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Young Writers Society


"Betrayal of Caesar.”



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Sat Dec 30, 2006 7:48 am
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Shine says...



Quatrain: ”Betrayal of Caesar.”

The ides of March as they call it,

The Mighty Caesar was betrayed by his honorable friend

Brutus, Caesar’s Guardian spirit,

Made Caesar meet his end.


(Note: Based on the drama ‘Julius Caesar’.)
"A good plot is like a dream.If you dont write down your dream on paper the moment you wake up,the chances are you'll forget it and it'll be gone forever"-Roald Dalh.
  





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Sat Dec 30, 2006 11:27 am
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Swires says...



I think Quatrains are the few occasions where a poem should rhyme. I didn't think this poem had a flow to it and was more of an overview than a poetic verse.
Previously known as "Phorcys"
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Sat Dec 30, 2006 3:00 pm
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misspriss says...



I agree with Phorcys, and I didn't even really hear any rhythm.
  





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Sat Dec 30, 2006 4:34 pm
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Nexus says...



Yes, but i still thought it was quite powerful.
  





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Sat Dec 30, 2006 7:33 pm
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piepiemann22 says...



I belive there is rhyme in the flow. You can't see it. You must read it and listen t it. Only then will you be able to know.
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Tue Jan 02, 2007 7:05 am
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Shine says...



Phorcys wrote:I think Quatrains are the few occasions where a poem should rhyme. I didn't think this poem had a flow to it and was more of an overview than a poetic verse.


hehehe...Thanks ya for the critic.I thought that it is rhyming spirit and friend with end.

misspriss wrote:I agree with Phorcys, and I didn't even really hear any rhythm


Thanks for reading it. :)

And thanks Nexus(glad u find it powerful) and T. :)
"A good plot is like a dream.If you dont write down your dream on paper the moment you wake up,the chances are you'll forget it and it'll be gone forever"-Roald Dalh.
  





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Tue Jan 02, 2007 11:02 am
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Swires says...



It seemed a little forced rhyming...

I don't know what I'm talking about lol

... it and spirit are half-rhymes really. I just arnt sure, it just seemed a little cumbersome.
Previously known as "Phorcys"
Witherwings Harry Potter RPG
  





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Fri Jan 05, 2007 12:41 am
Prosithion says...



I say that I'd have to agree with Phorcys. work a little on this and it could be really good. Make it longer. If it doesn't work mas a quatrain, don't write it that way. ^_^ Good luck.
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Sun Jan 07, 2007 2:24 am
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bubblewrapped says...



To be honest? I got nothing from this. I *know* about the Ides of March, I know it was Brutus, I know Caesar died. Whatever. Why should I care?

No, seriously. All this looks like to me is the summary of a history/literature class, and one which has been done many times before.

If I were you, I'd rethink your approach here and use some more emotion and imagery. As it stands, aside from the rhyming it's not really poetic. Be creative!

I dont mean to sound grumpy, and it's not like I'm an expert on quatrains, but I just found this kind of boring. Sorry.
Got a poem or short story you want me to critique?

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Mon Jan 29, 2007 4:56 pm
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Shine says...



Thanks guys!

Prosithion:Thanks for your suggestion.

bubblewrapped:I do understand what is wrong with it.Thanks for the advice.:)

~Ani~
"A good plot is like a dream.If you dont write down your dream on paper the moment you wake up,the chances are you'll forget it and it'll be gone forever"-Roald Dalh.
  








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