Young Writers Society

Head aches from useless procedures
of laws and regulations
of no interest or revelation to matters at hand

the ac clicks on
despite the rooms inherent coolness and summer heat outside
and grey walls covered with children's paintings
add false cheeriness and colour
to a place that strictly adheres to guidelines
made up on the spot
that plead ignorance when questioned
or lack of understanding when attacked

dark hair now a red blond
of puke green personality
and light blue floor
sends pandemonium spiraling
with steel grey there to come crashing down
upon the hopes and half-hearted attempts
to placate the mess despite the clarification ofnothing
through hours of bickering sending all home on disgust.

Lovely and anarchistic. The lines are really powerful and stick in your mind, and that's good in a poem with a message such as this. Although my least favourite part was the first three lines of the third stanza, which seem to not fit to me...but if you like them there they still sound good. Some of the lines seem a bit wordy though - eg "to placate the mess despite the clarification of nothing" and I often lost the meaning of the line due to it's stuffing full of syllables. Not saying it's bad, it just often made the poem hard to read and a few lines I had to re-read to receive the full meaning, so it kinda disrupts the flow.

Overall it was good though, and I enjoyed it. Can't understand why you said you didn't like it, but hey, other people can like it for you, eh?

I like it too... it was cool.

Thanks Ari!

Jack, I agree, some lines are rather jumbled. And those three lines from the third stanza.. lol, those are just.. erm...well, they do have a meaning (to me), but they don't fit in the poem very well, I agree.

Hmm.. Do I perhaps know the meaning? I think we discussed this in band once lol.

I love this. You're obviously mocking the system (I can just imagine your sarcastic voice now) and it grows to the end, keeping your attention. Er, my attention. Which is amazing in itself.. Lol. Anyway, great as always.

Interesting. Was this supposed be about the effects of boredom, or did you just write it because you were bored?

Both. It's about something, and I was bored with what was happening, so I wrote about it.

ok, I fixed this up a bit, hows the wordiness? (eh, is that a word?)


Head aches from useless procedures
of laws and regulations
of no interest or revelation to matters at hand

the ac clicks on
despite the rooms inherent coolness
and summer heat outside
grey walls covered with children's paintings
add false cheeriness and colour
to a place that strictly adheres to guidelines
made up on the spot
that plead ignorance when questioned
or lack of understanding when attacked
sends pandemonium spiraling
with steel grey there to come crashing down
upon the hopes
and half-hearted attempts
to placate a mess past futility
through hours of bickering
sending all home in disgust.