Thought-Blossoms

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Again, I dont know where this came from. It started out as something completely different. :? And the commas are gone.

Thought-Blossoms

To say that I think too much
Would grossly understate
The nature of my problem-
Just as to say that a tree merely flowers
Would be to lessen the beauty
Of buds erupting from dead branches
Like Christ resurrected.
That is not to imply that my thoughts
Are beautiful; they seep under my skin
Like a suit of tar,
And while there may be glimpses
Of light amidst the glutinous liquid,
It is a reflection of beauty that dazzles the eye
Rather than a thing of beauty itself.
Instead I confess that my thoughts subsist
In as much profusion as those apple-blossoms
Frequenting an orchard in springtime;
But like the petals of a wilting flower,
They are gone
Before I have time to do more than
Mark the passing of their existence-
For my thoughts are no more tangible
Than the presence
Of a season.
Last edited by bubblewrapped on Sat Dec 25, 2004 5:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
Got a poem or short story you want me to critique?

There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it. (C D Morley)




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wow. made me think, and at the present moment, that's saying something. just a few things...
Instead, I confess that my thoughts subsist

i wouldn't have a comma after instead-it reads choppily i think; same where you have but a few lines down. this may be grammitacilly correct, but i don't like grammar in poems unless it interfers with the meaning of something. would that, in oyur opinion, change the meaning of anything? i read it a few different ways, and i don't think it did, but i'm not the author here, so this is just an opinion.

last lines-beautiful :thumb: ties everything together. good use of different examples to make a point.




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Mesh, You rock my world!! I feel the same way about grammar and poetry. I agree, dispense with the commas.

Would be to lessen the beauty
Of buds erupting from dead branches
Like Christ resurrected.


Gives new meaning to the words "eery beauty". I love it.
"El sueño de la razon produce monstrisos"
--Fransisco de Goya



Some people are hourglass shaped, some people are apple shaped, some people are pear shaped, some people are even bean pole shaped, but if we’re not careful we all become banana shaped. This is your gentle posture reminder.
— Ranger