Over the last semester, I spent a lot of time in Physics, Chemsitry and Philosophy writing a 'trilogy' about a young girl who is kidnapped but ends up being swept up in the intense devotion of her 'guardian' (despite the fact he won't let her go home =P).
My friends, who watched me as I worked on this, all liked it a lot. But I was just looking at it today and realized that my return to YWS has granted me a more critical eye.
It's really horrible. But I enjoyed writing it and I'd actually like to fix it up, if only because I've been wanting to write a romance since I read Twilight and realized I was a sucker for the genre. I'd like to see if YWS can't help me out on this.
Problems with Lara
1) She starts off 'bored with her life'. I think this might be very cliche, though it's something real that I'd think happens all the time.
2) She doesn't actually ever 'fall' for Micheal. She sort of warm up to him friendwise, then avoids him like the plague after the incident, then warms up to him again and only in a moment of (so it feels to me) unexpected chage of heart falls for him. Which is all wrong because then she mopes over him sending her home as if her heart is broken and does all sorts of reckless things in the name of being with him followed by complete shut down when he dumps her. Definitely wasn't built up right.
3) Her personality is inconsistant. Which is bad, since this is all first person.
4) I think she was actually 16 in plot. =P
Problems with Micheal
1) He starts of 'blank', with an intense 'souless' gaze that unnerves Lara quite a bit. In truth (never revealed properly in plot) he was neglected as a child and withdrew into himself, doing as his uncle told him and never trying to developp any sense of individuality. This, I think, bugs me because I feel like he needs a personality, especially since I never managed to reveal his little history. It also makes him awkward to work with, since he is very monoslylabic for the first half of the story, and then of course there's the incident which makes him seem like a mental case--which he kind of is. Problem much?
2) Oh, that and his orignal reason for liking Lara is that she is the first person to ever reach out to him, so she gets a nice pedestal in his heart. >_> I think that's not the greatest reason.
Problems Rob
1) The angry uncle. Always pissed off about something. Always grouchy. He has 'connections'. >_> Kind of boring, no?
Problems with Lara's friends.=_= Let's not even go there. One of her friends is 'the quiet one', one is the 'tom-boy', one is the 'goofy' one and her boyfriend (ex, after she gets back and dumps him) is the possessive kinda reminds of me Jacob Black one.
Oh, did I mention the diluded psychologist who is intent on having Micheal for herself and uses her sessions with him to manipulate his way of thinking (which is morally underdevelopped due to his uncle being so into crime and him being so disconnected) so he'll pick her?
This is a romance, thus such major character flaws cause chaos in the story.
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