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Starry Night...



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Fri Dec 16, 2011 1:52 pm
midnightsky says...



Starry Night
Chapter One…

It was a dark, starry night. I could hear absolutely nothing; only the strong drumming of my heart assured me I was still alive. Lying absolutely still among the large pool of blood that had gradually poured out the gaping hole in my chest, I gazed at the midnight stars with a questioning and a clamorous glare.

I was scrawled across the sidewalk in a dark alley behind a bowling lane, in the most peculiar and abnormal position; where I was completely immobile and in complete pain. It was like all my nerve cells had simply deactivated, deducing no control over my body, except for my eyes which were about to roll off my head, if their bulging upsurge, continued any longer.

Whatever had gotten me out here and in this situation was a complete haze to me, blocked by a vicious firewall that I desperately clawed at within my head. For I knew, if I was ever to unearth the truth as to how in hell I had reached this present, I was to find out what was being held so meticulously behind that wall that was evidently put their by someone else.

The flashing lights of the Bowling Alley sign flashed mockingly at me as if to prove some sort of point. It began to rain. In a matter of seconds I was completely soaked with both water and whatever else was surrounding me, other than the blood that had washed away into the sewage, that by the way, had begun to undoubtedly reek, creating a very foul, despicable and repulsive stench that only improved my night even more.

I know most people who would be slowly bleeding to death in a dark alley, would be frantic, however, I have always found that very annoying; instead, one should be calm, as to not bleed even more and simply think about what they should do. I have to admit, though, even I was frantic at I first. I mean seriously, if you woke up to complete darkness, with a striking pain in your chest and the rest of your body, you would probably freak out; no reason to deny that.

Anyway, back to our mysterious tale….

Dying, was never a thought that occurred to me before, however, it took up most of my thoughts when I was on the verge of meeting my very own reaper. I don’t know how long I had been lying on the cold, unnerving and rough ground, with rock that cut through my back.

My eyes began to close slowly, I could feel the darkness threading its spindly web around me, pulling me closer and closer the more I gave into it. I could feel warmth pulsing from the darkness, that enveloped me, as it gingerly wove its way into my body, I welcomed it.

It was not only warm, but also very soft, with a feathery and delicate touch that called me towards it. I wanted so badly to give into it, to take off on it, floating, as I followed the waves that led to me to my very own deathbed, but I couldn’t. As much as I wanted to give in and no longer fight so hard for every shattering breath I took, there was no way in hell that I was going to die without even graduating high school first.

Footsteps sounded off in the distance, it sounded like whoever was walking this late at night was heading in my direction, getting closer by the second. Seconds passed, yet they felt like years baring a heavy weight on my weak, fragile shoulders that were searing with pain.

Absolute darkness; I must have finally gone under from all the blood loss. The last thing that came to my mind is a husky, yet velvety voice of a man that gave my heart a sudden jump-start, “Finally……… I have found you…. my Stella…”

I remember regaining consciousness a few times, the first time I saw eyes, two beautiful dark sea blue eyes with sparks of purple and a forehead, creased with worry lines. The second or third time all I saw were flashing lights, the sound of beepers and shouting from blurry figures in white, pink and blue, as I felt a rush of wind in my face. It felt as if I were traveling fast down a bright unwinding hallway that seemed forever to go on.

Copyright@ Only people who ask permission of the author can use this story. Any violations of this of this act could end in serious consequences.
Last edited by midnightsky on Sun Dec 18, 2011 10:44 am, edited 2 times in total.
  





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Fri Dec 16, 2011 3:24 pm
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VincentQuest91 says...



This is absolutely awesome. Pretty dark but very awesome.
Good choice of words.
No mistakes at all.

Excellent job and congrats on your first post.

Keep writing, Cheers,
Quest.
Quest.
  





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Fri Dec 16, 2011 4:32 pm
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ChocoCookie says...



I loved it! :D

Very imaginative and ... I do not know. Awesome? Lol. ^.^
That's all I can type now. Too tired.

Keep Writing! 8P

Cookie <3'
I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living.


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Fri Dec 16, 2011 9:04 pm
IsItLove says...



I thought that was written amazingly. You didn't give too much away to the reader. However, you kept the reader drawn in with you beautiful description.
I gazed at the midnight stars with a questioning and a clamorous glare.

I think this piece is amazing and I cannot wait to read some more of your work.
Keep writing! :)
Passion for writing make all the difference; it turns a good novel into a great one.
  





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Fri Dec 16, 2011 9:12 pm
midnightsky says...



Thank you! I really hope you enjoyed it!
- Midnight
  





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Sat Dec 17, 2011 3:49 am
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NightWriter says...



Hey MidnightSky,

One thing:
I was scrawled across the sidewalk in a dark alley behind a bowling lane, in the most peculiar and abnormal position; where I was completely immobile and in complete pain. It was like all my nerve cells had simply deactivated, deducing no control over my body, except for my eyes which were about to roll off my head, if their bulging upsurge, continued any longer.

I remembered nothing; whatever had gotten me out here and in this situation was a complete haze to me, blocked by a vicious firewall that I desperately clawed at within my head. For I knew, if I was ever to unearth the truth as to how in hell I had reached this present, I was to find out what was being held so meticulously behind that wall that was evidently put their by someone else.

The flashing lights of the Bowling Alley sign flashed mockingly at me as if to prove some sort of point. It began to rain. In a matter of seconds I was completely soaked with both water and whatever else was surrounding me, other than the blood that had washed away into the sewage, that by the way, had begun to undoubtedly reek, creating a very foul, despicable and repulsive stench that only improved my night even more.

I know most people who would be slowly bleeding to death in a dark alley, would be frantic, however, I have always found that very annoying; instead, one should be calm, as to not bleed even more and simply think about what they should do. But I have to admit even I was frantic at I first. I mean seriously, if you woke up to complete darkness, with a striking pain in your chest and the rest of your body, you would probably freak out; no reason to deny that.


Now, tell me, what do three of those four paragraphs have in common?
First word, perhaps?
I'm just saying, repeditive is cool in poetry, and occasionally accepted in novels, but it's almost overwhelming here. I just found it a bit...monotonous.

Other than that, you have a fantastic writing style. Really captures your audience in!

Loved it.

NightWriter x
raised by wolves // brought up on words.
  





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Tue Dec 20, 2011 2:14 am
RileyStone says...



Your writing style is very pretty. One thing that I did notice is you sentences tend to be...lengthy. There's a lot of description and adjectives. Sometimes it just seems like too much. Semi colons are also one of those things that you want to use pretty sparingly.
Anyway, I love the last two paragraphs, they make me curious. But it also drives me crazy when people use "..." with more than three periods. Just an opinion though.
Besides that, VERY nice.
Who do I belong to?
Not earth, not world
Not evil, not
mortals
Not wretches, not horrors

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