Yellow Walls

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timjim77
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Wed Jan 25, 2006 2:27 am
timjim77 says... · Wed Jan 25, 2006 2:27 am
With cream flavored hands,
She rocks her child
In the yellow-lit room
With a lullaby wild.

And the yellow walls
Speak in softer tones
As the babe is weeping
Through its poor bones.
Last edited by timjim77 on Thu Jun 05, 2008 5:56 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Angel17
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Thu Jan 26, 2006 11:29 am
Angel17 says... · Thu Jan 26, 2006 11:29 am
i like the varied pace. Its slow until the end and then speeds up, it added more of an effect.

Also; lullabye should be lullaby.
Real poetry are those with the best words in the best order

~~~~~~~~Mandy~~~~~~~~~
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xanthan gum
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Thu Jan 26, 2006 10:03 pm
xanthan gum says... · Thu Jan 26, 2006 10:03 pm
fix "lullabye" and fix the rhythm on this line:

Yellow seeps through its bones.


otherwise, it was very good. i didn't catch the entire meaning, i'm sure, but i enjoyed in nonetheless.
i suppose rhyming poetry is catching on more. this certainly is leaving me behind. :)
Carpe Diem.
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lin night
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Fri Jan 27, 2006 5:01 am
lin night says... · Fri Jan 27, 2006 5:01 am
The "lullabye" was intentional, was it not? If I understood the poem correctly, it fits quite well.
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"In my contact with people I find that, as a rule, it is only the little, narrow people who live for themselves, who never read good books, who do not travel, who never open up their souls in a way to permit them to come into contact with other souls -- with the great outside world."
— Booker T. Washington, Up From Slavery