Young Writers Society

I wore one linen shirt, which was tucked inside red breeches I sewed from a fox. There was a piece of twine threaded inside the fox's tail, and it served as further protection around my neck. Wolf pelts were carved into two gray vests and the fourth layer was another vest sewn from wool. But the heavy wool vest was ancient and it occasionally slipped from my shoulder blades, allowing gusts of wind to penetrate directly through the wolf pelts.

Secured around my neck was a thick and colourful tunic I sewed from an abundance of animal hides when I was nineteen. On the left side of my shoulder; the coyote's head rested and its eyes stared blankly straight ahead. The opposite shoulder displayed three red feathers embedded into the fibers of the fur. From my neck to my waist, skins of foxes, deer, badgers, hares and squirrels intermixed and produced a magnificent pallet of browns, reds and black shades of fur. Near my bum, three tails were also sewn in the center of the tunic; a skunk's tail was left, a coyotes' and to the right, an otter's tail. The fur tunic itself represented the exceptional skill I possessed in the art of hunting and skinning hides.

Firstly, let me say that I have a terrible bias against writers who describe things all in one hit like that. It irritates me greatly. No offense, I'm just...weird that way, hehe. So I have to say that in that sense, well, if I came across this in a book I'd skip over it. Sorry.

If I were you I'd go with a short, precise description to start with, and maybe add details later, at a more pertinent moment. But hey- it's up to you.

Near my bum, three tails were also sewn in the center of the tunic; a skunk's tail was left, a coyotes' and to the right, an otter's tail.

I can just see the guy turning around as he's walking away and you getting a great view of these three tails on his bum, swinging from side to side as he walks away. And that makes it a bit humorous as well (which is a great attention grabber, I might add) and makes the reader more involved in it.

Some of my fellow Bostonians laughed teasingly or pointed and commented that my attire of clothing in the winter months resembled a poorly designed concoction of furs.

I wore one linen shirt, which was tucked inside red breeches I sewed from a fox.
I don't know if this happened to anyone else, but I read this thinking "Ok, linen shirt ... tucked into breeches and ... what? Sewed from a fox? What? A live fox? With the guts? No ... it's fur. Is it?" It really confused me. I only really got that it most deffinatly meant fur when I read a bit more.

You're saying what you did to it a lot. Like "I sewed" and so on. I don't know ... that gets to me. Like you're not describing what they guy's wearing but some great masterpiece he's created. Which, I suppose, it is. So it would depend on what you're going for, clothes description or object description.

definitely sounds like an interesting character at the moment.

gotta say though; huge paragraphs of description don't really do it for me, especially when it's a person. if it was a place, like a giant city or whatever then you could probably get away with it more, but i like adding character description in a little at a time. you could try ways of making it more interesting like saying how people thought of your dress, rather than just describing it. something like that anyway...

You're saying what you did to it a lot. Like "I sewed" and so on. I don't know ... that gets to me. Like you're not describing what they guy's wearing but some great masterpiece he's created. Which, I suppose, it is. So it would depend on what you're going for, clothes description or object description.

I'm a little confused, which could also be from fatigue. Can you explain a little more how the 'sewed' part irritates you? That is, if you feel like going into more detail. I was going for clothing description but I guess I didn't achieve that? Thank you for you input, Éloeré.

blob wrote:Firstly dont use words like linen or breeched,cs not many know what they mean, this is way too complicated , this would throw me strait of a story,