A Winter Midnight

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The air was brisk and refreshing; the cold, clean but smoky perfume of a Winter midnight. The trees swayed gently with the frosty breeze and the moon shed a crystaline glow from it's lofty perch in the rose-coloured twilight.
I stood alone, a still figure amid the sea of short, well-trodden grass. And although the stars were lost in the faded, wispy clouds, every detail of the park was clear and bright, edged in silver.
I inhaled deeply, relishing the intense cold as it filled my lungs and throat. My hair floated on the wind, whipping around my face, as I walked under the cover of the trees. In the shadows, I felt safe. The darkling shade swallowed me whole and steeped me in the deep mystery of the night; I felt alive like never before. Never had the grass felt so soft beneath my bare, frozen feet, never the moon so bright, cradled between the barren branches of a tree.
I felt the urge to run, and, with a last look at the darkness behind me, I sprinted across the field as if on winged feet. The sky deepened on one side to a purply-grey; the somber velvet that hid the stars in it's murky depths.
Too soon, the white boards of the hockey rink appeared before me. I slowed to a stop, a smile spreading across my face. It was so good to be alive.
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This is kind of random, but ^^
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Last edited by Wolf on Sat Nov 10, 2007 2:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
everything i loved
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Nice. It reminds me of some of the nights at your house :D
I love the night.
I have one tip

[b]You said:[/i]
I slowed to a stop, a slow smile spreading across my face. It was so good to be alive.

Its good but you said slow a little to much.
And I think you should describe the hockey rink a little better! :)

Other than that it was nice. I like how you used another way of writing instead of using she he etc. all the time you said I more. And that is fun. It puts you in the characters shoes.

Good work. Its not your absolute best but I like it

~ Gwen




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Thanks :D
Yeah you're right; I used 'slow' and 'slowed' alot. I'll just go fix that...
everything i loved
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That's what I am here for :D
I guess...




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This is really short! Make it longer and pm me. I'll then give you an indepth review.
"This kind of love is not a product of reasonings and statics--it just comes-none knows whence-and can't explain itself. And doesn't need to." Mark Twain




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DesperateRomantic is right. This is a little short. But what I read was very good. The descriptions were great. I don't have anything else to say because it's so short. PM when you post more please.

PS: The picture owns! Love it.

FlyingDream
To give dignity to a man is above all things.
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Thanks for the critiques!
I might make it a little longer by writing what else I did when I was out, so I'll PM you when I add that^^
P.s.- The picture is cool, eh? Kind of freakish, but I love it anyways! xD
everything i loved
became everything i lost.


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The imagery is great. Sorry it's been awhile since I've been critiquing, but I'm back now. I think we can all agree that the length is a little too short. Your use of description, though, magnifies that. It'd still be short, but becuase you have written this so beautifully, it only makes it seem shorter. I understand that sometimes, it is what it is; there is no more. Seems to me that what this is. So, with all of that said, it was great, just short.
A poet must take the thorns so that others may enjoy the roses that have been made red through no act of nature.




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Great imagery. I like it.
"The one thing you can't trade for your heart's desire is your heart."
Miles Vorkosigan

"You can be an author if you learn to paint pictures with words."
Brian Jacques




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Thanks everyone!
Once I do my mini math exams (a series of tests) I will be adding to the following pieces:
-City of Ashes (I'm making a part 2, because I think I might have dreamed more)
-My attempt at poetry :lol:
-Wolf Heart- read me
-And this one too!

Thanks again! :D
everything i loved
became everything i lost.


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Nice, but I agree about making it longer. Also, is it Midnight or Twilight? I see how its possible for it to be both, but it still was confusing when I read it. I think a little revision would be nice. I also, to tell you the truth, found this to be a bit purpley. (purple prose)
Try using a little less of the dramatic descriptions, and a little more of the subtler type.

Keep up the good work!




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:oops: I kind of abandoned this piece...
Canis, I see what you mean about the purpleness. Bleck. I need to change that 'lest it will plague me forever. :P
everything i loved
became everything i lost.


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