HI ^-^
Otaku here! I know it has been forever since i have posted anything from HSB, so i doubt if any of you remember it much. I have been editing this for what seems like months (I am currently on edit !12!). Huge improvements have been made, add details, story plot, characters, and making it, all and all, more realistic. I personally think this draft is about 250% better than the newest one i posted on YWS. Now, lets get down to business. I know this is long, but i think that it has enough pull to keep you reading. Please comment on that. I want you to ENJOY this! so, to make things easier, here are a few ideas:
~ please post a review (not a full, but like some comments) when you finish the first chapter, then again when you finish the third.
~ I know i need details! Some ideas on what to elaborate on and where to put is would be nice. Also, what would you like to know about?
~ You may be a little confused at the way i put dialogue in paragraphs. A rule of thumb is that the character that is the subject of the paragraph is the one that is speaking. Please tell me if you get confused or do not like it!
Here are a few quotes from critiques that i have received on this series in the past:
"Wow. This probably isn't going to help a lot, but I love your story. I think that it's interesting and believable. The action and the characters drew me in, and I couldn't stop. And that's awesome. So I'm going to read the other chapters now. Once again, awesome job!"
-Writing for love is a pas
"I think the stories got potential. As I said, I didn't find any flaws in your exposition. I noticed it draws a lot of inspiration from anime....I don't play MMOs anymore, and I watch very little anime. "
-Syte
"Nice description; I understand perfectly and I've felt this way many times before. You described it in a very vivid manner. Good job."
"Also, I like the way you built up Takato and Rena's relationship--it was very subtly done, and you showed how they became close over time without being cheesy. I can't pin down exactly what I like about it, but...suffice to say it has something to do with the understated way you did it. It just felt so...natural. Natural, yet oh so sweet. And I have no idea what I'm saying right now. >_> But well done.
"
-Bickazer
And now the thingy that tells you what it is supposed to be about:
Takato is a first year in high school. Three years ago, his parents vanished, leaving him only their huge house and a bank account. The only person he has told of this is Rena, a girl Takato met shortly after their disappearance.
One day, a strange phenomenon occurs at Rena and Takato’s school, and when Takato does everything in his power to protect Rena, both of them get caught in a war that has been hidden from humans for centuries.
And now for the first part, just to get you a bit more into it, because the preview sucked, in my opinion, lol.
"I was clueless back then.
I cannot believe half the things I did.
But I would not want to redo it.
“Why?” you may ask.
Because if I did and she found out…
She would never forgive me.
And if she wasn’t able to forgive me, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself"
ENJOY!!!!!!! YOU THERE! YOU'RE NOT ENJOYING IT ENOUGH!!! DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE!!! (just kidding around with you ^-^)
***Also, i will be happy to do a review in return for each chapter of my novel you review!!!***
*** Since some of you may not have Microsoft Word, i have uploaded many other versions of this document to my homesite. As long as you agree to not take credit for my stuff, here is the link to the post: http://romanceotaku.dotgamerclan.com/fo ... t=3&p=8#p8 ***
Gender:
Points: 1715
Reviews: 63