Young Writers Society

Hello lovelies. This is a storybook based in the late 18th century, in the city of Boston, Massachusetts. The premise here is to have your characters running around and, to make things interesting, trying to kill one another. This is so because some of you will be assassins being paid to hunt the authorities who are after them, and some of you will be officers paid to bounty hunt the assassins. A few of you, of course, could be whoever you like: a travelling rogue, a popular bartender, a mob boss, a prostitute.. Supporting characters make everything wonderful.

The thing that's happening here is that you have several young assassins working primarily independently, but who gather and plot together occassionally as well. In a secret underground hideaway, an elaborate home sits, housing the slyest of the sly, those of have limited, if any, morals. You have mercenaries, hard-working, professional thieves, cunning swindlers, and desperate drug dealers who are all willing to commit murder, for a price. Above ground of course, you have, several miles away, a station, a home for officers, guards and detectives, all conspiring with their beloved, daredevil, money-hungry bounty hunters.

Already one on each side has been killed; although neither is to know of the other's existence, both are hyper-aware of the fact that they're being hunted. Some may even be infiltrating the others as a spy, and relaying information to the authorities whilst posing as a heartless assassin.

Our story starts with one of our characters strolling the streets of Boston, looking for an elder gentlewoman who runs a local brothel. It's unknown why, and the method wasn't specified, but she is to be dead by the end of the week.

- First of all, be coherent. Show your writing ability within your profile, and I'll approve it if I think your grammar is up to par. Badly written six-sentence posts about absolutely nothing are something nobody wants to read. And, like Griffinkeeper mentioned in another storybook, you can ignore an above post if it's just outright terrible, and it confuses you and everybody else.

- Secondly, no anime characters, or small, slim, but brilliant little girls with fox ears and incredible sex appeal. I'm not going to not reject profiles that I think are ridiculously overdone or simplistic. Admit that you've read 20+ profiles that are all pretty much, "Age: 16; Height: 5'6", Personality: She's very quiet, but when she opens her mouth she'll always manage to say something useful. She keeps a small group of friends because she tends to shut people out," OR, "Happy, bubbly and hyper, but very smart, almost on a genius level." Yeah... No.

- I'm going to make you write out flaws, important, relevant flaws that are ACTUAL flaws, unlike "She cares for her friends too much, will do anything," "He has quite a temper, but is actually a pretty nice guy." If you write temper as your flaw, I will not accept it. Under no circumstances will I accept it. Everybody has a temper, and I don't care how explosive it is for him, there has to be something else. And nothing like a chocolate allergy. If he has a chocolate allergy he's not going to eat chocolate -- oh my goodness, problem solved. Make your characters human.

BALANCE OUT YOUR FLAWS AND SKILLS. Alright, so she's incredibly gorgeous and witty and cunning and can slit your throat before you feel the knife, and that's all well and good. But, you manage to write your flaws, the flaws I so dearly, desperately urge you to write, and you end up saying, "So, she's kind of shy around people, and only okay with a gun. She's full of herself and turns her peers off, making her not the most well-liked of theg group." Now that, that doesn't seem fair to me. She can leap from building to building, but oh no, she's not likable and can't use a gun very well. Yeah. No. Here is an example of what I would like you to write:

"When he was younger, he was climbing a tree with one of his friends before falling fifteen feet to the ground and breaking his ankle. He can walk perfectly fine, but when he sprints he often slows after a minute because his ankle is shooting pains up and down his leg. He relies heavily on not getting caught and chased for that reason, and also because he's pitiful when it comes to hand-to-hand combat, and when punched, drops to the ground and most of the time, doesn't get up. Personality-wise he's lovely and charming, but he secretely hates nearly everybody, making him dangerously untrustworthy."

This example is good and dandy because it's relevant to the story - if this boy is an assassin, he'll be running away from people, and he can't defend himself if he falls and his pursuer throws a punch. If he couldn't use a gun, okay, he'll use a dagger. If he's full of himself, he's an assassin, and if he's good at what he does he doesn't need many friends. Make it good, okay? Don't be afraid to make your character just suck horribly as a human being.

- Sex, gore and cursing are indeed allowed, but keep in mind that this is a young writers website. Don't go overboard, please.

- Don't kill other people's characters, please. That's just not nice.

- No god-modding. No stupid, perfect characters that are natural-born leaders and who overtake the storybook. This storybook doesn't have a protaganist. It has like, 9.

- NOBODY. UNDER. 18. NO. No teenybopper prodigies running around murdering people .

- Also like Grif mentioned once before, if you're going to write a dialogue, finish it. Don't have seventeen posts just for one simple scene, where nothing in the end was actually said, such as "Hello, Jack." *waits for other person to post* "Hello, Melanie." *waits* "I see you're wearing green today. It looks nice." *waits* "Thanks." Yeah. Don't do that. If the person has done a good job on their profile, and you've read what the character's done and said so far, you can guess what they're going to say, and I'm sure nobody will get mad at you.

- Have romance, sure. But don't go overboard, please. Love can easily consume your life and mind, but there's more out there than an adorable, dimply smile, and how his hot breath felt against your forehead when he kissed it.

- Minimum 200 word posts. No maximum, yay.

If you have a problem with any of the rules, just PM me, and we can work something out if it really will cause a problem for you.

Now dearies, here is the recommended template. If it has an asterisk*, it's completely optional:

Name: Their name.

Gender: Male, Female, or unspecified.

Age (18+): How old they are.

Profession: What they do for a living. Can definitely have a nighttime and daytime profession (dirty and lawless, clean and legal, respectively)

Appearance: What they look like, what they wear, hair color, build, usual expression and so forth.

Skills: What they're good at.

Flaws: What makes them human.

*Interesting Facts: Anything worth mentioning that isn't specified above.

*Equipment: What they keep on them most/all the time.

Associates: Other storybook characters they've met before.

History: Where they grew up, who they were born to, how they came to be who they are today, and why they chose to do what they do.

Have fun, lovelies. Thus far we have:

Bounty Hunters:

tanith14 as Captain Christopher Jefferson.

Lumierre as Admiral Benjamin Hargreaves.

Apple as Gabriel.


Assassins:

jasminebells as Delilah.

Daydreams as Daniel Swift.

LoveableLittleSock as Noah.

Thieves, and other supporting characters:

kidashka as Shari.

fictionfanatic as Ace.

Just one question. When you say the 18th century, you essentially mean 1760-1790 right? I guess what I should be asking is this story pre or post American Revolution?

As soon as I have an answer, I'll post a character biography.

This sounds interesting! Do I have to know American history? If yes, then I'm out. If not, I'll consider creating a char.

Yes, it's pretty much right after the American Revolution, but it's kind of irrelevant. You can mention if you like, but you don't have to know much history. Just, speak all proper-like and refrain from mentioning televisions and cell phones :3

LoveableLittleSock wrote:Yes, it's pretty much right after the American Revolution, but it's kind of irrelevant. You can mention if you like, but you don't have to know much history. Just, speak all proper-like and refrain from mentioning televisions and cell phones :3

Thanks for the clarification. While it might seem trivial, it certainly is important due to the affect it would have on the setting. Party time in Boston.

tanith14 wrote:Party time in Boston.

xD You know it.

This storybook is going to be rocking, I guarantee it.

Name: Captain Christopher Jefferson

Gender: Male

Age: 26

Profession: Christopher was promoted Captain under Major General Nathanael Greene after his admirable (though somewhat reckless) charge against the British regulars at the Guilford Courthouse in North Carolina in 1981. Captain Jefferson was a dedicated and reliable soldier. When there was a task that needed to be done, his superiors could count on him to accomplish the task. After the war, Christopher originally planned on settling down in Virginia with his sweetheart, Catherine Blackwell. Upon his return to North Carolina, Christopher received a mysterious letter from his old friend Sergeant Major Thomas Roberts, beseeching Christopher to meet him in Boston. What Robert wants is anyone's guess, but Christopher knows that the troubled man wants more than a simple cup of tea.

Appearance: Christopher is 5'11 with blue eyes and dark brown hair tied in a pony tail. Like many of the Revolutionaries, he wears a three cornered hat. While Christopher comes from a rich plantation family, he doesn't like to flaunt his wealth. Instead, he wears a very simple blue, double breasted overcoat over his white shirt and simple cravat. In place of regular boots, he wears his military boots from the war.

Skills: Like all gentlemen, Christopher is well mannered and proper. His charming, southern drawl makes him an expert at coercion. It also makes him favorable to the northern ladies. Christopher is a gifted fighter, especially in hand to hand combat. Due to his heritage, Christopher is extremely wealthy and can pretty much buy what he wants, but is somewhat of a penny pincher.

Flaws: Like most southerners, his pride and ego have a hard time fitting in a room. Christopher is sensitive and very protective about his southern heritage. Because he was protected in his youth, Christopher is awkward when intimate with women. The only woman he has ever kissed is Catherine. He is a strong supporter of states rights rather than a powerful federal government. This will alienate him in a city like Boston.

*Interesting Facts: He has a very distinguishable scar across his chest from a Dragoon's saber. During his service, Christopher suffered a ruptured eardrum in his left ear. The injury has left him partially deaf. Believes that fortunes have to be earned by hard work and dedication, something his father taught him when he was a boy.

*Equipment: Christoper always has his field officer's sword with him, along with a single flintlock pistol.

History: Christopher grew up on a plantation in Durham, North Carolina. While privileged, Christopher did not get to enjoy the splendors of the aristocratic class very often. His father was originally a member of the Georgian penal colony before he worked his way to freedom. After church on Sundays, his father would take him out into the woods and teach him the basics of hunting and tracking. Christopher has one brother, Jacob who died in combat. Catherine Blackwell is a girl from a neighboring plantation. They have been courting each other for years, but Christopher refused to marry her while he was away at war.

I think that's about it! I hope this is an acceptable profile.

tanith14 wrote: Flaws: Like most southerners, his pride and ego have a hard time fitting in a room. Christopher is a bit sensitive and very protective about his southern heritage. Because he was protected in his youth, Christopher is a bit awkward when intimate with women. The only woman he has ever kissed is Catherine. He is a strong supporter of states rights rather than a powerful federal government. This will alienate him in a city like Boston.

*Interesting Facts: He has a very distinguish able scar across his chest from a Dragoon's saber. Partially deaf in his left ear. Believes that fortunes have to be earned by hard work and dedication, something his father taught him when he was a boy.

Aren't you adorable? Look at you and your little profile. You did a wonderful job :3 Now, realize that when I gave you "skills" and "flaws", I was hoping you could balance them out. Primarily, you use "a bit" twice, which shows just how you're trying to play down the flaws you actually give him (also, a bit sensitive but very protective? Be consistent with your adverbs, sweetheart) You have Mr. Christopher here an extremely wealthy and gifted fighter, but what are his flaws? Oh, he gets a little nervous around girls, and has views that some people don't agree with. Oh no.

But then dearie, but then, I read the facts, and lo and behold, he has an actual disability. He's partially deaf in his left ear. Now, when I say flaws, I mean flaws that will come into play during the storybook. His protectiveness of his southern hertiage, nobody cares. So somebody makes fun of his accent, cry me a river. This storybook is about life or death, and the deaf thing is perfection, dear. Edit if you like, but this is acceptable. Good job, and thank you for signing up! Mr. Christopher seems like a wonderful southern gentleman that will contribute substantially to the storybook. If he's going to be tracking down our lovely assassins, shan't you make him you know, the typical "hard working, law-respecting" commander as well? A suggestion. And apologies if this seems like a critique, it's hard not to do :3 But your profile beats out 90% of the one's I've read, so take that to heart my dear, and don't think I don't like your profile, because I do. Like I said, it's teeming with wonderful-ness.

edit: I tweaked the flaw rule a little, in the first post. You inspired me ;D

second edit: reminder, your profile was accepted. just.. so you know xD

LoveableLittleSock wrote:
If he's going to be tracking down our lovely assassins, shan't you make him you know, the typical "hard working, law-respecting" commander as well? A suggestion.

Commanders have to promote the soldiers they know they can trust to get the job done, even in the most dire of circumstances. So I think that answers your suggestion. Thanks for bringing it up.

LoveableLittleSock wrote:And apologies if this seems like a critique, it's hard not to do :3 But your profile beats out 90% of the one's I've read, so take that to heart my dear, and don't think I don't like your profile, because I do. Like I said, it's teeming with wonderful-ness.

edit: I tweaked the flaw rule a little, in the first post. You inspired me ;D

second edit: reminder, your profile was accepted. just.. so you know xD

Cheers. I hope we get more writers soon. I just got out of college for the summer and I am already bored... though that is probably a good thing considering my Spanish exam just about killed me today.

EDIT: Profile changed a little. Please take a look.

This seems cool I might put up a profile soon.

This seems intriguing.

Name: Goes by Ace. No one knows what her real name is.

Gender: Female

Age (18+): 23

Profession: Ace is a skilled thief. During the day she owns a shop, which also contains a black market that few know of.

Appearance: Ace has straight black hair that goes down to the bottom of her back. Her hard, cold black eyes are like lasers. She is quite slim and she is of normal height. But she has muscle and you can tell. Over her pants she wears a long skirt so that people wouldn't suspect her of anything. She also wears a lot of bright colors for that same reason.

Personality: Ace is a very over protective and over possessive of things. She can be kind but it is usually only with people she is very close with. Ace is not afraid to defend herself or anyone for that matter.

Skills: Ace is a skilled liar and thief. She is also good at persuasion and making people talk. She's a very quiet moving person.

Flaws: She also eats very little so she gets sick often. When people make her mad she tends to overreact.

*Interesting Facts: Ace has a daughter named Delaney. She's four and often ends up sleeping in the house by herself while Ace slips out for a little while.

*Equipment: She carries a dagger at her waist where ever she goes that is concealed with a sash.

History: Ace's parents died when she was very young so she had to commit to stealing to get what she wanted. Hence why she is what she is today. At nineteen she had her daughter Delaney. She has also been known to be overly possessive and protective of her daughter.

fictionfanatic wrote: Profession: Ace is a skilled theif. During the day she owns a chop, which also contains a black market that few know of.

Check your spelling. It's "thief." I before e, except after c.

Appearance: Ace has straight black hair that goes down to the bottom of her back. Her hard, cold black eyes are like lasers. She is quite slim and she is of normal height. She of course always wears black. She wears long black skirts which contain a pair of a boy's pants underneath for when she steals.

Don't write "of course she always wears black," as people wear black because they like it and usually in writing, they wear it because it reflects their personality. Having black eyes and black hair doesn't mean that she automatically loves the color, unless it's dyed. If it's dyed, write it. Also, the skirt detail - does she wear it so she seems less suspicious, so it seems like she wouldn't steal anything? Or is she usually not seen at all when she steals, because in that case she should stick to wearing pants, because long black skirts can very, very easily get in the way.

Skills: Ace is a skilled liar and theif. She is also good at persuasion and making people talk. She is also a very quiet moving person. She can read lips.

Flaws: Ace is completly deaf, but she does know how to read lips and speak normaly. She also eats very little so she gets sick often.

*completely.
*normally.

She is not good at persuasion nor at making people talk, because it's near impossible for her to be threatening. Why? 1) She's deaf. She's deaf. Unless she is physically threatening, she doesn't seem like she would be competent in the art of coercion. She can't tell how the people are saying what they're saying - it's easy to tell if somebody's lying by their tone of voice, and perhaps their body language and wandering eyes, but she can't depend on that alone. And I know that she speaks normally because she had been speaking normally for twenty years, but that also means she's been reading lips for only three years. People mumble, and reading lips is difficult, and she is very prone to making mistakes. Also, if somebody tries to turn away from her and says something, she can't hear them. She can't persuade, she can't coerce, she can't make people talk, because she is not a realistic character.

Also, you give us no insight to what her personality is like at all. How is she so good at making people talk? Is she friendly? Is she intimidating? What makes her so friendly/intimidating? Does she seduce men, does she manipulate young women? Does she bribe, blackmail, and so on? Actions speak louder than words. Show, and don't tell. You're telling us she can persuade people, but you don't tell us how, nor show us. Show us.

Ace cannot be deaf, she just can't. You can't be a deaf, successful thief. To be a thief you have to be hyper aware of your surroundings, and don't give bull about how she can "feel the earth's vibrations" to tell if somebody is coming. She could be trying to pick a lock, or looting somebody's house, and wouldn't be able to tell if somebody was awake, or standing behind her. It wouldn't work. Your attempt at a good flaw was grand, but have common sense. I do like the eating very little though, as if she's weak and very prone to sickness, perhaps mistakenly coughing and revealing her presence could be a consequence, or fainting due to intense malnutrition.

Find another flaw. Writing a deaf character is entirely too difficult and will only make things confusing. If she was a serene old monk, or a young woman who writes for the local newspaper, fine, let her be deaf. But not a deaf thief. Doesn't work.

*Equipment: She carries a dager at her waist where ever she goes.

*dagger.

History: Ace's parents died when she was very young so she had to commit to stealing to get what she wanted. Hence why she is what she is today. At age 20 she got kicked in the head by a horse and, luckily, went deaf. Ace doesn't remember much about her life.

1) She luckily went deaf? I don't think losing your ability to hear constitutes as lucky. I would suggest just turning "luckily" to "and."
2) Why doesn't she remember much about her life? Was her memory impaired by the accident with the horse, or is this a shallow attempt to make your character more interesting?

No. Not accepted. Try again. Ace sounds like she'd be an interesting character and a nice addition to the storybook, but I don't approve this profile, especially since she wasn't as in-depth as she could have been, and that your flaw would have been good if it had been at least a little sense. You tried, and I appreciate your attempt. I really do hope you try again, Ace has potential, she really does. Look at the profile Tanith wrote to get an idea of what you should write.

I edited some. I'll finish tomorrow because I'm being told to get off the computer. Hope I made Ace at least a little better.

Name: Shari

Gender: Female

Age (18+): 24

Profession: Thief

Appearance: Quite short and slim due to malnutrition, she can pass for a teenager at a push. She has longish black hair, usually tied up, and this colour skin, which is normally a tad darker due to grime. Beware, she probably smells.
General appearance -
But expressionwise more like this -

Skills: Raised on the street, she relies on quick wit, nimble fingers and agility to survive. Street-savvy and slow to trust, she is unlikely to fall into a trap easily.

Flaws: ...She's an underfed young woman. Do you really think she's going to be able to put up much of a fight? Also, cannot sustain fast running for long, only short bursts of speed.

*Interesting Facts: *may add later*

*Equipment: Always carries a small dagger - this is more of a gesture than anything else as she's not that great at using it.

Associates:
Gabriel: Once helped her break into a warehouse as a thanks for giving her a house to sleep in for a night. However when her group leader found out Shari was beaten heavily - as a result she is more wary when helping others out of fear of the consequences.
Ace: Was once 'friends' with her; however Ace turned against Shari when she dicovered the friendship was merely a facade/distraction so that her accomplices could rob Ace's shop.
Daniel: When her brother was alive she was friends with Daniel due to the friendship between her brother and him (The two often worked together). However since joining the thievy group [what is a group of thieves called?!], she has seen him less as her leader ordered her to stop, most likely due to the distrust between city guards and thieves. Daniel on occasions lets Shari go if she gets caught for thievery.

History: Her brother was an assassin and protected her for most of her teenage years. However, when he was killed she had to seek the help of a group of theives in order to survive. Her general role within the group is as bait/distraction - she diverts the attention of shopkeepers/passers by etc. whilst the others nick stuff. Occasionally the group may attempt a larger scam, but they tend to stick to petty theft.

As the only female of the group she is often beaten and ordered about. She is fully aware of the potential dangers posed to her by the men and generally seeks to aid them in whichever ways are possible without raising their tempers.

Seems awesome...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Name: Daniel Swift (Goes by Dan)

Gender: Male

Age (18+): 23

Profession: During the daytime he works as a city guard which often means a boring day with nothing of interest. At night he becomes a sniper (assassin) or when necessary during the day if no one will notice he is gone.


Appearance: He stands at about 6'1. He has straight black hair that goes down to below his ears in length, and on the front it ends just before his brilliant green eyes. Very muscular upper body with a slight tan.During the day he wears the normal colonial colors, and guard attire. At night he dawns tight black clothes that blend into the darkness well.

Skills: He is an excellent sniper with a bow, and can pull off incredible shots. Very good at staying perfectly still, and he is very agile.

Flaws: Never learned to fight with a sword, dagger or any close range weapon. Refuses to kill women and children no matter what.

*Equipment: During the day he usually carries a rifle which he doesn't favor, but at night he uses a recurve bow and throwing knives.

Associates: Ace (Because she owns a black market), other will be filled in later.

Personality: Very quite usually just follows what he is asked to do. If someone does engage him in conversation he will try to be friendly, but he doesn't often know what to say.

History: He grew up in London as the son of a noble. Learned to shoot a bow from his father's friend who competed in archery competitions throughout Europe then became hooked on trying to become the best with it. Just at the end of the American Revolution He moved from England to America.