Stay With Me

"You're adorable."

"You look pretty."

Those words echo in my mind as I stand at the bus stop, rain falling down all around me. My drenched hair hangs in my face, tears mixing with crystal clear droplets. He doesn't love me. He led me on, only to break my heart. My lips tremble, so lonely, so cold.

"...As a friend." I quickly shut my eyes, blocking out the memory. He only likes me as a friend, making my heart ache. I can't breathe, I can't hold back the tears, I just want to run, run far away. Far away from the embarrassment, the heartache, from him.

My eyes, my sky blue eyes that always locked with his remain shut, but the recollections won't leave me alone. I'm so cold, so alone and cold...

The rumbling of the bus takes me from my lonely trance, and my eyes fly open taking in the steps in front of me. I place my feet on the steps, looking down at my purple converse that he once commented on. I pause on the step.

"You comin'?" the man driving asks me.

"Are you coming?" the words remind me of him, whenever we walked to our classes..."Are you coming?"

My breathing grows heavy, I feel a weight in my chest. I can't breathe, I can't breathe.

"No, she's staying," a voice says, and I recognize that voice. A hand wraps around my wrist, slowly guiding me off the steps backwards.

Its a dream,I think. It has to be a dream.

When I feel the sidewalk beneath my feet, the doors close, and I watch the bus drive away, chugging along to the next bus stop. I feel firm, warm arms around my waist, slowly turning me to face him.

His dark chocolate eyes lock with mine, and his lips slowly press against mine, and I can't breathe. But I don't want to. I want to stay in his arms forever, I want him to stay with me.

"I love you," I whisper breathlessly as we pull apart.

"I love you too."

"But what about what you told-"

"That's over. I was prideful and stupid, you're the only one for me." He slowly touches a wet clump of hair and places it behind my ear. "I love you."

"Stay with me," I breathe, kissing him again.

"I will. I promise. Just as long as you never leave me, and you stay with me."

"Stay with me."

Pretty good story, I like it. The beginning was a tad heart breaking, which is what you were going for, no? And in the end they end up getting back together, that’s really sweet. I can’t help but feel the male is the dominant one in this relationship, I’m sure that was intentional as well. Over all I like it.
There was only one thing I saw, it’s kind of nitpicky.

Its a dream,I think. It has to be a dream.

There’s no space between the comma and the I

All in all a great story. Can’t wait to see more.

Heya Forest!!
This story sucked me into a daydream... That never happens. Bravo!!
I shall review this in pretty pink, why? Because I can

Far away from the embarrassment, the heartache from him. Unnecessary comma.

My eyes, the sky blue ones that always locked with his remain shut,... What? 'the sky blue ones'? It sounds like she has more than two eyes... I personally think: My sky blue eyes that always locked with his remain shut,...

"You comin'?" the man driving asks me. You should always add a hyphen if you are leaving the 'g' out of 'ing' (leavin' leaving, comin' coming, etc.).

I love this story! It never happens, but i hope it does! It brought me the feeling i love. But here are some things that should be edited.

Remember to put commas where they are supposed to be!
"Comin'"
When you end words without the g at the end always add the hyfen. like coming-comin', something-somethin', etc.

Over all, i loved it. Keep on writing!

This story was very cute. : ) *Likes*

Hi, Emily. I haven't reviewed in a while so stick with me

"You're adorable."

"You look pretty."

I thought this was an interesting way to start off. It's made me wonder what in the world was going on. But since no one is actually saying anything, she's hearing it in her mind, remembering it, I'd put it in italics. Personally I think it's a better way because it makes sure the reader knows no one is actually saying anything. I'm not sure if there are rules for italics but I'd use them here.


Okay, this is where I'm gonna be a little mean. I haven't been in that many relationships, but I know I've never felt like I couldn't breathe because of a guy I liked. I think your MC was a little over dramatic with the not being able to breathe thing. I understand she'd cry and stuff but if they never actually had a relationship that shouldn't happen. If I'm missing something, you might want to add in about them being together before and then your MC finding out he only liked her as a friend Also I need more background. Why in the world did this boy show up in the pouring rain to stop her from getting on the bus? Where was she going(if that had something to do with it)? I can't really feel anything for your characters either because I don't know much about them. I think that's just cause it's short.

Overall I think it's gonna be a very interesting story if you work on it and expand it a little. And most of that stuff is just my opinion so you can ignore what you like . Good luck if you continue it.

~peanut~

I'm not that nitpicky so all I have to say is I LOVED IT! I'm not the lovey dovey person some ppl are, but this was VERY good! Hyphens and the



Its a dream,I think. It has to be a dream.




part is getting to me.....okay maybe I am nitpicky but I'm a perfectionist! Anyways GREAT JOB!

Awww... I love it. It seems so real..

It was good, but predictable. I loved your details and your emotion, but I knew what was going to happen. To make it more alluring you can add a twist, a creative one. The whole "your the only one for me" thing just doesn't sound convincing enough. You started out so deep, so I think you should finish like that.

My eyes, my sky blue eyes that always locked with his remain shut, but the recollections won't leave me alone. I'm so cold, so alone and cold...

Sky blue eyes are a bit cliché in the romance section. I think you should have a more POWERFUL way of describing the blue in her eyes.

It was great...I loved it!!!!

Awww, that was a nice, sweet and cute story! I didn't see any typos I think, and... well, you write really good. Wow, you have a whole bunch or reviews and now I am out of things to say because everyone else has used up all of my words. Well... I like the begining, you had some good imagery.
=]

yep, this is definitely one cute piece of story... i don't think the next part would top this one,, or that's just how i think... at least.

your descriptions are well said, and i can actually imagine this like a moving picture in my head, which is a good thing since it's short and sweet... but i'm done with cute stories like this, I've read and watch stories same as this one so many times, and i may not be your no1 fan but i'm a fan when it comes to your story construction! keep it up...!