This contains one mild swear word. Tis all.
Also, I haven't written anything in a while so this might be a bit rusty but hopefully my wonderful friends on YWS will help me pick out the ugliness. ^___^
Well, enjoy.
EDIT:
This piece was intended to be more of a descriptive writing/abstract-ish experiment for me. I'm not used to short stories so it's a little weird.
If evening tides could wash away all your worries, would you let me take your hand and walk you to the ocean shore?
My heart feels warm, hot, as if I’m falling into a pit of fire. I hear it thump inside my chest, pumping hard as if saying ‘let me out.’ But I can’t. If I could rip out my heart and give it you, I would do it without a second thought. I mean it.
The wind whistles and the chilly air bites my bare chest like sharp-toothed fish but I continue to bear it.
I’m watching our beach as the grey clouds melt over the sulky sky and block out the sun. Its golden rays left the sand underneath my feet slightly warm. My grip tightens on the side of my jeans and I try to wipe the sweat off of my palms but every time I rub away the worry, it’s replaced again. So I stop trying and go back to listening because it was one thing we always had a problem with.
I've been quiet lately, Hara. I've been listening.
The crashing waves sounds like a song I can only hear once in a lifetime and this feeling, I could only feel once every year, on this day. But recently, I've become a ticking bomb and I might be on the verge of explosion.
Goosebumps sprout over my arms when the gush of wind whip past my hair. With that call, I take a step forward and close my eyes as my toes meet the shoreline. The icy water makes me gasp and my eyelids flash open to the seagulls that hover in circles above the sea.
I am alone.
I begin counting like you always did when you were nervous.
1…
For every step I take deeper in the cold water. I begin to wonder what number you counted until to that day. Was it a hundred? A thousand? The rushing current pulls at my nerves and ties my throat as if the fingers of the ocean shoot up through my veins and constrict me. I strain to keep my composure as the water finally reaches my waistline.
I want to drown myself in your memories. . .
2..3…
You were like the sun. So beautiful and full, you never stopped shining even when the world turned dark. The image of your smiling eyes and spread lips has been burned into my memory with a hot iron.
I feel the lump in my throat and I think there are tears in my eyes but I can’t tell the difference between teardrops and the salty drops of the ocean. Either way, it’s hurting to think of you.
Of your long dark hair that felt like silk between my fingertips. Of your cool skin that always needed my warmth.
I miss the way our fingers seemed to always complete a puzzle when we held hands. The way you made me feel, the way you laughed and sang, the way you came and the way you…left.
Do you miss me?
4…5…
The water is up to my shoulders now and I’m afraid to take the next step. What if I don’t have the energy to swim? What if I fail to kick my feet or move my arms and I lose myself? Would you like that? If I drowned, we could be together and never have to worry about things like homework or friends. The constant screaming and the fighting would all go away then…
But I know better, you’d hate me if I drowned. I take the next step bravely and begin to kick and swim. The water feels familiar here.
6…7…
“Chase,” you called to me that day. “Chase, I know how to swim by myself now.” You eyes were wide and lively, as if you really knew what you were doing.
I had been teaching you how to swim since it's something you've always wanted to do. We met by the beach everyday after school to practice and play.
“Oh, really?” I had my doubt then. You always did things before you were really ready for it. You didn’t know yourself as well as I knew you. That’s why I kept my grip on your arms, kept your body close to mine so the ocean couldn’t pull us apart.
“I don’t think so, maybe you should practice some more,” I replied. "I'll tabs on you."
You frowned, disappointed that I didn’t let you do what you wanted to do. You always grew angry with me when I said, ‘no.’ But you didn’t swim by yourself that day. Instead, you did like you were told and stuck to me like gum as we played about in the vast sea. We watched the sun set over the rippling waves and inhaled the scent of salty tides. We lay on the hot sand and giggled as the waves washed our toes.
8…
My breath is getting short now and I don’t know how much longer I can continue to swim in this freezing water. I look to my right and see a large wave coming towards me. It looks like a large hand with outstretched fingers that wants to grasp me. My eyes widen and I brace myself. I can hear my heart’s pounding in my ears. I don’t want to move, or maybe it’s because I can’t…because I’m too cold.
It hits me with the force of a thousand galloping horses and then swallows me in.
9…
“Pick up the phone, damn it.” I cursed at you that weekend because I was frustrated. You were talking to someone I didn't like, a boy. Insecurity was something I struggled with according to you. Could you blame me? If you only knew what you really were, maybe you would've understood me better.
You never picked up the phone and I tried looking for you because I was afraid you were going to break it off with me. We had been fighting a lot during that time and I wanted to apologize. I never apologized before, never thought I’d have to. But now, I wish I had said sorry sooner.
Honestly, there was no sign of you anywhere. When did you learn to hide so well? Even your parents were worried.
It wasn’t until that evening when I figured out where you went. To the shore…
I was too late.
10…
I cough and tumble in the mighty wave. I’m like a toy being played with by something greater. My arms frail and I kick my feet as hard as I can. I feel the strings of the ocean tied around fingertips as I spin underneath the mass. Finally, I manage breaking through to the surface. I’m panting and letting out little cries as I push to stay up. Sucking in a deep breath of fresh air, I regain my vision.
The noise of the thundering waves is substituted by a calm ringing in my head and I welcome the odd whispers. Slowly, the currents push me back to the shore and I lie down like we used to do.
"Why? Why didn't you listen to me?"
My fingers dig into the cool sand and I grit my teeth as hot tears bubble in my eyes.
For the first time, I cry for you. The feelings that I’ve repressed come out with an eruption and without mercy. My hand suddenly flattens over my chest and my nails dig into my skin.
I want it to stop hurting so much.
I moan and turn over, the side of my head digs into the soft sand and the the thought of burying myself passes me. My whimpers replace every other sound in the world and I feel myself slipping.
Chase…
I stop. My eyes flash open and I sit up so quickly that my brain bangs against my skull. I look right and left, scanning the area. My heart can’t take the acceleration anymore. Stopping and going…stopping and going.
With parted lips I listen to the air current as it whistles my name over and over. I wipe away the tears with the back of my hand and push myself up. I stare at the ocean for a very long time, hours maybe…
You're not gone, are you? You're still here. Did you see me? Can you hear me? Feel me?
Maybe...I want to believe that you can.
When my worries become too much for me to handle, will you take my hand and walk me alongside the ocean shore?
This time, the wind gushes against me and I take a step back, surprised by the strength. My face feels like a mess of sticky tears and sand. You’d probably say I look ugly right now.
I smile at that. Finally, I break my gaze on the dark ocean and turn around, picking up my shoes and shirt.
'I'll be back,' I promise you. To listen.
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