How is everyone's day going?
I apologize for the length of this post in advance.
I recently resumed writing the Pokemon fanfiction I started writing two years ago. I know that's it just fanfiction, but this story means a lot to me and, in my opinion, has an interesting, dark twist on the Pokemon world.
I have a problem with my two main characters Thomas and Neo. Long story short, Thomas had a vision of his father's death when he was nine years old. Since he couldn't recognize anyone in his "dream" he did not warn his father about anything. The next morning, Thomas' mother tells him that his father, who is the Pokemon League Champion btw, was murdered that morning. Thomas realizes that his dream from the night before was a vision of his father's death, feels great remorse for it, and vows to find and defeat The Archon (the man who murdered his father). Unfortunately, Thomas' mother becomes very strict and forbids Thomas to go on a Pokemon journey until he is fourteen-years-old.
In my first two chapters, Thomas acts very cliche and uninteresting. When he recounts his father's murder, the story simply says "My heart literally skipped a beat. My father was dead, and it was all my fault. Instead of crying that day, I took an oath that one day I would find The Archon and defeat him! That was my mission."
Fast forward five years and Thomas does the following things"
1. He has another vision but fails to act on it until Professor Oak calls him and tells him that his cousin is injured. Shouldn't Thomas know better than to wait for something bad to happen after his visions *again*?!
2. When Thomas receives a special Pokemon from Professor Oak, you get the typical "Oh my gosh. Was I really getting a special Pokemon?! I couldn't believe it!"
3. Thomas is "calm and collected"... He's supposed to be a character that usually keeps his cool and can keep everyone calm even in a dire situation. (He kind of has to be to look after his family). Doesn't this make him a Mary Sue, though? How can Thomas be serious about defeating the Archon and protecting his family and friends, while at the same time living a joyful life with Pokemon?
Now, I've done a bit of exploration already to help fix this. I've figured out some things that might help Thomas' character:
1. Instead of Thomas falling into an endless depression after his father's death, he realizes that crying about it all the time won't fix anything. Though Thomas still wants to exact revenge on the Archon, he does his best to enjoy life, enjoy Pokemon training, and take care of his family.
2. Since Thomas' visions tend to happen at night (at least his first one did), he may try to refrain from sleeping in fear of another vision. This could lead to other problems, as well.
3. I'm not sure how Thomas' trust is affected by his father's murder. On one hand, the danger of the Kanto region (the one region in which this story takes place) and the fact that the Archon is still alive could cause him to avoid associating with strangers. However, Thomas is also smart enough to know that he cannot defeat the Archon on his own. This could lead to him befriending new people along the way.
As for Neo, another main character who travels with Thomas:
1. Neo is the son of the Archon. The Archon sends Neo to steal a special Pokemon from Professor Oak. Neo discovers that a boy named Adam (Thomas' cousin) has the special Pokemon and pushes Adam down the stairs of Professor Oak's laboratory, which results in serious injury. Despite this, Neo is still unable to retrieve the special Pokemon. In fear of returning to the Archon empty handed, Neo hides near the laboratory in wait of someone else to be given the special Pokemon. When he discovers that Thomas has the special Pokemon, he persuades Thomas to let him join him on his journey. Neo plans to steal the special Pokemon when it evolves. However, throughout the journey, Neo grows close to Thomas, regrets injuring Adam, and questions whether he should go through with his mission after all or not.
2. The Archon murdered Neo's mother (yes, the Archon murders his own wife) when Neo was ten years old. Unlike Thomas, Neo takes an overall negative approach to dealing with this. Neo's mother was the only person to ever show him compassion, and now that she's deceased, Neo refrains from socializing with people outside of his job on Team Alpha (of which the Archon is the leader).
My last problem is that all of my main characters seem rather dark. Thomas is trying to avenge his father's death, even though he does his best to keep a positive outlook. Neo has social issues and is generally cold towards others. Janine, a girl they meet early in the story, is very disciplined in the training of her Pokemon and her own body and mind. Her main goal is to become stronger than her father, Koga, who is a gym leader. Janine is very serious about her training and very protective of her father, but perhaps outside of training she enjoys socializing with people?
If you read my entire post, I thank you. Every time I try to just continue on with my story (which shifts viewpoints from Thomas to Neo and vise versa in between chapters) the crappiness of my characters keeps from writing. I can't stand my characters being terrible in the first two chapters! Even if I develop them more outside of the story, they will still suck in the first two chapters. Any advice on this will be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
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