Young Writers Society

I wrote this about one of my best friends. Her and I are complete opposites, yet we're still incredibly close. I sort of scrawled the poem out in ten mins, so harsh critiques are welcome haha

She is
Blond hair, blue eyes
glossed lips, glistening smile.
Straight teeth, pearly white
67 inches, the perfect female height.

I am
Blond hair, blue eyes
Pale lips, fake smile
Lying through my teeth, always right
64 inches, ready to fight

Giggling,
Hair-twirling,
Smiling,
She asks,
“Why do you dress like a boy?”

Chuckling,
Arm-crossing,
Smirking,
I ask,
“Why do you dress like a girl?”

Your nails, she says
Paint them pink!
Who cares? I say
Not me, not about what you think.

One foot in front of the other
I tip toe across the ledge
Squealing like a pig,
She hides behind a hedge

“You’ll die!” She calls out
“I’ll be fine.” I reply
“Come back.” She screeches
“Not this time.” I whisper
And just as my foot reaches
Out past the point of no return
She’s there,
With her perfect blond hair,
Holding me back,
Or should I say…
Saving my ass.

Hey there . C00l!! i totally love the wording. I am not perfect in grammar so i am not going to talk about it
In my opinion, the message you're trying to send is crystal clear and i can't stop myself from smiling when reading your description about yourself. But i thought you could change a bit of your punctuation so the flow of the poem is more beautiful. The best part is that this situation also happened to me.

First off, it was a lovely poem to read,
just a few things to concider

She is
Blond hair, blue eyesg
lossed lips, glistening smile.
Straight teeth, pearly white
67 inches, the perfect female height.

I would consider changing she is to she has
because then you don't have to worry about not making sense to readers.
other than that I loved the ending of the poem the most and hope to see more from you.

I think this was quite the cute poem! And honestly, this totally describes me and my best friend XD Although to go with the post above me you could either take her suggestion and use "she has" or if you'd like you can keep she is and say "blond haired and blue eyed" if that makes sense. But I really enjoyed the dialogue parts. They made sense as short dialogue but it also fit the poem style.

I enjoyed reading this poem, and I must say that you did a pretty good job. I like the whole purpose behind it. I have also befriended people who were polar opposites compared to me.

I have a few words of advice, but I'm not going to rip this poem to shreds. The flow is wobbly at a couple of parts. I suggest just reading it out loud to yourself and editing any places that you feel iffy about. The rhymes are actually quite nice. Rhyming is always an interesting addition to any poem, but some people can't pull them off. They focus too hard on the rhymes and structure of the poem, rather than the actual purpose. I didn't see that here, so kudos to you.

My one last concern is here:

SwallowedByInsanity wrote:

"Your nails", she says
"Paint them pink!"
"Who cares?" I say. I noticed that all the dialogue in the piece has quotation marks. You might as well keep the pattern going, rather than stopping at this part. It was a little distracting.
Not me, not about what you think.

One foot in front of the other
I tip toe across the ledge
Squealing like a pig,
She hides behind a hedge. This was the only rhyme that I found a tad bit... forced. It just doesn't go.

Overall, cute, funny, and interesting. Hopefully you continue writing!