Young Writers Society

Chapter 2 of my fantasy novel takes us to the other side of the world, into a city that's rife with fear and despair. A detective is chasing after a secretive killer that delves deeply into the supernatural, and Satanism....

What the detective Trent Miller discovers is more than just a man that kills out of insanity; he finds a darkness that is far greater than any man can face:

like last time, I will give 50 points to anyone who critiques along with the additional points they get for writing a critique. So you have that to look forward to as well as a great chapter to read should you decided to undertake reading the chapter.

I apologize if this seems long. I was just on a roll when I wrote it all.

It seemed good to me. Some of your sentence wording is alittle off, and can at time be a little confusing. I get a good sence of character, and your visualzation is on point. As far as I can tell I don't see much wrong with it. But maybe a more advanced critque could pick out some things. Sorry I couldn't help you more


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Well, I don't usually like things that involve "cold, dark, and reeking of bodily fluids, split and rotting flesh". The phrase 'his knuckles started to turn black and blue, and enlarge' is a bit awkward-maybe 'swell up' would be better than 'enlarge'? I like the blend of fantasy and reality. It sounds like it's becoming quite a dark story, so it would benefit from some humour here and there to balance the grim mood out.