Young Writers Society

Here's a script I started working on this morning. It kind of blossomed out of the soliloquy at the beginning. I don't know all the terminology and formatting yet so correct me if I mess something up. Please comment!

A Stain on the Horizon


A One-Act Play



Characters (only one for now):

Ben - An 18-year-old guy fresh from high school, he is excited but nervous about going to university, where he will be taking English and Writing courses. He has short brown hair, brown eyes, lean body, average height, usually just wears jeans and a tee.


Act 1:

Scene 1:

Fades from black. BEN is standing center-front stage, looking out at the audience, plain spotlight on him, all else in dark.

BEN

There it is. Right there in front of me. On the other side, I can see guys and girls my age walking around.

BEN peers closer at audience.

BEN

Behind them, there's a desk, and an older woman sitting at it. She's got a cheerful look on her face but I can tell its forced. She keeps looking over at the group gathered in front of the notice board. She purses her lips, then shrugs her head, turning back to her desk. After a while, she glances up for a moment, looks back down at the desk, then glances back once more. She's looking straight at me.

BEN flinches, a startled look on his face.

BEN

I quickly spin around, pretend I haven't seen her staring at me. I look back forward. She's back to staring down at her desk, as if nothing happened. I take a deep breath, and open the door. But...I don't go in. You can probably guess why. The Hawk,

BEN bends down as if to whisper to the audience.

BEN

...that's what I'm going to call her from now on, is staring at me again, oblivious to all else that goes on. Her piercing gaze freezes me in place, my knuckles turn white as I clutch the doorknob in a death grip. After what feels like a year, her gaze finally darts to my side. I turn to see what the Hawk shifted her gaze to, and find my self looking into the most dazzling pair of blue eyes I have ever seen.

Spotlight goes out, scene change.



That's all I've got so far..I'll probably end the soliloquy there.

Next two scenes (both short)

Scene 2

Fades from black, natural lighting. BEN enters from stage right, walks over to stage left, stands left-front stage. He is tired, rubbing his eyes, still in his pajamas.

BEN

The day I turned eighteen, was the day the letter came.

ALLISON runs in from stage left, stands downstage facing BEN. She is carrying a letter in both hands.

ALLISON

Ben! Guess what!

BEN groggily turns to face ALLISON.

BEN

What is it now Allie?

ALLISON

There's a...letter for you!

BEN

From what, Hogwarts?

BEN shakes his head in frustration.

BEN

Stop acting like a doofus and give it to me.

ALLISON walks over to BEN, hands the letter to him. Then she sulkily walks off stage left.

BEN walks over to center-front stage, unfolds the letter, and reads it. As his eyes scan it, a smile begins to grow on his face. He jogs off stage left, letter clutched in one hand, a big grin on his face. Lights fade to black.

Scene 3

Fades from black, outdoor lighting. BEN and ALLISON enter from stage right. BEN is wheeling a suitcase behind him. They stand center-front stage. ALLISON is walking fast with short strides, her facial expression tight, she is angry but trying not to show it.

ALLISON

It's too bad that mom and dad couldn't make it.

BEN

Yeah.

ALLISON bursts into a rant.

ALLISON

I just can't believe it! They've been separated for 6 years! You'd think they'd at least be capable of being civil around one another long enough to see their son off to university, I mean-

BEN interjects, placing a hand on ALLISON's shoulder.

BEN

It's okay Allison, I really don't mind.

ALLISON sighs.

ALLISON

Well, I do.

From off stage left comes a car horn. ALLISON starts, then calms down.

ALLISON

That's your ride.

ALLISON gives BEN a friendly hug.

BEN

I'll phone you as soon as I get there.

ALLISON

Bye.

BEN walks off stage left. ALLISON waits for a moment after he is gone, then turns and walks off stage right, dragging the suitcase behind him.

Yo,
what can I say? First, I notice that the main character is speaking directly to the audience, discarding the invisible wall. In the begining, in acts 2 and 3 it looks like the wall has become solid again.
There's not much happening. A story, I think, a good story, whatver the medium, has to have at least one of the four requirements: strong plot, or srong characters, or strong style, or strong insight. In your play there is a burst of style in act 1, as the main character speaks, but that's about it.
So, as a story in theater form which offers something, I wouldn't say it offers anything , but as a draft style-polisher /as most pieces posted here, including mine are/ I think it's quite fine. Quite fine. Keep working at the style, and as the months and years pass the content will build up by itself as you accumulate life mileage