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i should be sleeping but my heart is awake



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Fri Apr 10, 2020 6:33 pm
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EditorAndPerks says...



You are doing amazing so far Blue! <33 I've really enjoyed these poems and reading through how you create them/your thought processes. Good luck with the rest of your NaPo C:
"You know that I can't / Show you me / Give you me"
- The Truth Untold (BTS)
"Please give me a remedy / a melody"
- Jamais Vu (BTS)
"The lights illuminating your eyes / They're the me from now"
- Inner Child (BTS)
  





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Fri Apr 10, 2020 6:55 pm
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alliyah says...



I love the twist on the image of the egg [I swear I'm not going to say a single thing about unclassified here] - but like in the initial reading, I thought the egg was prematurely cracked (like for cooking) -> but then as I got to the last lines -> I thought, maybe it's just the baby-bird ready to crack out of the egg. You're able to capture some of the violence/pain of birth in the changing of seasons/growing of life, and it's simple, but also elegant how you're pairing those ordinary images. Lovely imagery, and I'm enjoying reading all of your pieces of poetry so far Blue. <3
maybe i make up colors for poetic cadence, but i don't think i can ever love someone who doesn't understand that teal is a different color than dark cyan
  





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Fri Apr 10, 2020 8:14 pm
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BluesClues says...



Thanks @fraey <3 It helps me to see things all messy and it helps me to write stuff out by hand first. (But also in this case the bit of poem I sort of got yesterday and the imagery in poem format I wrote back in April are pretty far apart in my poetry journal, so now they're together, which might help when I work further.)

@alliyah my first thought was definitely more of an egg prematurely cracked or an egg damaged in the carton/dropped/etc, but you actually gave me a different direction to go - I'm not even sure my original notes were *really* meant to be all one poem, although that's the idea - so I really appreciate your comment <3
  





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Mon Apr 13, 2020 4:07 am
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mckaylaam says...



I really like version 3 of your first poem, specifically the second one in the double post - where you placed "some people" in that version seemed to feel like a natural placement to me (of course, other people might like it in other places, so this is just my opinion). Good job on getting two poems done, just two more to go - I'm sure you'll be able to meet your goal. Good luck! :)
And I love the thought of being with you,
or maybe it's the thought of not being so alone.


  





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Mon Apr 13, 2020 3:27 pm
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BluesClues says...



Thanks @mckaylaam! I really appreciate getting your feedback - I have *not* been able to decide where to place "some people" in the poem.
  





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User avatar
1727 Reviews

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Gender: Female
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Thu Apr 30, 2020 12:24 am
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BluesClues says...



poem 3, version 1


comments welcome here, or leave me a review to get some points

twitter1.png
  





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Thu Apr 30, 2020 2:08 am
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BluesClues says...



poem 4, version 1


comments welcome here, or leave me a review to get some points

twitter1.png
  





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Thu Apr 30, 2020 4:07 am
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EditorAndPerks says...



OHMYGOSH BLUE 2 poems ????? and they’re both spectacular ????? ahhhh
"You know that I can't / Show you me / Give you me"
- The Truth Untold (BTS)
"Please give me a remedy / a melody"
- Jamais Vu (BTS)
"The lights illuminating your eyes / They're the me from now"
- Inner Child (BTS)
  





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1727 Reviews

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Gender: Female
Points: 94060
Reviews: 1727







“I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.”
— L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables