Young Writers Society

Like branches of an oak.
Skies of scarlet, turquoise, and a golden yellow.
A sun of a mighty red and orange,
entangled in the Twisting Love tree,
captured divinely upon a canvas.

Beauty wrapped in fierce darkness.
A masterpiece preserved in the inner core of a monster.
Clawed fingers gripping onto you,
pulling you it’s mysterious realm,
where flaws are perfection in the making,
a place that explains how finding the light through the darkness is magically spectacular.

A gorgeous creation brought to this transcendental universe by Megan Aroon Duncanson.

Hello I'm Rain, I like your descriptions very good, but I think you should put the picture in a spoiler, so the reader can read your poem and then look at the photo and see how close the picture in their head is to the picture you describe.

entangled in the Twisting Love tree, I dont understand this? Is that the name of the painting?
captured divinely upon a canvas.

Clawed fingers gripping onto you,
pulling you into it’s mysterious realm,<< Is "into" suppost to be here?

pulling you into it’s mysterious realm, << Is "Into" suppost to be here?
where flaws are perfection in the making,

a place that explains how finding the light through the darkness is magically spectacular.

A gorgeous creation brought to this transcendental universe by Megan Aroon Duncanson.

^^Both of these lines are very long, they mess up the flow, you should try to find a way to brake then down, as they are they jut couse for an awkward ending.


Overall, I liked this, very good descriptions, very good imagery, just needs a little dusting off

Keep writing,

~Rain

I liked the descriptions, but I agree with Rain -- the last lines break up the flow and the picture should be in a spoiler. The poem seemed a bit prosaic to me, but that could just be my own mind -- it's up for repairs and maintenance when exams end I wonder what would happen if you played around with some more alliteration and assonance, or any other sound devices of your choice? You might try lengthy vowels, especially more in the later part of the poem. There is an it's that should be an its, I believe. Try playing with other devices too.

Loved the poem, but it may need some editing.

I really enjoyed this, the description were spot on and created a vivid image in my head. As for mistakes, watch your grammar and edit carefully. Don't just throw words into the poem because you need to fill space, other than that, I thought it was beautiful. Keep up the good work!