Young Writers Society

Sorry if I repeat anything that anyone else has already said...

Sensuret wasn’t sure what to make of that, this didn’t look at all like a demon.

Instead of the comma, maybe use a semi-colon instead?

“I'm a (?) dream demon.”

The thing sat down, and the old rickety chair it [s]had[/s] chose didn’t creak at all,

I really liked the way this was composed mostly of dialouge: I'm not one to like a lot of description, so this was a very enjoyable read for me.

One more suggestion: maybe talk about your main character's emotions a little more when the demon is giving him more power? As it is, Sensuret seems a little unsurprised that the Demon is doing this for him. Isn't it a big deal?

I don't have much else to say, as this was already well written in the first place. Nice work!

I really liked this Jenna. It was Fantasy like I love and it had very interesting characters. What, though I ask, is your main character's power? I kept hearing him ask if his powers came from the demon and I read a yes but I never got what his power was. Was it that he could see the demon? And also I wonder if he had seen this being before hand. Does your character usually see such beings because he seemed very unsurprised. If it would have been me I would have freaked after being told I wasn't dreaming. Matter of fact I would have freaked if I saw a demon in the first place. But then again you did describe it as absolutely beautiful with great description I might add, so I guess he was sort of in a trance, maybe it didn't really matter that it was something so different? Anyway, as far as the story it was great, I'm really looking forward to the next, if there will be a next or if there already is one let me know. Great Job on this. I would only say to involve your readers more, I would like to know everything about these characters and I only know a little about the demon and the things that he answered for your main character. Great name as well, it's very interesting and new.

Keep it up and best of wishes!

Very good. I enjoyed every bit of it.

In places it needs more describtion but overall it was fantastic.

I can't wait for more.

Saphira