Young Writers Society

Quatrain: ”Betrayal of Caesar.”

The ides of March as they call it,

The Mighty Caesar was betrayed by his honorable friend

Brutus, Caesar’s Guardian spirit,

Made Caesar meet his end.


(Note: Based on the drama ‘Julius Caesar’.)

I think Quatrains are the few occasions where a poem should rhyme. I didn't think this poem had a flow to it and was more of an overview than a poetic verse.

I agree with Phorcys, and I didn't even really hear any rhythm.

Yes, but i still thought it was quite powerful.

I belive there is rhyme in the flow. You can't see it. You must read it and listen t it. Only then will you be able to know.

Phorcys wrote:I think Quatrains are the few occasions where a poem should rhyme. I didn't think this poem had a flow to it and was more of an overview than a poetic verse.

hehehe...Thanks ya for the critic.I thought that it is rhyming spirit and friend with end.

misspriss wrote:I agree with Phorcys, and I didn't even really hear any rhythm

Thanks for reading it.

And thanks Nexus(glad u find it powerful) and T.

It seemed a little forced rhyming...

I don't know what I'm talking about lol

... it and spirit are half-rhymes really. I just arnt sure, it just seemed a little cumbersome.

I say that I'd have to agree with Phorcys. work a little on this and it could be really good. Make it longer. If it doesn't work mas a quatrain, don't write it that way. ^_^ Good luck.

To be honest? I got nothing from this. I *know* about the Ides of March, I know it was Brutus, I know Caesar died. Whatever. Why should I care?

No, seriously. All this looks like to me is the summary of a history/literature class, and one which has been done many times before.

If I were you, I'd rethink your approach here and use some more emotion and imagery. As it stands, aside from the rhyming it's not really poetic. Be creative!

I dont mean to sound grumpy, and it's not like I'm an expert on quatrains, but I just found this kind of boring. Sorry.

Thanks guys!

Prosithion:Thanks for your suggestion.

bubblewrapped:I do understand what is wrong with it.Thanks for the advice.

~Ani~