Young Writers Society

Midnight wonders

Deep within a dream

Fading in

Fading out

But always nestled against a dream

Dreams of peace

Of first loves bliss

softly spoken whispers

love poems read aloud

Dreams of love

Sang like a beautiful song

Playing over and over

Dreams of visions painted in shades of blue

A misty beach

A full moon

A midnight walk

A stolen kiss

Dreams of a happy time

Of warm embraces

And beautiful blue eyes

Dreams that play like movies

Fading in

Fading out

Always happy

Deep within

That peaceful dream

Cheers Silent! =)
Alright, let me start with the fact that I was caught off guard - the form of this poem just ain't ordinary at all nor usual. I tried to adjust to this unusual form and absorb all the poem has to offer. However, to be honest, I soon realized I'm rereading the poem many times and force my minds to make dots and comas at places. Let me explain, you see, there are lines there that connect together, but then all of a sudden the next one is just like an alien among humans. The dot/coma made me struggle with the poem a bit, connecting together the lines that felt like they have a connection and then reread the whole poem again. There were times, when miraculously I was riding on the flow of rhythm, but then 'boom', I realized the rhythm started becoming rocky. I was jumping over some big stones, but I still continued on as the imagination, yes, imagination was interesting. After finishing the poem, I ended up saying that the poem wasn't half bad, the words used were simple, easy to understand, easy to imagine, yet they didn't bore me. What I disliked though were those four 'A something' lines, I felt like repeating something again and again. All in all, this is a good try and poetry in my eyes and I believe you have what it takes to write great pieces. I'm just stuck on a thought that I'm not sure how good that form of yours would really go though, it just seems and feels kind of unnatural.

Don't feel discouraged ^^ If you stop, nothing would change. If you keep trying, you'll improve. This is a nice community of people that gladly review others' works when asked and give them information one needs to improve, just stick to it, keep writing and let me see some of the works =) I'm looking forward to seeing you bloom your poems or stories, keep it coming!

Thanks for the review, recently I have been posting older work to try to see what needs to be changed to improve, or if they are good the way they are... this one is not that old but still not to recent... I guess I should go through and put in comas and stuff...

So, thank,

~Rain~

This reads very nice,i thoroughly enjoyed it !