"I've got dreams like you--no really!--just much less, touchy-feeley. They mainly happen somewhere warm and sunny on an island that I own, tanned and rested and alone surrounded by enormous piles of money." -Flynn Rider, Tangled
destructive habit mentions of drugs but it's just asprin
Spoiler! :
deleted messages on my phone the light covering my face in the night scribbling out everything i hate about myself to be fair that's all of me. red pen is my best friend when it comes to crosses and cuts (if i scar myself it's brought upon myself i am my own worst critic after all)
if i break my phone will i feel beautiful (i am hyperfixated on the way i look like some kind of narcissisist.)
ripped up envelopes scattered across my floor wasted paper and wasted time (i adressed them to everything that hurt me- so, all of them were adressed to me.) ink spilled over my desk the quill i used no longer serves me (if i were to have an address it would be on self-loathing lane)
if i shatter destiny will my legacy be studied (i am scared of being forgotten but more so of being remembered)
empty pill bottles stacked neatly in medicine cabinets ripped off labels leaving residue next to the water glass used every day (killing this pain of walking is my only euphoria) pills go down my throat as if they're food i've gotten used to this routine (but in all fairness, i've never had another.)
i have prolonged my living process (junkmail of a voice box, my adam's apple is voicemail.) respond after this tone: (my screams fill the silence) please return this call some day eventually you'll know that this landline is filled with dust (i'm no new model when society is ever-changing) if i am to be renewed will it be free? will i be free? (my reincarnate will be broken because of my actions i mean just look at me) i cut my wire a long time ago i'm just another flatline (my heart flickered out a long time ago)
1.5 fertile land in dirt i find home (darkened area of pure quiet) in dirt i find peace (moistened area of impure minds) i give unto you my utmost solace (if i am dirt as well have i decomposed?) i give unto you my deepest remorse sorry for all the mess i've caused by being alive (my biggest curse is being alive anyway because in my life i have decomposed not only myself but the world)
if i break my past and bottle my tears will my future blossom or wilt if i falter will my voice die out will everyone look up at me and point and shout (their screams deafening me i wonder when this hell will stop)
somehow i'm scared of everything i do (yet i regret everything i haven't done promise of the future breaks my present) if i do not act i've failed to plan if i end up acting i've planned to fail (either way my heart is torn and then i'm filled with...
jumping on each opportunity with hope (but if i go in fast forward will the world walk past me in slo-mo?) film reel of my mind wound up and tattered (tattered, not torn. i've died internally much longer than i've lived externally) and i'm scared that when time leaves me when i die will i be forgotten in the ebb and flow of time? when i die will my actions be lost in the tide of the earth?
these questions keep me up at night but over time i've lost my will to sleep nightmares will overcome my reality (if i interrupt REM sleep i'll end up with...
Last edited by herbalhour on Tue Apr 02, 2024 7:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
my darkest nights i've broken my cycle (though my eyes are like butterflies they will never flutter shut) the horrors of reorganizing my mind is like a jigsaw puzzle (but i am so scatterbrained that it's more like a roll of the dice)
chasing nightmares that i wish i had fleeing dreams that brought back the dead i wish i left the past in the past because if i ever make one simple mistake my whole world will break and i'll have...
i remember going up there the trees passed me by every single thing reminded me of you (the dirt paths, the card games, the lake house.) you know, i cried when i last saw you knowing that it would be the last (that pink ribbon meant so much, and i wondered if god had cursed you) your laughter echoes through every room your face in every picture frame (to know you are gone leaves my heart ................................................................. ...........broken........................................... .........and...by............................................ tattered......your.....__________________ ....................flatline.................................... (when the beeping stops, what am i supposed to remember you by?) dedicated to my aunt t. who lives on in my memory
kindling fires in my heart using the promise of love you said it was necessary i needed to have this fire lit (if that was the case, then are my heartstrings a joke to you?) the embers of my tears cascade from what i call my eyes they only fuel my anger (hate and harm are 2 letters off, yet they mean the same exact thing to you.) the wildfire of our love left the pure forest of my heart scorched (even if i replant, this scar will last forever.)
Last edited by herbalhour on Tue Apr 30, 2024 3:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
HERB. AHHHHHHHH!! i can't express how much i love your poems through words so i hope imagining my scream of delight is enough xD okay okay:
first off, the imagery!! super relevant descriptions in each of your poems :] also all the sayings and references and the twists on them-- you know they're my fav =P
and then the way your phobia poems loop back to each other is also super cool like whaaaat i have never seen that done before but it is epic :0
and the words leading to the flatline in "pink ribbon" !!!!!!!!
the heart and emotion in your poems + the way you convey it through metaphors and specific phrasing is amazing. i cannot wait to read more herb poetry soon!!
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