Inside the Mind of a 7-year-old Romantic

I sat in the corner of my classroom. I was like every other 2nd grader, stupid. I slowly stood up and trotted toward my stout teacher.
"Umm, I think Genevieve is here." I said to my teacher Mrs. Martin.
"Honey, Genevieve doesn't come 'till the end of the day." she replied. "Now go back to the corner and think about what you have done."
I walked back to my original location. I slumped back into the corner. Bitch. That's all that fucking teacher is, a bitch I thought to myself.
Having ADD, I got up and stood next to Maria, the girl who caused me to go to the corner.
"Sorry I pulled your hair. I only did it because I like you and I wanted to cover it up to make it seem like I don't. Will you forgive me and be my girlfriend?"

Now I look back, I know why I got that note home. (and it was only a few weeks ago!)

Yep! That's my little bro. He is a pair of jeans! Cause he comes from a family of jeans
He has a massive vocabulary for a 7 year old. Good job Lucian!

-gags- you guys? geniuses? HAHAHA, maybe him but you young Z? hehe, juuuust kidding, nice story young one, v. intersting... and young Z? shush!

Age doesn't matter! Well, it shouldn't. I'm not going easy on you just because you're 7, lol.


I sat in the corner of my classroom. I was like every other 2nd grader, stupid. I slowly stood up and trotted toward my stout teacher.

These short sentences are really repetitive. Maybe you could do something like:

Sitting in the corner of my classroom, I was like every other second grader; stupid.

You should spell out second, and replace your comma with a semicolon. Also, maybe you should put the teacher's name up here in this sentence, vs. the next ones. Like this:

I slowly stood up and trotted toward my teacher, stout Mrs. Martin.


"Umm, I think Genevieve is here." I said to my teacher Mrs. Martin.
"Honey, Genevieve doesn't come 'till the end of the day." she replied.

I think here you change the period after the quote into a comma.


I walked back to my original location. I slumped back into the corner.

I like the original location thing. Very nice word choice. However, having the word 'back' in two sentences in a row is bad. lol, sorry.

Bitch. That's all that fucking teacher is, a bitch I thought to myself.

Wow. Did your sisters teach you those words? Haha sorry. Its just suprising. Oops, I'm being a hypocrit. Age shouldn't affect critiques. For the sake of sentence structure, again, play around with how you put this. For example, you could put:

'Bitch', I thought to myself. 'Thats all that fucking teacher is; a bitch.'



Having ADD, I got up and stood next to Maria, the girl who caused me to go to the corner.

This doesn't make sense. Maybe it would work better if you put 'Having ADD, I was unable to sit still, so I got up and (ect)'.



"Sorry I pulled your hair. I only did it because I like you and I wanted to cover it up to make it seem like I don't. Will you forgive me and be my girlfriend?"

Now THAT is some serious awesomeness. SO FUNNY! It made me laugh so hard my parents and brother gave me some weird looks, lol.

Now I look back, I know why I got that note home. (and it was only a few weeks ago!)

I think you should drop the sentence in the parenthacies(SP). It doesn't really add much to the storyline.



Also, all of these coments are just me, don't take them too seriously . Keep righting!!


(AND PLEASE DON'T SIK ZEL ON ME!) (Hehe, kidding ) You have a cool family.[/i]

Calling your brother a 'guinness' isn't exactly nice.

'"Sorry I pulled your hair. I only did it because I like you and I wanted to cover it up to make it seem like I don't. Will you forgive me and be my girlfriend?" '

Why can't all guys be that honest? Hehe, just kidding.

I think you need a rating on this

Interesting.... ^_^

Thanks for all your input everybody!!! Especially Jennafina, I will definitely use your suggestions!!!

Bitch. That's all that fucking teacher is, a bitch I thought to myself.
Hmm... Words don't boost up age... I suggest taking out the 'words'. They're very unnecessary.

It was interesting, I must say. Don't know if you can pull that stunt off in 4 more years, but take advantage of that while you can.

That's very interesting that is. I laughed. It was cool. Thanx for that piece.
~Torpid

Whoa, Normally age shouldnt matter at all but you are an amazing writer for your age. It was a very cute and funny peice, life was so simple, back in the days. Ah, to be seven again!

Wow, that was good. Some strong language there, but it was still good.

I can't believe that you're a seven-year-old. There's like no spelling mistakes whatsoever, no punctuation mistakes--nothing. Did you get help with writing it out or what?

I personally thought the story was too short for me to really get a huge opinion on it. I thought it was pretty good, though.

Will you be adding to it?

Haha! Ask Zel to tell me who I am, if you don't remember, but wen I saw you i never would've guessed that you could write that!

Wow, I didn't know people learned swear words so young.

Also-wow, I didn't know people could write with correct spelling, punctuation and grammar that young.

No, wait, I'm pretty sure I could, actually, but still; this isn't something you see every day!

Hey irresistible kitties,

Bitch. That's all that fucking teacher is, a bitch

There should be a comma after the last bitch.

Regardless of your age ,the kid in the book is only in second grade and shouldn't be thinking like that. A lot of second graders have a limited vocabulary also. My little sister is in second grade and if someone says crap shes all "Ooooo you said the "C" word." Many little ones are taught that "curse" words and actual curse words are not okay to say or think ,so they aren't even kept in their heads.