Young Writers Society

School Boys:"Siren is such a geek but, his family has a big company."

Siren:"The line in the planets forces are aline twice a year."

Few Girls:"Look an Alien!!!"

Siren:"Aliens don't visit Area 9."

Few Girls:"Weirdo"
(A distraction in the classroom)
(Everyone looks at the classroom's door)

Mystery Person:"I'll be your new classmate!"

Boys:"You are cute. What's your name?"

Mystery Person:"My name? You mean my nano. My nano is 000-001."

Boys:"What the hell is nano?"

000-001:"My nano tells you my powers."

Siren:"Nano is used in a game online called, "Maide Star." It ranks your skill level."

000-001:"My nano nano is 000-001."

Boys:"What is your name?"

Siren:"She said her nano is 000-001. I'll look up her name."
(type...type...type...)

Siren:"Her name is Lilac Curuba."

Lilac:"Hi, I'm 16 years old. I play tennis, soccer, and volleyball. I have three jobs."

Boys:"Hi, sexy thing you want to go on a hot date."

Lilac:"No, sorry, get a life."

First things first! This belongs in the Scripts forum. *moves*

Secondly... well, this isn't really much of a script. Scripts not only have a specific style, but they need much more than dialogue. You need stage direction, character descriptions, etc. because you don't have narration like you do in prose. Sure, a lot of the visual stuff is up to interpretation by the director and actors, but you as the writer need to point them in the right direction.

Also, this doesn't really have a coherent storyline. You have names that are saying stuff. The reader kind of wonders if there's a point at all to it. There's no real plot, no real action, no real... anything besides some nonsensical dialogue. Sorry if I'm seeming a little harsh, but there's really nothing here.

My first recommendation is to go to this website if you want to learn better ways to write a script: http://www.screenwriting.info/ . That's more directed for screenplays (TV shows and movies and such), but plays are sort of similar. It depends on how you imagine this being played out.

My second recommendation is to go out and read! Read other scripts to learn how the playwrights include character development, plot, and setting into their story. The best way to learn to write is by reading, and if you've never read a script before, well, you're sort of going down the wrong alley. Lastly, I think you should come up with a more coherent plot, and actually put some effort into exploring that plot, instead of just saying "a distraction in the classroom." That's not really very descriptive or interesting, is it?

Keep trying! And remember to read!

Teague

I was amused by the dialogue, but I sorta had to make up what the characters did and what they looked like. You should read some scripts, and there's a book called Riot[i][/i] that is set in script form. It's set in the time of the American Civil War, and it's about the riots of New York. It's very good and it will give you an idea of how a script is written. Your script needs a lot of adding to. Pm me when you update it!

I only started this story I have not finished it and it's only the beginning of the story. I'm still think of things for the story. please know that it takes me awhile because I'm working on more than one stories. Please wait for more things about the story and characters. thanks

First thing first you have been advice to check out script writting forums, but you have to also noted is that the character name doesn't change what the hell is "mysterious person" and then again "000-001".
Also in your use of "few boys" and "few girls" the conversation that ensured does not show that it was a group of people talking unless i misunderstood.
The character of siren shows the settings is in a class but the comment of "few boys" does not place.
Sorry if i was harsh, keep up the good work.