Repunzal's Story

Hey! Uh, I don't know if this is a Narrative Poem, so I just put it here because it sounded like what this poem is about. I just finished this poem, so tell me what you like about it pretty please!!!
_______________________

Life in the tower
Isn’t as good as it seems.
No royal prince will come
Oh that joy that that would bring!

My name is Repunzal
And my parents locked me away.
Boy, do I need a haircut
My hair is starting to fray.

My godmother said I was too dangerous
My parents agreed to the tower.
And now I wait, sitting alone
Hour by hour.

Sometimes I dream
Of a prince and his steed.
They come to rescue me
And I would be freed.

And then I wake up
And see I'm alone.
Oh prince! I need you!
You can call me on my cell phone!

And I woke up
And to my surprise, the prince was there!
Oh what joy I felt that day,
he asked me to thrown down my hair.

I gasped; how could he know?
Was he a stalker, by knowing about my hair?
I shouted to him, “Go away and never return!”
And he said, “But you are a princess, lowly and fair!”

I laughed and said, “Oh you stupid knight!
Always telling us how we look!
I am not as blonde as you think!
I can cook!”

The prince seemed confused
By my sudden anger with him.
Shouldn’t I be grateful?
He thought, “Man, she could use a trim!”

I huffed and looked away,
“Repunzal! Throw down your hair!”
I laughed and spit on the ground,
And saw the prince saying a prayer.

And then he left,
Much to my surprise.
Yeah, that is how a real princess
Takes care of the guys!

Haha. This is a cute poem. Cute being the operative word here. I would try on making the rhymes seem less forced, and smooth out the lines so it flows easily. The last line of the first stanza does not make very much sense. I love the ending!

-Evang.

Thats cute. I really liked the poem.
Reminds me of how I used to be. lol

Haha, funny and original.

I laughed and said, “Oh you stupid knight!
Always telling us how we look!
I am not as blonde as you think!
I can cook!”

I laughed inwardly, very funny!
And I like how this Repunzal has such pizzazz!

Evangelina wrote: I would try on making the rhymes seem less forced, and smooth out the lines so it flows easily.

I have to say I agree with Evangelina.
-icy

Okay, I know this is probably an insane thing to point out, but you misspelled "Rapunzel". Needs an A.
Those tricky little names have it in for everyone.

And as long as I'm here:

Agreeing with the above, several of the lines were a smidget forced - I'd rethink your rhyme scheme. Do you even have to have it rhyme? I think it could work either way.

But it was funny... I liked the end. It made me smile. (See?)

Peace, love, chocolate,
Muffin

I really like this its an interesting take on the fairy tale
its Original and different
but like Evangelina said about the rhymes and the first stanza
keep writing!

About the first stanza: I couldn't find another word to rhyme with seems. So I just put brings in there and made other words that flowed into it. Sorry about that! I can't rhyme worth a pile of beans!


BBB

...then don't. Poetry isn't all about rhyming.

The main problem you have here is that your rhyme scheme is dictating what it is you're saying - it's 'forced', in other words.

This shouldn't be the case. I find a good way to avoid it is to first decide what it is I want to say in a line, and then work on making it rhyme.

And remember, nothing you've written is sacred, so don't be afraid to alter a previous line to help the rhyme of the one you're currently writing.

If you're new to poetry, then it may be best to not use a rhyme scheme at all for the moment (this is know as 'blank verse'). Not rhyming makes writing poetry a lot easier, as you're not as confined with what you're writing. Try writing your poems in blank verse to practice the other aspects of poetry - imagery, voice, tone, etc.

i dont know much about poetry to critique. but this made me laugh. i thought it was very well done. i enjoyed reading it.

bear is there nothing you cant write. you are so versatile.

kim

I would just say that nice job....

It was a good piece to read.

Keep writing and posting!!;)

Ha, this was good. Cute and rather lyrical.

Nothing to complain about this time it seems; how happy would that make eveyrone if the critique said that all the time.

Nice.

Cute piece, but I agree with what all them lot up there *points* said about the forced rhyming.
I hate having to write a rhyming poem, and when we have to in school, I just don't bother! Now there's a rebel for you!

*VamPirate

I liked this poem, it does make one laugh. A note about the forced rhyming...My rhyming usually becomes forced as well...I'm starting to understand that my poem is saved...so if I do alter it, and find out it makes the poem worse off, I can just revert to the original saved document. Unlike a painting, if you add something, and don't like it, it is harder to change that mistake.

-bobiscool134

Cute! I like it!
I would suggest going over it again and trying not to use the same words over again in the same paragraph.
Other than that its funny!

~ Gwen