Young Writers Society

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Your wish is my command.

Rewind.

Tides rise onto the shore, smells of seawater linger in the air, sunrays beat down upon my brow. I can hear the wind, my skin untouched. The water washes beneath my feet yet remain dry. The song rings in my ears, yet I feel only the breeze.

The bottle sings me to sleep.

Fast Forward.

My head whirls with strange faces and odd places. The beating in my head grows more painfully by the minute. I see so many colors and patterns, lights flashing before my eyes. Am I dying? The music doesn't stop. It lulls me into a strange state of sleep.

Rewind.

She tells me such wonderful things. Her beauty enraptures me, her voice excites me, her actions steal me. Such an angel to fall into my life is a miracle of its own. Her life is elegantly shaped, held tightly in my grasp. How I could wish to never leave such a miracle.

I wish to never leave this miracle.

Fast Forward.

There are glittering beads and sparkling drapes, colorful lights and sizable pillows, delicious perfumes and eradicating concoctions. I see people I can't see, hear sounds unexisting, smell scents that aren't there. I feel what I can't feel and taste what I shouldn't taste. My head spins with knowledge I shouldn't have, yet I own all the knowledge of the world. I am the world.

Rewind.

A young face smiles back at me, splashing in the shallow water. The children around him play silly, mindless games beyond my intelligence. My son is my pride, my joy, my strength. I vow to never leave this world.
But I wish life were easier.

Damn, I wish life were easier.

Fast Forward.

Many rings decorate my hands, extravagant bands wrap my wrists. Bells and jewels, bangles and piercings, ribbons and scarves. This is who I am, this is what I see. I belong in this world and no other. Those faces I see are simply faces, the names I remember are just names. The gold tooth in my mouth is as it should be. My marriage status is where it belongs.

Rewind.

I tell my wife about work. The crown I had placed, the cavities I filled, the root canal this Friday. She smiles and tells me how brave I am, how I work such deeds with great ease, that I am a magician of sorts. I tell her she is my magic, my assistant in the arts, the core of my success.

At least, I think she's my wife.

I wish she's my wife.

Fast Forward.

I am centuries old yet newly born. I am mythical yet real. I am Pangean yet British. Simple yet complicated. Strong yet weak. Furious yet serene. I am no more and no less. I am nameless with many names, absent wherever I am, a thing of the future every passing day.

Rewind.

Her voice is dismal yet joyful, distant yet close, angry yet lovely. She is sad, desires what she cannot have. My hand is in her lap, her eyes admiring yet glaring as the time ticks away on my wrist. I find myself crying for her, my heart aches to see her happiness.

I wish for her happiness.

I wish for her desires.

Fast Forward.

I am trapped. Trapped in an endless void, a timeless energy, a hopeless space. I am chained in this miracle; I am betrothed to magic. These golden bands around my wrist hold me down and will never be empty. They refuse to be empty. These luxuries I have suffocate me. I can't breathe. I am death. I am life. I am everything. But I can never be free.

I want to be free.

Rewind.

My wish is her command.

Jabberlove!

I enjoyed this tons, yet somehow, it left me wanting. For what, I'm unsure. Anyway, comments (I read the spoiler later):

I love the whole trapped in a bottle + wishing scenario. It's subtlety isn't overplayed and it's wonderful to read.

I tell my wife about work. The crown I had placed, the cavities I filled, the root canal this Friday. She smiles and tells me how brave I am, how I work such deeds with great ease, that I am a magician of sorts. I tell her she is my magic, my assistant in the arts, the core of my success.

This was the bit that felt all "kablammy" when I read. Like, you're maintaining the style and then, this is put in so that we know he is a dentist. I mean, I guess make it a bit... smoother?

I know I should tell you what it is that I find unsettling, but I can't put a finger to it. Guh.
I'll be back if I do figure it out.

Gut lucke, mein Jabbavitaar.

Hi JabberHut!
I really enjoyed reading your work. It moved smoothly (all except the places I'll point out later) and I liked how you contrasted things, it made for a nice touch. I also liked how you only hinted at things, it kept me wanting to know more. (I still do!) Oh well, that's how it goes. OK here's what I found, and don't mind me, I wasn't sure if you wanted it to sound that way or not. Here goes:

The water washes beneath my feet yet remain dry. The song rings in my ears, yet I feel only the breeze.

if you put 'they' between yet and remain, it might make it read smoother, otherwise it sounds like the water is remaining dry.

At least, I think she's my wife.

I wish she's my wife.

This sounds awkward, I'm not sure if you meant it too or not.

Ok sorry for bugging you, I really enjoyed it though!
~ZannaShepherd

Hi JabberHut,

I was very impressed at how subtly you worked the prompt into the story. At first, the images didn't make sense to me, but I understood better after I read the prompt. I like the shifts between past and present using 'fast forward' and 'rewind' The 'fast forward' parts tell us a lot about where the dentist-jinni is and the 'rewind' parts show how he got there. Overall, I thought this was very well thought out and nicely written.

Some things:

I wish she's my wife.

This should be, "I wish she was my wife."

Damn, I wish life were easier.

I don't think "damn" works with the formal and poetic voice you have going.

I am death. I am life.

This part really irked me. It seems very overdramatic, and I think the rest of the paragraph would read better if you cut that part.

You use a lot of "yets" very obviously.

A nice, thoughtful, and well written story. Keep writing.

Dream.