I posted it a little while back and have since edited it and fixed it up a bit according to the suggestions (mostly advising me to rewrite one scene, which I did). However, I'm at a stage now where I just really don't like it. I want to start improving it but I'm having trouble distancing myself from it, so I'd love your opinions and critique on it.
Because of my horrible manners, I never thanked you for reviewing my last piece. But it helped a lot. There were things I didn't like about it but that I couldn't quite place, and you helped me see some of them, like the lacking of the senses. Anyway, the next part is up - chapter two - and I would love if you could it a review.
That's not a problem, I don't expect to be thanked for the reviews and when I am it's always a pleasant surprise I'll gladly take a look at it for you xx
Go and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here. — Neil Gaiman
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