Young Writers Society

What if we're all just hiding.
And the truth won't ever come out.
We lie and deceit and cower,
Because in ourselves we see doubt.
We don't want people to know,
Who we really, truly are.
It's as if we're somehow scared,
Of not quite reaching par.

I know that I seem confident,
But honestly, I'm scared.
The judgemental eyes of everyone,
Strike fear into my head.
And I wonder if they'll like me,
Or think I'm not smart or funny or caring.
I find it hard to be myself.
With society's relentless voice blaring.

But we can never be different,
Unless we are confident deep within.
And I will never be different,
For I so long to fit in.
And that boy with the nervous tick,
Sits alone during lunch.
And that kid who likes science,
Still gets his daily punch.

I like the idea but I'm not really sure I like the delivery but that could just be personal preference although i do think you made one mistake here.

But we can never be different,
Unless we are confident deep within.
And I will never be different,
For I so long to fit in.
And they boy with the nervous tick,
Sits alone during lunch.
And that kid who likes science,
Still gets his daily punch.

I think you had intended to put "And that boy with the nervous tick, "

Other than that I can't really find any problems with it

Oh wow!

Hi there, AngusMacdonald!

Awesome job, kid! I like your poem, it has potential. But I have the feeling that the second and third stanza are by far better than the first one. And that should not happen, if the reader doesn't like the first stanza he'll just stop reader and he'll miss the awesomeness of the other ones. D:

So here's what I suggest: Add more beauty to your first stanza. You could either add a metaphor or mend a simple word and transform it into something someone should analyze to get the meaning. Like for example: darkness = lack of light. That would make your opening way more interesting and you'd be more appreciated as the great writer that you are.

Keep it up!

~Solly<3

Oh my gosh, that is one of the best poems I've read on here. I think it was great and it left me speechless.

I have nothing to correct you on or anything. So I'm just gonna compliment and leave, haha.

Congrats, it's great!
Keep it up, please!
I would like to read more of your work.
Sincerely,
Ciara<3

Hi Angus!

This is a brilliant piece and I share your sentiments as well. People yearn to be accepted and liberated of their uniqueness that makes them different from the rest. Fitting in and being accepted is the main objective and that gets in the way of being an individual self with one's own dreams and interests and aspirations. Fear of society's judgements towards the way we live and worrying about what friends may think forces us to cower down and sometimes even put on a mask and pretend to be something we are not.

The presentation was neat and with the three stanzas laid out in a simplistic style, gives the poem a great feel. The rhyme was very good and though it mostly, according to me, subtle, it still made an impression of the entire poem and added to the message. For me this piece is fine the way it is and doesn't need any re-doing. All the words fit nicely and the language does not make it tedious for the mind to digest.

Overall, an A+ with the added merit of great context and subject. I'm glad you've shared your thoughts. Keep the ink flowing, my friend!

Murtuza