLOSS’s legs. [*]But MYKLOSS cuts it with a sharp rock.

MYKLOSS: Is that all you’ve got old man?

ZAKIOUS: Mykloss, you were once pure, what happened?

MYKLOSS: What you see as pure and what I see as pure are completely different. I have not destroyed Tikoki, I attempted to purify it [*]

MYKLOSS raises a large clump of rock behind his back so that it is hidden from ZAKIOUS [*]

ZAKIOUS: By ridding of me (Question mark)

MYKLOSS: Self imposed leader. You’re not a leader, but a fraud [*]

ZAKIOUS: (Angry) I gave you EVERYTHING. You ungrateful wretch!

MYKLOSS hurls the lump of rock suddenly and sharply. ZAKIOUS is surprised then just about dodges it; New sentence here he forces the rock back at MYKLOSS twice the original speed. MYKLOSS is taken back and gets hit. He falls to the ground; his feet break through the rock that is gripped onto his feet [*]

ZAKIOUS' feet grip crumbles away as he walks toward MYKLOSS. He raises MYKLOSS to the air and draws light out of him before dropping him. He gets up, somewhat bewildered. He then examines his own hands, as ZAKIOUS just stands there looking at him [*]

He tries to affect earth and fire again, but the ground only tremors and the fire flickers. When he tries again there is nothing [*]

MYKLOSS: (Grunts) What have you done?

ZAKIOUS: I have taken your goodness away. You no longer have power over earth or fire [*]

MYKLOSS: How?

ZAKIOUS: Ah, but you forget Mykloss that I am more powerful than you will ever be [*]

MYKLOSS: Once I get the crystals I will have all the power [*]

ZAKIOUS: You’re too late, they have already been scattered!

MYKLOSS: Noooo!!!

MYKLOSS forces a huge gust of wind at ZAKIOUS, forcing him backwards into the giant sized hut. He goes crashing through it, making it collapse on top of him. MYKLOSS approaches him slowly [*]

MYKLOSS (CONT’D): Get up dog. I said get up (Exclamation point)

ZAKIOUS starts to crawl out. MYKLOSS shakes his head and disappears into the darkness. ZAKIOUS gets out.

ZAKIOUS starts to age [*]

OLD ZAKIOUS - (V.O.): He had undone me. Immortality was seeping out of me. My regenerate body was slowly (Comma) but surly (Comma) becoming generate again. But Remove this "But" I looked into the future and saw seven chosen ones with whom I will use to destroy the works of the evil one. Each member recognizable by the birthmark of the Tikoki. They shall need help from the sacred crystals, and destinies. Continued sentence here! Which I will help steer, to keep them on the path of light. But for now, I have been keeping Mykloss at bay for almost 5000 years, foiling all of his plans. Until alas, I am dying! This is the story of Tikoki [*]


Well, good job so far, and I'll come back to finish another section of this up. Hope it helps. :)
Write on and PM me for anything.

~Freak
Write on.
  








You have to be a bit of a liar to tell a story the right way.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind