Young Writers Society

I wish I had
a tattoo covering my heart
saying,
he—
he was here.

Hello there, Emma!

Welcome to YWS! I hope you're enjoying your stay as much as we do.

First of all, this is pretty short but I get the message behind it. If this is a very personal piece, then I suggest pouring out all emotions and turning them into imageries might be a good thing. I find this one-dimensional because as a reader, I couldn't relate this every well. I don't know who Sam is so I think it might be better if you have mentioned his relationship with the speaker of the poem. And I don't know if you wrote this piece just for your personal intentions or you want your readers to feel your situation you're in right now.

I don't really much things to say except that you lengthen this piece a bit more. I know by doing so, this can turn into something good and interesting. Hope this helps.

Keep writing,
Yuri

Thank you for the review! I will work on it and keep your advice in mind

EDIT: Here, I've had another go and added to it:

I wish I had
a tattoo covering my heart
saying,
he—
he was here.

I wish I had shadows
of where his fingers touched my skin
deep and dark, like bruises
to mark the places where he’s been

What do you think, guys? Is it any better?

The second one - the edited one has alot more depth and feeling to it. I love it. Keep writing.

Thanks! I've finally completed the poem now, after much effort, and renamed it 'Him':

I wish I had
a tattoo covering my heart
saying,
he—
he was here.

I wish I had shadows,
where his fingers touched my skin
Deep and dark, like bruises,
to mark the places where he’s been

I wish I had a tattoo covering my heart
saying,
the most beautiful boy in the world was here.

He was here.

I wish I had shadows,
where his fingers touched my skin
Deep and dark like bruises,
to mark the places where he’s been.

Awww that made me sad reading the full version...but that's great!! Its amazingly well done you can actually edit the page so you could type the rest in at the top if you wanted too, just a suggestion, otherwise this was amazing and hope to see more from you emma!!!! Good Luck and Happy Writing!!!!!!!
Soulkana<3