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Young Writers Society


The Thoughts Inside My Heart



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84 Reviews



Gender: Other
Points: 1707
Reviews: 84
Mon Dec 13, 2010 3:50 am
HostofHorus says...



The Thoughts Inside My Heart

Not long ago I shared with you,
The voices that I said I knew,
But for myself, for my conscience sake,
I must admit, it was a fake.

The voices were to some degree,
Something that's inside of me,
A Wish, a hope, of countless dreams,
The way that they to me, did seem.

That girl I know of very little,
Our relationship, it is quite brittle,
Yet I say I love her, and there's no one more,
It is to her in secret, that my life I've swore.

You see, my head says one thing, my heart another,
But to one they agree, there is no other,
My heart says happiness is found you,
My mind, it says the journey's through.

However an end to me is but a beginning,
A new dream, I count on winning,
So I walk forward to the beat of the drum,
A game of hearts, it's now become.

Still the hopeless game for love is lost,
The bridge to solitude, has now been crossed,
But know your here, inside of me,
A special place, there will always be.
HostofHorus Author, Poet, Dreamer, and Expressionist.
http://JRSStories.com
Stories Poems © As of January 1st 2014

Need a review? Feel free to ask me! :)
  





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165 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 4908
Reviews: 165
Mon Dec 13, 2010 4:39 am
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Miyakko says...



Hi J.R.S,

Wow! This didn't just touch my heart, but struck it with empowering emotion! Beautiful. Something else I'll compliment you on is the title, "The Thought Inside My Heart". The brilliant title is what drew me to this poem in the first place. It was written so beautifully and gently, and I could feel it coming, pouring from deep within your soul. That is what really makes poems like these worth reading. Poems that are soul-deep and leave you in absolute awe. The timing and layout of this poem were also very good!

This deserves more than a round of applause! Best wishes for future writing!

RedLeaf
  





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61 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 3371
Reviews: 61
Mon Dec 13, 2010 5:40 am
cupcake says...



WOW!I love this poem! Keep writing
God gives us our relatives - thank God we can choose our friends.
- Ethel Watts Mumford

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
- Walter Winchell

“I’ll Surprise you, I promise”
-Adam Lambert
  





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Gender: None specified
Points: 1053
Reviews: 1
Mon Dec 13, 2010 5:53 am
gomer4ik says...



Hi -

Well, one can say, that we who write have good imagination and things that we write about never happend in real life.
But i say, that all that we write is just what happend in real life, but we can make is sound unreal.
So what you wrote is great and true, and that's what i mostly enjoy in such works.

Good luck!

GG
  





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355 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2099
Reviews: 355
Tue Dec 14, 2010 1:31 pm
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LadySpark says...



hi, Pointe here as requested.
First of all thank you for saying my work is impressive, if you ever have the time please review some!


Not long ago I shared with you,
The voices that I said I knew,
But for myself, for my conscience sake,
I must admit, it was a fake.


The voices were to some degree,
Something that's inside of me,
A Wish, a hope, of countless dreams,
The way that they to me, did seem.

this is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That girl I know of very little,
Our relationship, it is quite brittle,
Yet I say I love her, and there's no one more,
It is to her in secret, that my life I've swore.

is this from a girls point of view? or a boys? Because at the beginning it sounds like a girl to me

You see, my head says one thing, my heart another,
But to one they agree, there is no other,
My heart says happiness is found you,
My mind, it says the journey's through.


However an end to me is but a beginning,
A new dream, I count on winning,
So I walk forward to the beat of the drum,
A game of hearts, it's now become.

Still the hopeless game for love is lost,
The bridge to solitude, has now been crossed,
But know your here, inside of me,
A special place, there will always be.
I have no complaints about this poem, its well written and is constructed in a sublime way.
~pointe
hush, my sweet
these tornadoes are for you


-Richard Siken


Formerly SparkToFlame
  





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140 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1354
Reviews: 140
Sat Dec 25, 2010 10:07 pm
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SilentRain says...



Hello Hello, sorry it took me so long to get to this, I have not been able to get on the computer.

So, I looked at this a little while after you posted it, I didn't reveiw because I didn't find much wrong and because I really liked it. This is a good poem, and it does remind me of the other one. At first I thought to just did a major rewrite... Well... I think this poem is really good, anything I was going to suggest to fix has already been pointed out. Sorry I couldn't have been of more help...

~Rain~
topic68479.html <---- Click here to have your poems reviewed!

Theres always a rainbow after the Rain!!!!!!!
  








Surround yourself with people who are serious about being writers, and who will tell you, ‘Hey—you can do better than this.’ Who will be critical of your work, but also supportive. And who will not be competitive in a negative way.
— Isabel Quintero