Young Writers Society

Firstly, try not to put colour to your posts. Its a bit... too much.

Secondly, is this not poetry? I would put this in the lyrical poetry section.

This is more of a lyric poem than a romantic story.
However i like it, it's good.
Carry on writing!

I think it's an awesome poem, and should be in the poem section too. Anyway keep writing and have fun!

Hi! The first thing that stands out to me about this poem is the italics. You are using the italics for emphasize, but it really isn't necessary, and draws attention away from the poem.
Second, you are trying too hard to rhyme. i.e you tried to rhyme (in a row) you, too, you, you. In general, a word does not rhyme with itself. I think this poem would be fine without the 'forced' rhyme.

I like this poem. It tells the story well, and gives a lot of information. I think if you work on it a little more, mainly the rhyme, it will be great!

Sage