as i look for those who weep
as i look for those who love
as i look for those who laugh
as i look deep in your eyes
i see the endless love you have for me
so take me
I'm your and i will love as much as you love me
Romance...romance makes me...makes me...*hurridley runs outside and vomits*
*comes back inside* Sorry about that. Romantic poetry just doesn't do anything for me, but I must say that I liked the repetition. After me will be another critiquer who'll probally say that they hate the repetition, but I likes it.
You need to put capitals where capitals are due, and "your" should be "your's", I'm thinking? Short, but I don't think that matters.
This does feel a little cliched...but doesn't ALL romantic poetry/fiction get a trifle banal? Don't get put off by this - I repeat: I liked the structure of this poem.
-Twit
"TV makes sense. It has logic, structure, rules, and likeable leading men. In life, we have this. We have you." -Abed Nadir
Every time I’ve gotten feedback that was hard to take it was usually hard to take because there was truth in it and I didn’t like that (or didn’t want to receive it). That’s not to say all harsh feedback is good or that we should be harsh for harshness’ sake, but learning to absorb truth without letting it break your inner core/break you is a lifelong skill that keeps your mind elastic and open to learning. — soundofmind