I finally managed the courage to post my novel on YWS. It's pretty long, but I really just want people to voice their opinion about it. Everything is welcomed (grammar/spelling, feedback)! It's all much appreciated. I badly want to get this published so I really need poeple who will rip this apart.
~Apple.
Join this as a page and I will love you forever and ever ( x billions and billions)! Trust me, I swear, pinky promises! If you do not, I will beat you down!
I won't beat you down, maybe slap you down?~~~
Once upon a time, when darkness plagued the lands of Salem and demons roamed the streets with evil hearts.
Chapter One:
The Warning
The Warning
“We are gathered here today to commemorate the loss of Jansen and Carmen Maher. Their long and brave lives were taken in the most unjust of ways within a matter of minutes.” Sister Gretchen began, her voice filled with sad mockery. Light filtered through the glass windows within the church, an image of Jesus stretched across the ground. I moved in my seat uncomfortably, pulling my light blue dress over my knees as it began to rise.
I could hear the faint sound of Jaidon’s game boy ticking beside me. Murder. How someone could drive a knife into another person’s chest belittled me. I shuddered as a horrifying image of Mr. and Mrs. Maher’s dead bodies sauntered into my mind. Most people didn’t believe they were dead, killed I should say. They just vanished. No one saw the old couple’s bodies. It was only when the church bell started to chime did the sickening feeling of death hit the whole of Gallagher. I looked down to see Jaidon’s tongue poking out the side of his mouth. He hammered his fingers skilfully across the buttons, the little character on the screen jumping over petite mushroom figures.
Jaidon was one of those people who didn’t believe Mr. and Mrs. Maher’s were dead; even though their coffins were circled by sobbing Nunn’s, moaning prayers. It was a rather frightening sight, though I kept my mouth closed. Shifting yet again in my seat, I ignored the stares from the people behind me who I seemed to be annoying.
“It’s sad that after seventy-three years, the old couple have lost their lives to the sinners of today. May God protect their souls as they journey up to heaven to see the splendours that our lord has provided in the hereafter.” The other sisters behind her nodded, their faces a teary mess.
Mum sniffed, dragging a handkerchief under her glassy green eyes. “Let’s bend our heads together in a little prayer.” Sister Gretchen’s voice was stiff, not soft as it should have been. Placing my hands together casually, I nudged Jaidon to do the same. Looking up at me dazed, his blonde fringe fell over his small face. He looked so young. Instead of appearing sixteen like me, he looked twelve. I motioned with my head at my hands and it suddenly dawned on him.
“God, Holy Father…Please forgive us for our sins. We’re dutifully bound to your words…” My eyes began to flutter closed. Sister Gretchen’s voice was so droning! She always stayed on the same octave, refusing to change her tone. Letting my head sink towards my knees, I felt a hand jostle my shoulder, forcing my eyes to widen.
Jaidon jumped from his chair and screamed loudly “I did it! I clocked the level! In your face!” He pointed at me with his Gameboy and instantly froze. Looking around him, his eyes fell on his Father. Sister Gretchen gazed up from her closed hands. Spite dwindled within her eyes before she banished them with a blink of her wiry lashes.
Shrinking back down into his chair, he coughed lightly into the palm of his hand. His mother stretched a frail arm from behind her wheel chair, claiming the Gameboy in her long fingers. A smile began to pluck at the side of my mouth. Biting into the insides of my cheeks, giggles began to escape my lips.
“Amen,” The other Sisters filled in the silence, looking fearfully up at Sister Gretchen. I didn’t blame them. The woman looked like a scarecrow with legs. Stepping away from the podium, she grasped onto the long cross around her neck. Sister Jezebel quickly fled to the podium, smiling nervously.
“Sybil, if you’d like to present the flowers now?” The fat under her neck shook as she searched the crowd frantically for my sister. Sybil stood up beside Mum, holding the flowers above her head. She was the spitting image of my mother. Curly blonde hair and glittering green eyes; I on the other hand was the exact opposite. Having lanky brown hair that flicked in every direction was definitely not what girls across the world wished for.
“The old bag looks like she is going to explode!” Jaidon whispered as he sunk lower and lower into his seat to avoid the piercing gaze of Sister Gretchen. I looked up to see her face turning stark red. Her knuckles were white under the thick, wooden cross.
“Your fault,” I whispered back, a large grin covering my face.
“Hey, I just defeated the largest mushroom in Mario! Jumping up and disturbing her prayer is not even a big deal. She hates praying anyway!”
Sybil stopped at the stairs above Mr. and Mrs. Maher’s coffins. They were closed from people seeing inside. In fact, Sister Gretchen hadn’t even opened it since the beginning of church! Aren’t you supposed to do that? Bowing her head, Sybil muttered something before placing the bouquet of flowers upon the coffin. I cast a glance at Mum’s watch, clicking my tongue impatiently. So I may have been acting a little rude, but what else could I do. We had been sitting in church for the past half an hour and we still hadn’t gotten anywhere!
Sister Jezebel nodded at Sybil, casting an approving smile. My sister erupted in to a large coughing fit – her sick little charade – and put her hands together, muttering a prayer. Jaidon groaned loudly, placing one of his legs up on the chair in front of him. Sliding her hand against the coffin, Sybil began to sway. I rolled my eyes; she was faking dizzy, again. You already tried this one, Sybil!
“What is she waiting for, Christmas?” Jaidon said loudly, waving his hand impatiently in the air.
Before Sybil could step away, her eyes rolled back into her head. Her foot caught on the blood red carpet, and a small cry vanished from her mouth. People gasped and began to lift themselves from their seats. I frowned, pushing myself to my feet. I knew Sybil was faking to be sick, but pretending to faint was just over the top. The Sister’s – except Sister Gretchen – rushed towards her, catching my sister before she hit the ground. Mine, and practically everyone else’s in the room, hands flew to our mouths. Grabbing at one of the singing pamphlets, Sister Jezebel fanned at Sybil’s face.
“Sister Anna? Where is Sister Anna?” Sister Anna - another creepy woman who should be in the middle of a corn paddock instead of teaching at the Catholic College – pushed her way through the gasping nuns. No emotion ticking in her plain eyes.
“My baby!” Mum began to rush through the crowd trying to get to my sister; fear fleeing through her eyes.
Sybil suddenly shuddered. Her eyes fluttered back and she stood slowly, the Nuns moving away from her. Her eye colour changed to a deep red. Screaming in agony, she placed her hands to her head, a mask of pain covering her usually serene face.
“Pain, suffering!” Her voice had changed into a deeper octave. “Everyone is in terrible danger! The past will recoil, plagues of darkness!” She dug her nails into the skirt of her dress, her lips quivering.
“Sybil, stop this nonsense.” Mum grabbed at Sybil’s small frame, trying to pull her from the podium.
“Everyone will fall prey! No survivors!” Sybil began to writher in Mum’s arms. Her mouth opening and closing like a fish pulled out of water. I felt my heart clench, shock rendering across my face.
Jaidon stood up beside me. “What the hell is happening to her?”
“Old enemies…new heroes! Blue Jay! Blue J-j-jay!” Sybil tried to push herself out of Mum’s grasp. Her eyes began to flutter, and the words in her mouth died. Her pupils dilated and she fell, slipping back into Mum’s chest. Silence reeked through the church, people to traumatized to say anything else. The only sound that could be heard was Mum’s frequent footfalls as she tried to escape through mobs of people. She motioned for me to follow after her with a flick of her head. Before I could even step forward, Jaidon shoved me in the back pushing me until I was out of the rows of suffocating chairs.
“C’mon!” he called over his shoulder, bursting through the church doors. Light framed his body as he escaped into the streets. As the doors swung back shut, darkness cloaked the church. Fear mingled with my heart. Gasping, I hurried after him trying to avoid other people’s gazes. What had just happened? Bursting into the light, I felt the sun’s rays wash over me. Mum sat on the bleached white stairs, cradling Sybil on her knees and slapping her face slightly to bring her back.
“Mum!” I called hopping down the stairs. “Is Sybil OK?”
Jaidon pulled himself onto the railing, kicking his legs underneath him as if he were a little child. Sister Gretchen emerged from the room, pulling her veil down over her eyes. I felt my heart clench and my hand unintentionally went into my mouth. It was a bad habit, but I always did it. Bitting into the nail on my thumb, my eyes followed Sister Gretchen.
Placing her hands onto Sybil’s forehead, a shadow cast over her withered face. “She will be alright, Vivienne. God gave her a sign! You should be very proud.” Mum looked up at her as if she had grown a second head. “I’ve seen it only once before. A man is given the words of God, in which he tells his fellow beings of crisis.” Sister Gretchen’s voice slithered with fake emotion, her eyes telling the truth.
“Or, it could be the incense fumes you keep around the church?” Jaidon began before quickly looking away as Sister Gretchen turned her attention towards him. He scratched the back on his neck looking everywhere but on the Nunn.
“T-thank you, Sister!” Mum said pushing a stray blonde hair out of my sister’s face. An awkward silence pushed through the area, dwindling with the breeze. The golden and red leaved trees swayed along the sides of the road. Gallagher was one of the Olde English towns that were smack banged into the middle of Massachusetts. It was a weird sight, though many came to see it. Sister Gretchen nodded, blinking slowly. She reminded me of an animal, though I could never put my finger on which one it was. Tortoise? No, though she did have a wrinkled, greyish skin. Turning, the Sister walked back into the church letting the long, brown doors close behind her.
Jaidon sighed, brushing sweat from his forehead. “Good, we’re still alive. I swear she was going to throw us into a pot of boiling water and start cutting up some herbs and spices. ‘Don’t worry dearies, this is only to make you smell nicer!’” he began to hyperventilate, placing a thin hand to his chest.
I sat down on the stairs, watching some of the cars that were parked along the street. I smiled thinly, not able to muster up the courage to really laugh. The church was apart of the Catholic College - the only school available in miles. Even if you weren’t Catholic, you had to attend the school unless your parents were wealthy enough to afford a tutor. Mum unfortunately wasn’t. We may have been, before Dad died…
“Speaking of eating, are you guys still coming over tonight?” Jaidon asked, pointing at Sybil.
Mum looked up at him, her eyes beginning to build with tears. I knew what she was thinking because I was wondering the same thing. Someone had just died, and now my sister was out cold, and yet Jaidon still seemed his bubbly old self.
“Yes,” Mum’s shoulder began to shake as the tears began to spill out from her glistening eyes.
Don’t mention tonight! I mouthed.
Well, I am curious to know if you are. He replied, pouting his lips and crossing his hands over his chest. I stared down at Sybil, her rosy cheeks glistening in the morning light. Dew still covered the leaves of the red roses stretching around the church. It was a surprise they were even alive, after all, no one tended to them.
“We might as well leave, Baylee.” Mum patted my leg and stood up. “Can you please take Sybil to the car while I get my things?” I opened my mouth to reply but closed it quickly when Mum shot me a look. I nodded not really wanting to argue that Sybil weighed as much as a seal. Pulling her onto my back, my knees began to shake.
“Are you gonna help?” I asked Jaidon as I tried to take a step forward.
“Aw, but looking at you suffer is a lot funnier.” He began to hoot with laughter. Staggering towards him, I nudged at his chest with my shoulder sending him tumbling over the railing. Now this made me laugh. Jaidon threw himself up, screaming as he landed on a rose bush. The necklace of a shark’s tooth around his neck hit against his chest as he pulled himself over the railing and onto the stairs.
“What was that for?!” he shrieked.
“You know exactly why.” Jaidon stood up, pouting his lips. Grabbing at a thorn in his pants, he tugged it out whimpering as it came away creating a gaping hole. His pink elephant underwear suddenly visible. I laughed at him, pointing with my fingers at the hole. Jaidon was a lot smaller then me. In fact, I was a head taller then him. Staggering down the stairs, the weight of Sybil was definitely something I couldn’t handle. It was weird how someone so frail looking could be so heavy.
“So you are coming tonight?” Jaidon asked, rubbing at hole in his pants.
I nodded, a smile lingering on my cheeks. “Yes, Sybil just had another one of her dizzy spells. It’s not gonna stop us from coming to your house.” I looked up into the sky. Clouds rolled through the blue infinity, crowding round the yellow sun like flies to fruit. If God had given her a message, I was definitely jealous. Stopping at Mum’s green broken down car, I tried opening the front seat. As usual, it wouldn’t open.
“This car is the dumbest thing ever created!” I kicked its wheel, watching it shake from impact.
Jaidon looked over his shoulder as people began to emerge from the Church, viewing bluntly around them for signs of trouble. Did I believe in what Sybil had said? Well that’s just it, in Gallagher, a two faced fish isn’t a major shock? What ever Salem didn’t want, it was always forced onto Gallagher’s shoulders. Since Salem was the closest city to Gallagher, we relied on it heavily. In fact, Salem was the only place closest to Gallagher for miles.
Jaidon, not seeing my worries, leaned against the car, placing his arms behind his neck. “Eco-Goths, ten-a-clock!” he chirped, eyeing the crowd. I felt my shoulders freeze, and my stomach drop even lower into my pelvis. Not them, anyone but them. I quickly turned on the balls of my feet to see if Jaidon was telling the truth. Unfortunately, this time, he was. I groaned loudly.
Three girls, each one taller then the other, were dressed in black. They sauntered over, their heavy boots hitting the ground with force.
“Thought we were never going to get out of there,” Jana muttered, flicking her spunky red and black hair over her shoulder. She didn’t need to. Her hair didn’t even reach to her shoulders. I pushed myself up against the car, biting into my bottom lip.
“I didn’t think we were going to see dear, Baylee and her stupid little boyfriend wannabe.” Suzy snarled the strip of green in her long black hair fell into her porcelain pale face.
“We’re not dating!” Jaidon and I said in sync.
"But for you, I can make an exception!” Jaidon winked dramatically at Zima, a girl who hadn’t said anything. She didn’t scowl like I had expected, instead she kept her head down, letting her shoulder length hair fall into her face.
“What is wrong with you, Zima? Why are you acting like that?” Suzy barked, slapping her friend on the back.
“Yeah, ever since your date with Mark you’ve been all quiet.” Jana said, placing her hands on her hips. I rolled my eyes at Jaidon who was to busy trying not to laugh. What did they want? Couldn’t they just steal my money like the little bullies they were and leave me alone! Ever since pre-school: Zima, Jana and Suzy had been making it their goal to push me into the dirt every time we crossed paths. It was only till Jaidon came and began to make their lives hell did they resort to catching me when I was alone.
"Was it because you were at the industrial parks last night?” Jana asked, her powdered grey eyes widening.
Zima looked up and gasped. Quickly looking over at us, tears began to build in her eyes. I raised one of my eyebrows and tried to turn away, not wanting to see her spilling out her emotions, though Jaidon was all for it. Jostling me with his arm, he peered in closer, just waiting for a tear to fall. When he saw my expression, I thought he was going to slink away; though instead he rummaged through his pocket, pulling out his phone and trying to find the video camera application. Zima let a sob escape her mouth and began to run, placing her head in the palm of her hands.
Jaidon slapped his phone closed and sighed. “Anyway,” he drawled “I was going to tell you before I was so rudely interrupted: you’ll never believe what I found in Dad’s office!” he said, watching a Blue Jay land on a branch above my head. I stared after Zima as Suzy and Jana ran after her, stopping when Mark emerged from the Church, his grandfather pulling him by the ear.
“That was weird,” I muttered.
“Yeah but they are too, so back to my question!”
“What?” I placed Sybil over the car boot, rolling my shoulder as the pain lifted.
“I’m not going to say!” he chided. “You have to wait till you come over!”
“Jaidon!” I exclaimed, lifting myself onto the car next to him. “You can’t start telling me something then make me wait!”
“You’ll just have to be patient!” I watched Jaidon grab at a piece of grass and place it imbetween his teeth. “You know we have some guy staying over our house?”
“Who is it?”
“I think his name is Lee or something. Dad’s tutoring him to become a cop.”
“And why is that so bad?”
“It’s not that,” Jaidon’s eyes lit up with excitement. “When Dad was in the shower I raided his suitcase and…” he left the rest blank, as if wanting the anticipation to kill me.
“So you’re going to tell me now?” I asked suddenly interested. Jaidon always went through his Dad’s things, though he was never this excited about it.
He shook his head mischievously, “Nope! Hey Vive, are you bringing over your famous cakes?” I craned my neck to see Mum rummaging through her leather purse for the keys.
Mum smiled thinly. “I’ll see what I can do.” She turned her attention towards me. “C’mon Baylee, you have to do your chores.” Mum slung her arm under Sybil’s neck and hoisted her into the car. I looked at Jaidon to save me but he just shrugged and poked his tongue out.
“Can I go over to Jaidon’s house instead?” I asked knowing what the answer will be.
“We’re going over tonight! You can wait a few hours. Now hurry up, we must leave. I have a deadline to meet with the article I am currently working on.” I sighed, stepping into the car.
“Trust me, it’ll blow you away.” Jaidon said, nodding. As the car began to pull away, I spotted Zima huddled by the Church stairs, staring at her shoes as if they were the most interesting thing on the face of the earth. I wonder what happened to her.
If the body is missing in funerals, I'm pretty sure they don't have the coffins.
Maybe you could rephrase it a bit. Or it might just be me...
Gender:
Points: 14356
Reviews: 199