All you ever do is laugh your head off, as if there was no tomorrow as I sit in the corner, digging my head into my novel. No, we do talk, but it's like Ying Yang.
Barely interact with each other.
And that's what I hate.
The problem here is... why don't you ever say hi to me?
We are friends with the same exact people, we actually do talk sometimes but it's me who actually starts the dang conversation.
Yes, if you haven't found out by now, I am pissed.
So, everyone tells me;
"If he doesn't bother to start a conversation with you then just forget him!"
But it's hard.
You should know why.
Don't be an ass.
I know, you're a jerk. A retard.
The hugest idiot I've met. I even LOATHE you. I can't handle the site of you sometimes because of your immaturity.
Ha, you laugh at the lamest joke in the world even.
... I still can't just simply "forget you".
Attachments
Forget Him Picture
Sydney Merryweather 229.JPG (201.08 KiB) Viewed 106 times
Last edited by Nike on Wed Apr 20, 2011 3:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
This is an interesting piece. The emotion is shown well, and the use of the short sentences to get that across was good. I did pick up on a few things like ' eachother' should be 'each other' but apart from that it's good. Overall i think that it is a good piece, maybe there could be more depth, but that's just me...
hey! this is a really good story and any crush-struck teenager can identify with it. I really like your style of writing, it's fun and FRANK AND INTERESTING. I just love the one word starting, i get stuck a lot when I have to start a story, but you got past that hurdle with flying colors so congratulations. I just wish I could get a more elaborate version, a piece with more dept to read but it still is very interesting and I liked the title you've given the story, its like made for each other. I would love to read and review more of your work so feel free to ask me for anything... -Ruhi xoxo
I liked this. I liked how it had conflict, which I notice some stories are lacking. I liked the the picture too, it kind of helped get show the story a bit more. But I felt like this story was all over the place. It was talking about forgetting him, how he never talks to the MC, how she has to start the conversations, etc.
I don't know, I still kind of liked it. Nice job though!
We all know a guy like this. I think you could make this longer. Mostly, you just bashed on the guy, but if the MC really can't forget him, then you should give some good points, too. Everyone has good points! Okay, maybe not this guy, but I bet he looks like a stunner, then. Then again, your swearing him out was my favorite part. Keep writing!
I liked this but the format annoyed me. It bothered my eyes and made it hard to connect the sentences. You're MC really resounded with me because I'm having this exact same problem. xD Hmm, there isn't much to be fixed. I'm assuming that there's more to come and I'd love for you to post on my wall when/if you post the next part. Also, I personally don't mind it very much, but you should take out the line when your MC calls the guy a retard, it's just not politically correct and is just as offensive as calling someone gay as an insult.
Favorite Lines: Kind of like a habit. No one likes habits. Especially yours.
Grade: B+
PM me if you have any questions!
~Jas
I am nothing but a mouthful of 'sorry's, half-hearted apologies that roll of my tongue, smoothquick, like 'r's or maybe like pocket candy that's just a bit too sweet.
When your heart gets pierced with arrows, don't rip them out and pierce those around you in retribution for your hurt. You'll only unnecessarily wound others and bleed to death yourself. — LadyMysterio
Gender:
Points: 314
Reviews: 267