Young Writers Society

Hey guys! A STORY!! )

Okay, I know the title seems pretty predictable and common, but, honestly, I'm trying to make it original as possible! And to any of you that may have stories similar to mine, I AM NOT COPYING OFF YOU! I don't mean to, and I don't want to. Whatever idea pops into my head, I write. Plain and simple.

Well, hope you enjoy.
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"JOSH! JOSH! JOSH! JOSH!"

That was all you heard at the football games every Thursday night. Of course, those cheers were for Joshua Gregor. The guy all the boys were envious of. The most popular guy at school. The big shot on campus. And the object of every senior, junior, sophomore, freshman girls' affection. But, mine? Not a Chance.

I was known at the 'girl behind the book'. Lovely nickname, isn't it? I earned it by sitting in the corner of the classrooms, with an Award-Winning novel covering my face. Therefore, 'girl behind the book' was my new name. But, as my parents call me, I'm Aurora. [au.ro.ra] Aurora Addison. 'Double A' as my dad likes to call me. I despise that nickname.

But, getting back to Josh. Josh Gregor simply didn't interest me. Yet, every Thursday night, around 8 o'clock, I found myself sitting on a wet, cold bleacher, watching Josh and his buddies running around, throwing and kicking a oddly shaped ball around on a grassy field. Why I did this seemed to send me into deep confusion. I guess it was because I had nothing better to do, so, I came here.

Don't get me wrong. I like coming here. Why, you ask? Because no matter what horrible things happened earlier in the day, I always looked forward to seeing all the cheerleaders and stalkers squeal to their friends, "OH MY GOSH! HE'S LIKE, SO FRIGGIN' HOT!"

Good times... good times.

The only person that didn't refer to me as 'girl behind the book' was my best friend since kindergarten. Hayden Rayne.
Hayden was the casual 'boy-next-door'. Sweet, caring, and the hopeless romantic. But not the guy who made girls swoon. That depressed him. And the blame for his depression was one person. Josh Gregor.

So, I guess by now you can understand what kind of person I am. The shy, quiet girl who sits and reads in the back of the classroom; the girl who has had one friend since kindergarten; the girl who was soon to find out that she would be someone's tutor.

And that someone was the guy all the boys were envious of. The most popular guy at school. The big shot on campus. And the object of every senior, junior, sophomore, freshman girls' affection.

Josh Gregor.

Haha.

Wow. This was terribly good. I love your MC, she's very spazzy. I like her like that! And the cliche part of it really makes it awesome.

There isn't anything to critique here. Grammar, characters and things were all good. I'll be looking for the next part.

-Jared

Holaa! I really liked this. It's concept, details, and the traditional smart girl tutors doofus boy. Love it(:

There were a few things I caught though;

C.Archer wrote:Hey guys! A STORY!! )

I was known at the 'girl behind the book'.

It should be "...as the 'girl behind the book'."

C.Archer wrote:Hey guys! A STORY!! )
Yet, every Thursday night, around 8 o'clock, I found myself sitting on a wet, cold bleacher, watching Josh and his buddies running around, throwing and kicking a oddly shaped ball around on a grassy field.

It should be "an", "...an oddly shaped ball..."




Other than those two mistakes, I adored it!
I'm anxious to read this, great job!(:

Aurora Addison
17
- Quiet
- Shy
- Always reading
- Not very open

You shouldn't be telling us that. You should be showing us. If you feel you get to a point where you have to explain your characters in dot points, you are in a very bad place. You have to trust that your readers will be able to find these facts out for themselves, and you have to trust your abilities of character development.

And try to cut down on the caps. They really kill the dramatic effect you are trying to make them have in the first place.

I didn't get too fond of. I could almost guess the ending. Yes it's rather cliche but keep writing because your style is catching. Though I can guess how everything's going to turn out and how its going end, i still want to read because you grasped me.
So basically, not such a good plot but great style.

So yea, good job!

Hey there,

I actually enjoyed reading this. You've got me 'half-hooked'. Means I'll probably read the next part

I agree about cutting out the profile thing. You need to let the reader figure out for himself.

Okay here are a few nitpicks:

NOT A CHANCE.

I'd suggest you to not use all capital letters, as Loose has already explained. In my opinion it has a stronger effect when it's typed like everything else.

Aurora Addison. 'Double AA' as my dad likes to call me.

Double AA would be AAAA, so think it should either be AA or Double A.

The shy, quiet girl who sits and reads in the back of the classroom; the girl who has had one friend since kindergarten; the girl who was soon to found out that she would be someone's tutor.

The underlined part doesn't sound quite right to me. Shouldn't it be 'was soon to find out'?

All the best and happy writing!

~Kalliope

This is incredibly cliche, i pretty much have an idea of how it's going to end already. But still, some of the best stories are cliche, so maybe you'll pull me in.

I agree with the others. The object of writing is to show, not tell, so having a little profile thing at the beginning isn't such a great idea. I myself used to do that when i was younger, so don't worry about it.

You're generally pretty good at writing, you have a decent style.

I think you just need to go over it a couple of times before you post it. Read it over to pick out any mistakes.

Kadie xxx

This piece is sort of choppy, but it has a nice voice.

The main critique that I have is concerning the last line:

“So, I guess by now you can understand what kind of person I am. The shy, quiet girl who sits and reads in the back of the classroom; the girl who has had one friend since kindergarten…”

This is what you spent the entire story explaining, so I don’t see a need to remind the reader of everything you told them five seconds before.

Other then the way the ending is arranged, it’s a fun piece. Nice work!

I liked it. A lot, the one thing I caught was the "Double AA" Thing, shouldn't it be "Double A" Oh well. Good story, keep going or I"ll stalk you like I did BBB until he finished his. , Just messin, but seriously you need to post more soon! It was really really good.

I like it. It's fun. It could turn into a more orginal piece. Like a lot of others had said earlier, I can almost see the ending. Good start though, please continue with the next chapter soon!!

I like it. It's fun. Hopefully it will develop into a more orginal piece. Like mentioned above by various people I can almost see the ending, writing itself. Good work though, please continue with the next chapter soon!!

Hey, you got me hooked! Yes, it's similar to other stories I've read but by your main character's spit-fire attitude, it should lighten things up a bit!

Well, there isn't really anything to correct. All I have for advise is Keep Writing!

Hello! Welcome, welcome, thank you for your story. I shall try to give you a good review that shall benefit you.

First of all, I love your name. Aurora Addison is very pretty. However, I want to learn about Aurora Addison from what you write, how she develops. I want to learn that she reads all the time by seeing it, not by a little box at the top of the story. Just a thought.

This had some obvious grammar and spelling mistakes, but nothing that a little lookover won't do. Reviewers above me have pointed these out, and I don't wish to be redundant.

So, my advice mostly is to work on character development. If you work with your characters, you won't need the little box.

Look forward to seeing you around.

Ky

I don't know... it was all too perky and felt too preppy for a girl who's been labeled girl-behind-a-book. It may be just me, though. I'm a serious reader, and I'm generally pretty calm and quiet most of the time.

But anyway, it was interesting. Not bad. Write on.

I loved it.
I love you're character Aurora. She's just the kind of girl I'd hang out with!
I love your organization as well. It isn't full of complete sentences and perfectly structured paragraphs that a lot of people thimk they should do. The short paragraphs and sentence fragments really add to the flow.

I was known at the 'girl behind the book'. Lovely nickname, isn't it? I earned it by sitting in the corner of the classrooms, with an Award-Winning novel covering my face. Therefore, 'girl behind the book' was my new name. But, as my parents call me, I'm Aurora. [au.ro.ra] Aurora Addison. 'Double A' as my dad likes to call me. I despise that nickname.

But, getting back to Josh. Josh Gregor simply didn't interest me. Yet, every Thursday night, around 8 o'clock, I found myself sitting on a wet, cold bleacher, watching Josh and his buddies running around, throwing and kicking a oddly shaped ball around on a grassy field. Why I did this seemed to send me into deep confusion. I guess it was because I had nothing better to do, so, I came here.

Don't get me wrong. I like coming here. Why, you ask? Because no matter what horrible things happened earlier in the day, I always looked forward to seeing all the cheerleaders and stalkers squeal to their friends, "OH MY GOSH! HE'S LIKE, SO FRIGGIN' HOT!"

Good times... good times.

My favorite part. I was introduced, and I got a little taste of your character. Also, it's an example of the incredible structure you organized your story into.
Welcome! I'd be happy to review more of your work. And I'd also be happy to present you with a gold star.

~Happy Writing!