Young Writers Society

Again, I dont know where this came from. It started out as something completely different. And the commas are gone.

Thought-Blossoms

To say that I think too much
Would grossly understate
The nature of my problem-
Just as to say that a tree merely flowers
Would be to lessen the beauty
Of buds erupting from dead branches
Like Christ resurrected.
That is not to imply that my thoughts
Are beautiful; they seep under my skin
Like a suit of tar,
And while there may be glimpses
Of light amidst the glutinous liquid,
It is a reflection of beauty that dazzles the eye
Rather than a thing of beauty itself.
Instead I confess that my thoughts subsist
In as much profusion as those apple-blossoms
Frequenting an orchard in springtime;
But like the petals of a wilting flower,
They are gone
Before I have time to do more than
Mark the passing of their existence-
For my thoughts are no more tangible
Than the presence
Of a season.

wow. made me think, and at the present moment, that's saying something. just a few things...

Instead, I confess that my thoughts subsist

i wouldn't have a comma after instead-it reads choppily i think; same where you have but a few lines down. this may be grammitacilly correct, but i don't like grammar in poems unless it interfers with the meaning of something. would that, in oyur opinion, change the meaning of anything? i read it a few different ways, and i don't think it did, but i'm not the author here, so this is just an opinion.

last lines-beautiful :thumb: ties everything together. good use of different examples to make a point.

Mesh, You rock my world!! I feel the same way about grammar and poetry. I agree, dispense with the commas.

Would be to lessen the beauty
Of buds erupting from dead branches
Like Christ resurrected.

Gives new meaning to the words "eery beauty". I love it.