Young Writers Society

Hey! Just thought I would inform you all that this is a one shot.



I stood on the street, right outside of school. The sun was belting down on me, but it was kind of refreshing in a way. People stared, others just bumbed into me as they passed to cross the street. I pulled myself aside, fiddling with the strap of my bag between loose fingers.

"Face it, you're stuck with me," Kyle said, looking at me and smiling crookedly. "Not that you mind."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said, my face now blushing furiously as I took a sudden interest in my shoes. "We don't even like each other."

Kyle looked down, also taking an interest in his shoes, before shyly looking through his bangs. "Don't we?"

He took a step towards me. "Because, I think you're lying."

My breathing hitched, as he took another step closer.

~Well?" he spoke. "Aren't you gonna say anything?" He walked closer again.

"I - I don't know" I stuttered, as I shuffled my weight onto the other foot, feeling heat rise to my face.

"I think you know...exactly how I feel." He was now standing only inches from my face and I was breathing like I had just been winded into the stomach.

I sighed. He grinned, knowing that he was winning. I looked at him with false confusion, my eyes sparkling from the build up of emotion.

"No..I don't." I just managed to whisper. I closed my eyes for a second.

He leaned in just slightly, making my stomach do a further fifty summer saults in anticipation.

"See ya in school." He winked and strolled away with his books carelessly strewn upon his hands, ready to slip. He flicked his hair arrogantly and didn't look back. I was astonished. What in the world was that? That doesn't happen...not with Kyle. We're...friends. I just insist that we hate eachother whenever he gets all intense. Well, we're acqaintances. Maybe we still are just that, but lately there has been a few of these random heated moments and I honestly don't know where they have sprung from.

I sighed, flicked back my long brown-blonde hair and kneeled down to pick of my multi-pattern bag which I had somehow managed to drop on the ground in a fluster. I took my compact mirror from the pocket of my tattered white jeans and looked to see burning red cheeks, no surprise. That seemed to happen everytime I had an encounter with Kyle The Arrogant. I kicked a few stones as I strolled over the street to school.

I went to my locker to find the usual messy stacks and piles of books and various other items carelessly lying in there. I searched for my dreaded French books and slammed the locker door shut, which managed to give me a jolt and wake me from my daze. The buzzing conversations and the rambling around me were getting on my nerves a little.

French class went by very slowly and everytime I opened my eyes I felt as if the time I'd entered the class had been an hour ago, though in reality it had only been ten minutes. I groaned and waited to die. As you can probably tell, I was quite the exaggerator.


The rest of the day seemed to pass rather quickly. As I was walking out the doors of the school building, Kyle caught my arm and swung me around to face his warm brown eyes.


"Hey. I'll call up to your house later." He said.

"OK. But...um. Why?" I asked, genuinely curious as to why he had the sudden urge to hang out. It was friday afternoon. We had hung out before but it just seemed a little out of nowhere. Well, Kyle was a random person.

"You know, the usual. Hang out, talk etc." He laughed and for the tenth time that day, flicked his hair.

"Sure, seeya later." I smile. I turn around, breathed and began to walk away.

"Uhm, Mol, you dropped your phone." He handed it over with a cheeky grin.

"Oh. Thanks." I was a little embarrassed. Everytime I talked to him I seemed to drop something.

When I got home my mom showed me a letter that had come in the post, it was from a guy I had contacted about my writing. I had emailed him a month before, I sent him some of my work.

"He says he really likes it, he wants to run it on the website later!" I screeched, excitedly.

"That's great sweety." Mom gave me a hug and smiled.

This day wasn't so bad. I'd wanted to be a writer ever since I was a little kid, and though this wasn't much it was still a little step up from my box full of notebooks hidden away under my bed.

"Keep it up and someday, you'll get somewhere." She encouraged me and I responded with a smile and nod.

I went to my room and listened to music for a while. The doorbell went and I quickly jumped from my bed and told my mom to let Kyle in. I hesitated and awaited the knock.

I opened the door to the sight of the perfect brown hair and the gorgeous eyes that were so familiar. What! No. I didn't think that.

"Hey." He greeted as he stepped into my unuasually tidy room.

I went and sat on my bed, and threw my legs up on it and leaned back. My hair swung behind me.

"Hey." I replied, relaxed.

"School. Ugh. It was horrible today wasn't it?" He said, making conversation.

"Yeah, don't even get me started on French today. I honestly thought it would never end.

"Yeah...are you going to prom?" He wondered nervously and I laughed. Prom was in three weeks.

"Maybe, haven't really decided. You?" He seemed a bit more at ease now and went to join me on the bed and laid beside me.

"Same, haven't decided." He slinked a leg a little over mine, and I shuddered a little.

"Scott Barry asked me to go..." I smirked, it seemed so rediculous when I said it out loud.

"Oh," he gulped. "And um, what did you say?" He started messing with his hands.

"I said I'd go with him if I decided to go."

"Oh...cool." He seemed a little sad about it, but it wasn't as if we were dating. Like I said before, we were just acqaintances.

"Yeah..."

"Don't you think that's a little silly? I mean, you're considering going with him when we all know you're lusting for me." He laughed a little and winked at me, as he flicked his hair yet again.

"What are you talking about? Kyle, we don't like each other." I was getting so tired of saying this, and so tired of mounting on concealer everytime the discussion ended.

"I never said I like you, I said you like me. Which, you do." Delusional boy.

"Well, I never said I would definatly go to prom with Scott. I never said that you said you like me either. Don't be silly." I said playing with the hem of my red mini dress.

"And...why would that be silly? You don't think I could like you?" He took my hand and then used his other hand to gently turn my face to him. He was staring, his warm brown eyes having a crazy effect on my brain.

"No..." I gulped and tried to look away, but his stare was too strong. He held my hand tighter.

"You know, you're pretty cute, Molly," he mumered."I wanna..." He trailed off.

My heart was beating so fast I thought it would burst out of my chest, which I'm thankful it didn't.

I closed my eyes and felt his lips on mine. He moved in even closer to kiss me more. It was so heated and passionate but it was also kind of sweet. I reached my hands into his hair, something I'd secretly always wanted to do. Our tounges met and I moaned quietly. I felt him smirk and when I sat up, he had me against the wall, kissing me more aggressivly and making me want to melt. We pulled apart, our breath was suspiciously uneven.

"Uhm...should I go?" He asked, as I touched my swolen lips.

"Probably, yeah." I sighed.

"See ya around, Molly." He smiled sweetly as he went to leave.

"See ya, Kyle." I returned the smile.

What the hell was that?




Shall I post a part 2?

Hi!

So, um, you should finish this! What you have of it made me smile, but then it ended. Haha please finish it soon and let me know when you do!!

I will be back to edit this. If I don't soon, I've probably forgotten, so give me a wall post or PM.

Hey Sakura!

I know you said this isn't finished but you reviewed a piece of my work so I thought I'd return the favour

So, nit-piks first;

I stood in on the street, right outside of school.

You don't need both 'in' and 'on' I'd suggest just using 'on'

down on me but, it was kind of refreshing

The comma should be before 'but' not after it

"Face it, you're stuck with me," Kyle grinned, looking at me and smiling crookedly.

I'd replace 'grinned' with 'said' as you say that he 'smiles crookedly' further into the sentence and having 'grinned' as well as 'smiling' is a bit repetitive.

eachother."

'eachother' is two words

also taking interest in his

This would read better with 'an' before 'interest'

My breathing hitched, as he took another step closer.

You don't need the comma

Well?" He spoke. "Aren't you gonna say anything?" he walked closer again.

It should be -

'Well?" he spoke. "Aren't you gonna say anything?" He walked closer again.

Thoughts -

Okay, this is really short but that's because it's not finished yet. This is cute so far but I'd like to know why she's 'stuck with him.' Did they miss the bus or something. Add in a little more background too - like are they friends and if so, how long have they been friends?

Hope this helps!

xDudettex

Wow. I loved this. It has a great feel; very innocent playful and flirtatious with middleschool-like nerves haha i love it! Keep it up

Hey, just finished Just Can't Get Enough. If you like you can check it out, but it's okay if you don't.

Hey!
I really enjoyed realling it.
i can't wait to read part 2!
I love your creative way of writing, it is also very realistic.
Good job!
Thanks for posting it!

I loves it!! Please post part two!!

First of all,

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said, my face now blushing furiously as I took a sudden interest in my shoes. "We don't even like each other."

"See ya in school." He winked and strolled away with his books carelessly strewn upon his hands, ready to slip.

You've made this error a few times, in the end as well.

Well, we're acquaintances. Maybe we still are just that, but lately there have been a few of these random heated moments and I honestly don't know where they have sprung from.

As you can probably tell, I am quite the exaggerator.

Pretty much the rest of the day went by quick enough.

I would re-write this line this way:

The rest of the day went pretty much faster than I've expected.

"Hey. I'll call up to your house later," he said.

It was Friday afternoon.

"I'm finding it hard to keep my hands off you..."

Also, I know I might sound old-fashioned, but I wouldn't use the word "hot". I wouldn't like a boy to call me this way either. But that's just me. It was a nice story, and I like the complexity of it. You used a wide range of vocabulary, and connected the sentences nicely. Good job!

First off, I really do think that you should post a part 2. It ended in a way that made me go, "aw man, what happens next?" And that is always a sign that I loved the story and want to know more about it.

Hey Sakura!

I'm back to review the second half as promised

I haven't read what the other reviewers have said, so forgive me if I repeat anything.

from the buld up of emotion

I think 'buld' should be 'build'

"Seeya in school."

'Seeya' is two words

hair arogantly

'arrogantly'

eachother whenever

'each other'

we're aqaintances.

'acquaintances'

I took my pocket-sized mirror from the pocket of my tattered white jeans

Having 'pocket' mentioned twice in this sentence is a little repetitive. Maybe try using 'compact mirror' instead.

That seemed to happen everytime I encountered with Kyle The Arrogant.

Try - 'That seemed to happen everytime I had an encounter with Kyle The Arrogant.'

I groaned and waited to die. As you can probably tell, I am quite the exagerator.

The second sentence I've highlighted seems to read differently to the rest of the story - your MC is talking directly to the reader, yet she doesn't do that at anyother point in the piece. To stop it from standing out, I'd change the two sentences above to something like -

'I groaned and waited to die; French has never been my favourite subject and the whole thing with Kyle was really playing on my mind.'

It shows us why she feels like she wants to die without you having to suddenly resort to making her talk to the reader. Also, the whole French bit gives a little background to her character. Of course you don't have to listen to me. You could just try to rearrage the sentence yourself

Pretty much the rest of the day went by quick enough.

This reads a little awkwardly. Try something like -

'The rest of the day passed by quicker that I'd been expecting it to.'

later." He said.

'"later," he said.'

was friday afternoon

'Friday'

Well, Kyle is a random person

'is' should be 'was'

"Sure, seeya later." I smile. I turn around, breathed and began to walk away.

Try - '"Sure, see ya later," I said with a smile. I turned around, breathed and began to walk away.'

When I got home my mom showed me a letter that had come in the post, it was from a guy I had contacted about my writing.

I'd change the comma to a full stop.

I had emailed him a month before, I sent him some of my work.

I think - 'I had emailed him a month before and sent him some of my work.' - would sound a little smoother.

"Keep it up and someday, you'll get somewhere." She encouraged me and I responded with a smile and nod.

I went to my room and listened to music for a while. The doorbell went and I quickly jumped from my bed and told my mom to let Kyle in. I hesitated and awaited the knock.

This all seems a little rushed. Maybe try writing something in between about how the excitement from the letter soon faded away to nerves about Kyle coming over.

"Hey." He greeted

'"Hey," he greeted'

my unuasually

'unusually'

"Hey." I replied, relaxed.

'"Hey," I replied, relaxed.'

wasn't it?" He said,

'he'

it would never end.

'it would never end."'

a leg a little over mine, and I shuddered a little.

You use 'little' twice here. Maybe try replacing one of them with something else, like 'slightly'

so rediculous when

'ridiculous'

would definatly go to

'definitely'

?" He asked

'he'

"Seeya around, Molly." He smiled sweetly as he went to leave.

"Seeya Kyle." I returned the smile.

'See ya'

So, I think this was good. I liked the 'will they, won't they' aspect of it. I think you should definitely write a part two. I want to see where you could take this

The only thing I'd suggest is that you use spell-checker before posting as I found a couple of mis-spelt words.

Apart from that, I'm looking forward to part two!

xDudettex

Yes! Post a part 2. You can't end it like that, the build up to that moment just makes you want to read on.

Post a part 2 soon

-jac