I woke the next morning to find I was soaked in sweat and the covers were wrapped around me. Sunlight streamed into the room through the windows of the door leading outside and I could see through the shades into the garden. I knew I'd had nightmares but I couldn't remember them and for that, I was glad.
I untangled myself from the covers and put my hair up, walking to the bathroom. I took a short shower, not even getting my hair wet as I'd bathed the night before. I just didn't want to stink of sweat.
I pulled jeans out with a tank top and a cardigan. It was high time I put on some real clothes. But, looking at the oufit, I realized it would probably be really loose on me. I walked upstairs to Rupert's bedroom and knocked on the door.
He opened it in seconds, rubbing his eyes and frantically tried to smooth his mussed hair. I took a step back automatically, even hearing the sound of him breathe was difficult for me. It reminded me of the events the day before.
I held up the outfit. "My clothes aren't going to fit. Could I use your dryer? My host Mom insisted on getting me super expensive clothes and I know these fabrics will most likely shrink permanently." He nodded and took them from me, stumbling down the stairs and to the laundry room. He threw them in the dryer for about 15 minutes then went to the kitchen to make breakfast.
"Am I going to school today?" he asked me, pouring himself a bowl of cereal. "Oh, and what would you like to eat?"
"Cereal is fine," I said, "And that's up to you. We're already an hour late."
"Well," he said, his voice still groggy. "You need to go so they know you're okay. The police can't tell them what happened but if they come to school and need to talk to you about what happened and you're not there... Well, nobody knows where you are. Your host Mom doesn't even know. So we have to get you there." He made sense. "Now, if you don't want me there, I won't go."
"I want you there." I said. He gave me a half smile, taking a bite of cereal as I poured myself a bowl.
"Crap," he said, "I should've done that. I'm sorry, I'm just tired."
"It's okay," I said, "I'm a rape victim, not an invalid." I paused, feeling my throat squeeze up. I'd never said it just like that. Rape victim. Not unless I was telling somebody else.
We ate in silence and Rupert took our bowls to the sink. He grabbed some nuts from the pantry.
"You need to eat," he said, looking at my thin figure.
"Why nuts?" I asked.
"They have necessary oils and fats that will help you gain weight. My parents used to fund these charity missiont trips to Africa and nut products were gold because they helped the people there gain weight."
I nodded and took a handful and he walked over to the dryer which had just beeped. He took out my clothes and handed them to me. The were warm and smelled like him. I imagine that was because of the dryer sheet he'd thrown in.
I grabbed another handful of nuts before taking the clothes upstairs and changing. Even though they had shrunk in the dryer, they were still a little loose on me but nobody else would notice. I wore a belt with the jeans and at least they fit me snugly in the thighs and calves. Not quite as tight as skinny jeans should fit, but they still looked okay. Then I put on the tank top and cardigan. I looked really thin. There was no denying that, but at least I wasn't wearing baggy clothes that swallowed me.
I plugged my straightener into the wall and took out some makeup. I felt vain for thinking of my appearance but I was hoping the saying "if you look good, you'll feel good" would apply to me. I put on foundation to hide the gray pallor of my skin and some concealer to hide the bags under my eyes. I added a tiny bit of blush just to give my face some color along with lipgloss. Finally, some mascara. Just because. By then my straightener was well heated and I could hear Rupert going up the stairs to get dressed.
I ran the straightener through my hair. I naturally had thinner hair so it didn't take too long though I was in desperate need of a hair cut. I kept running my brush through, hoping to get it a little more sleek than it was. After I turned the straightener off I felt better. I decided not to let him have power over me. He couldn't control my life. He couldn't make me weak.
I kept telling myself this as I put on my flats and grabbed my bookbag before I walked with my crutches to meet Rupert by the front door. I hated the crutches, they were just another reminder to me that I was weak and he was stronger than I. But I tried to shut those thoughts out, refusing to let myself cower.
"You look a lot better," Rupert said, opening the door for me so we could go to his car.
"Thank you," I said, turning away from him to look out the window. Being close to him was difficult for me. I could tell he wanted to reach out and touch me. Pat my arm, something. But he didn't. He put the car into gear and drove to school.
***
When we checked in at the front office a few police officers walked in.
"We need to see Colette Roux," he said.
"That's me," I spoke up and Rupert waited beside me.
"And he is?" The officer gestured at Rupert.
"Rupert honey," One of the office ladies said, "You need to go back to class."
"Do you need me?" he asked. I looked at the male officers. They made me nervous and I cowared, wrapping my arms around myself. I felt very vulnerable.
"I'd feel better talking to female police officers if that's okay," I said, "Either that or I'd like a lawyer present."
"I can radio officer Brown," he said, "She's worked with situations like this. I'm afraid we can't spare any more of our female officers. Is that okay?" I nodded.
"Can Rupert wait with me? I've been staying with him since..." The officer looked at the office lady who'd spoken to Rupert. She nodded.
"I'll email his teachers." she said. I think she understood I'd been through an ordeal, some kind of abuse. And I think she definitely suspected what had happened. But she didn't say anything.
I waited with Rupert until the female officer came and the two male officers stood up.
"I need to do this alone," I said, looking at Rupert apologetically. He nodded and left as the police officers took me back to a conference room.
"You understand you are entitled to having a lawyer or a host parent present, right? Even though you have not committed a crime?" Officer Brown looked at me, her warm brown eyes were kind as she waited for an answer.
"Yes, I understand."
"Okay," she said, "We need to confirm a few things about what happened the first time. And yesterday."
I nodded and they began. I immediately regretted wearing makeup as I started to cry after the second or third question. They made me identify a photo of Dave to confirm it was in fact, him who raped me. They asked about what happened the first night and what happened yesterday along with anybody who knew. I told them the truth, though they would end up speaking with Hawthorne and Rupert as well later on.
"Do you have anything else other than the rape kit that could help us with this investigation?"Officer Brown asked, finally.
"No," I said. And then I remembered my phone. I'd forgotten all about it in the chaos. I'd recorded him...
"Wait," I said, and the officers sat back down. "I have a recording from yesterday afternoon. The whole thing it's..." I handed over my phone.
"Could one of you guys send it to yourself or something? I don't want to hear it." My voice broke then and I started crying even more.
The officer plugged my phone into a computer via a USB cord and saved it on a flash drive.
"Thank you for your time," Officer Brown said, handing me her card. "I'll be in touch, this is my personal number if you need anything. You have a place to stay, right?" I nodded.
"Your host father will be detained until we can get a hearing to set a date for the trial if you're interested in pressing charges. We need you to call your parents and they'll have to fly in from overseas to handle legal issues as far as getting a lawyer, stuff like that. After a week away from your host family, legally, you need to get your parents to sign off on a new place to stay until this can be taken care of. Okay?" she asked and I nodded. They left the room just then and I felt my chest drop into my stomach.
I really did not want to tell my parents what happened.
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