as i look for those who weep
as i look for those who love
as i look for those who laugh
as i look deep in your eyes
i see the endless love you have for me
so take me
I'm your and i will love as much as you love me
Romance...romance makes me...makes me...*hurridley runs outside and vomits*
*comes back inside* Sorry about that. Romantic poetry just doesn't do anything for me, but I must say that I liked the repetition. After me will be another critiquer who'll probally say that they hate the repetition, but I likes it.
You need to put capitals where capitals are due, and "your" should be "your's", I'm thinking? Short, but I don't think that matters.
This does feel a little cliched...but doesn't ALL romantic poetry/fiction get a trifle banal? Don't get put off by this - I repeat: I liked the structure of this poem.
-Twit
"TV makes sense. It has logic, structure, rules, and likeable leading men. In life, we have this. We have you." -Abed Nadir