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Young Writers Society
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Other Poetry
Yellow Walls
4 posts
timjim77
Gender
Points
890
Reviews
212
Wed Jan 25, 2006 2:27 am
timjim77
says...
·
Wed Jan 25, 2006 2:27 am
With cream flavored hands,
She rocks her child
In the yellow-lit room
With a lullaby wild.
And the yellow walls
Speak in softer tones
As the babe is weeping
Through its poor bones.
Last edited by
timjim77
on Thu Jun 05, 2008 5:56 am, edited 2 times in total.
Angel17
Gender
Points
1040
Reviews
202
Thu Jan 26, 2006 11:29 am
Angel17
says...
·
Thu Jan 26, 2006 11:29 am
i like the varied pace. Its slow until the end and then speeds up, it added more of an effect.
Also; lullabye should be lullaby.
Real poetry are those with the best words in the best order
~~~~~~~~Mandy~~~~~~~~~
xanthan gum
Gender
Points
890
Reviews
688
Thu Jan 26, 2006 10:03 pm
xanthan gum
says...
·
Thu Jan 26, 2006 10:03 pm
fix "lullabye" and fix the rhythm on this line:
Yellow seeps through its bones.
otherwise, it was very good. i didn't catch the entire meaning, i'm sure, but i enjoyed in nonetheless.
i suppose rhyming poetry is catching on more. this certainly
is
leaving me behind.
Carpe Diem.
lin night
Gender
Points
1040
Reviews
92
Fri Jan 27, 2006 5:01 am
lin night
says...
·
Fri Jan 27, 2006 5:01 am
The "lullabye" was intentional, was it not? If I understood the poem correctly, it fits quite well.
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Be steadfast as a tower that doth not bend its stately summit to the tempest’s shock.
— Dante Alighieri