Adjusting to the Dark- Chapter 1 (1st draft)

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I'm home watching TV. No one else is around, Dad is at work, and we have no neighbours. Our high-luxury apartment takes up the entire first floor.
It's been a tiring day so I'm looking forward to watching my favourite TV show. Since yesterday I haven't been feeling great. I woke up this morning with a headache, and throughout school I kept feeling dizzy. But my schedule is too busy to bother with a little 'flu'. That's what I think it is, anyway.
I’m already engrossed in the TV. Suddenly I start to feel dizzy again. I sit still, thinking it'll pass in a minute. It did before anyway.

But not this time. The TV literally starts swirling, everything blurs. I stand up, maybe walking around will clear my head. Now nausea is creeping up from my stomach. The wall is swirling too. I try to stay upright but I keep blanking out. I see the walls rising, then the ceiling.
I figure I'm lying down now, but I can't feel anything. I want to scream for help, but my voice won't work. It's like a horrible nightmare. I feel tired, so tired. I decide to close my eyes. Maybe rest will help.

I'm awake now. But I don't know where I am. I hear voices and turn my head. There are shapes swirling around. They look vaguely human. Each one is different. Each one has a different voice. They're all a shade of red. Not blood red, like sun red.
Now I know that I'm not awake. I'm having a bad dream. 'Was it something I ate?' The logical part of my mind searches for a reason. I must have picked up some rare flu or something. But no matter how many things I come up with, I know they're not the reason.
The shapes around me keep changing, growing, shrinking. I try to make out something they're saying. But I can't. Their voices are all mixed together. For some reason, though, I don't feel scared. They seem to be showing me something. Now I notice there's a pattern. No matter how hard I try, I can't make anything out. I find myself wishing I had paid attention in code class.
Suddenly I see something out of the corner of my eye. It's funny in dreams, how sometimes you can have a body, or just eyes. In my case, it's the latter.
There are now different colour shapes. These ones are dark. Darker than anything I've ever seen. Just by looking at them I feel sucked in by their darkness. The dark shapes creep up to the first, red shapes. They don't see them coming, they keep dancing; trying to tell me something. I want to call out, but I can't. It's funny, in my dream I don't realize that I'm not really there. That it's not real. But of course, like all dreams, I believe everything that passes in front of my eyes.
Now the dark shapes rear up. They grab onto the first shapes. The red shapes writhe, trying to shake them off, but the dark hold fast. Soon the red shapes are overtaken. They turn an ugly dark red.
Suddenly I'm aware that they're further away. Things start fading out. I struggle to stay there. I want to see what happens to the good shapes.
Now it's faded back to dark. This, though, is a different dark than the evil shapes.
"Do not . . ." A low voice whispers.
'Do not' what? I cannot talk, so I think it, frantically. But it's too late. I feel myself drifting away from that place.
Once again, I wake up, this time for real. I have my body now, I can feel a cold sweat all over me. Slowly, my eyes flutter open. Sun streams through the half closed blinds and gently onto my face. Sun. Never have I been so glad to see it. After those dark shapes I never want to see the night again.
I think about my dream. No way that could be real. I must have some kind of flu. Hopefully that would be the worst of it.
I'm still lying down, slowing feeling seeps back into my muscles. I wish it didn't. Every part of my body aches. Never have I felt an ache like that. Not even when after the first day of Z-ball practice- but that's a whole other topic.
Carefully, I get up. I flinch at least ten times, but I make it. Everything still aches, of course, but I guess that's what you get for sleeping on the living room floor.
I groan and rub my hands over my face. As I lower them back down something catches my eye. I stare. These aren’t my hands. They’re all wrong, the fingers are too long, and the hands themselves are different looking.
“What the . . .” I murmur.
Forget my pain, I jump to my feet and run to the bathroom. I’m going so fast my feet skid as I turn the corner. I look in the mirror and gasp. My blue eyes and blond hair are gone! Replaced with another boy my age with brown hair, green eyes, and freckles.
“No! This can’t be real!” I cry. My voice is even different. Higher pitched, kind of squeaky. I grab at my new-found hair and stare at my reflection.
I look down, at least my clothes are the same. I’m still wearing the black T shirt and jeans I had on yesterday.
My freckled face is lit up in horror. How did this happen? I can come up with no conclusion. I’ve heard of how rest is good for you, and how sometimes you can wake up as a different person. But not like this! This is impossible.
“I must be dreaming again,” I say. I reach up and slap myself in the face- hard.
“Ow!” Not a dream! Now I wish I hadn’t hit myself so hard. There will probably be a mark there later. What fun it’ll be to explain that in school!
School. I don’t even know what time it is. For all I know it could be one in the afternoon or eight in the morning. Either way, I can’t go to school looking like this. What happens if Dad comes home?
I pace the bathroom’s floor for a few minutes.
Then I think of something; maybe there’s someway to undo it?
Change back I close my eyes and think it. Suddenly I feel a weird sensation, warmth floods my entire body.
Slowly, cautiously, I open my eyes.
It worked. I’m back to my normal self.
I look in the mirror and touch my face, just to be sure.
“Hello?” I say to myself hesitantly. Yeah, it’s me. My voice is back too..
But I also feel drained. It’s like all my energy is gone.
The thought hits me out of nowhere:
This means I have powers.
And shape-shifting powers at that. I shiver. Powers are for freaks. Weird people who just have them. Not so called high-society people like me.
Wow, if Dad found out he’d throw me out the window. Which happens to be seven-hundred stories high. Ouch.
But he’s not. Because he’s not going to find out.
I’ll keep it a secret. It won’t be hard. Not like I’m growing scales or anything. All I have to do is not let anyone get suspicious.
My stomach growls hungrily, I realize that I should probably get breakfast. On my way out to the kitchen, I hear beeping.
"ONE MESSAGE," The TV also doubles as a video-message station. The automated computer voice continues to repeat it. "ONE MESSAGE, ONE MESSAGE,"
"Play message," I say. I to walk over to the couch and sit down.
The screen changes to a picture of my dad. I choke back a shout of alarm. I forgot about that! What happened if he came home last night and found me passed out on the floor?
The message starts playing:
"Kevin, I know this is late, since you're not answering I hope you are in bed," Dad's stern voice says. His icy blue eyes seem to stare right at me. Thank goodness it's a message and not a call. No way Dad could see me like this- no way I could talk myself out of this.
"I'm just calling to tell you I won't be home tonight. There's been a sudden change in shipments"
Dad used 'shipments' in case someone was tapping the signal- highly unlikely- but we still do careful measures just for safety. His work isn't exactly average. He's the head command of a top secret organization. Not saying what.
"So I'll see you tomorrow, get to school on time too, okay?" The message shuts off.
School! I forgot about it.
I look at the bottom of the screen where the time is displayed. It says: 8:30 AM LD. LD stands for light day. It means there's daylight today. Every other day is dark because Nita has a twenty-four hour rotation.
8:30, it takes a second to sink in. That's barely enough time to get ready. If I hurry I just might make it!
And so the mad rush begins.
----------------------------------
So what do you think about the dream thing, the title, sentence length etc.? Any comments are greatly appreciated. :D
Last edited by Pretty Crazy on Wed Sep 29, 2010 10:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Hey this is good, i read the prologue as well but didnt feel like reviewing ok :P

Soooooo, well firstly even though i don't really like this style/genre of writing and i have the attention span of a flea, you kept me reading till the end and i followed it pretty well so :elephant: :D

Grammar and little mistakes aren't really my strongpoints so ill let someone else delve into them, the only thing that i'd really say is that occasionally you give the character thoughts that they wouldn't have. For instance "The TV also doubles as a video-message station." This character lives here, so why would they suddenly feel the need to think about something they will already take for granted. You and I don't hear a CD playing through a CD player that can also play radio and think 'The CD player can also play radio', do we?

If i were you with this bit I'd say something like " "ONE MESSAGE," the TV flips to message mode, the digital envelope taking up the entire screen as the automated computer voice continues to repeat it." "

The rest of this writing is easily-accessible, flows well and is generally great. The dream sequence is fantastic by the way :)

Baboon
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I am very happy that you posted in my thread to have me read this. It is truly amazing. Ok so here is what I have to say.

I. Personal Opinion
I loved it. My first impression was that this was kind-of unclear, but for some reason it held my attention. While I'm reading I think about what to review and how to critique and one of the main things I review is characters and the way the author develops them. So during the dream I was thinking about lack of character information, but when the dream ended I was surprisingly rewarded with a short physical description. Next I had no idea previously what time period this was set in and that some people had powers, so that as well made me quite surprised.

II. Characters & Character Development
Not much was done in the beginning and I had no idea who the character was as a person and what their traits were. This was to my enjoyment resolved within the last few paragraphs with a short but informative description of both her normal appearance and the shape shifting appearance.

III. Plot
This had one of the most open and brilliant plots of any story I have read in a long time. It seemed to flow well. By saying it is "open" I mean that you gave so many possibilities for yourself as to the next few chapters. I will go over the plot areas that changed my aspects on the story and left it open. First this interesting dream that has some future meaning, followed by the learning of her special skill of shape shifting, her position in society(/school?), father's mysterious job, and lastly the biggest change to the story for me was the fact that it is in the future. I was completely unexpected the later and it through my whole prospective off, well I really didn't have a prospective so you can say it created one for me.

IV. Closing thoughts
I will follow this story until you stop posting. I really enjoyed reading it and can tell it could become a great novel or at least a very popular fiction story here on YWS. I also noticed that baboon commented on your explaining some of the futuristic devices that the main character would already know about. Here is another one to add to those that he posted, but I really didn't mind the extra description as a reader. Information dumps are something I enjoy if they are presented correctly, but other reviewers/writers have other opinions so don't just listen to me. here is the other extra description I found:

It says: 8:30 AM LD. LD stands for light day.


I seriously enjoyed reading, mind Private messaging me when a new chapter is released?

~DayDreams
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Wow it's been a while. This is my first YWS review in a long, long time, so please be a bit lenient of my reviewing style if it's not up to the current standards or whatever. And now to begin the read~

(My during-read thoughts are in bold in the spoiler below)
Spoiler
I'm home watching TV. No one else is around, Dad is at work, and we have no neighbours. Our high-luxury apartment takes up the entire first floor.

It's been a tiring day so I'm looking forward to watching my favourite TV show. Since yesterday I haven't been feeling great. I woke up this morning with a headache, and throughout school I kept feeling dizzy. (You never described yesterday's symptoms... just saying). But my schedule is too busy to bother with a little 'flu'. That's what I think it is, anyway.

I’m already engrossed in the TV. Suddenly I start to feel dizzy again. I sit still, thinking it'll pass in a minute. It did before anyway.



But not this time. The TV literally starts swirling, everything blurs. I stand up, maybe walking around will clear my head. Now nausea is creeping up from my stomach. The wall is swirling too. I try to stay upright but I keep blanking out. I see the walls rising, then the ceiling.

I figure I'm lying down now, but I can't feel anything. I want to scream for help, but my voice won't work. It's like a horrible nightmare. I feel tired, so tired. I decide to close my eyes. Maybe rest will help.



I'm awake now. But I don't know where I am. I hear voices and turn my head. There are shapes swirling around. They look vaguely human. Each one is different. Each one has a different voice. They're all a shade of red. Not blood red, like sun red. (Funny, because that was my first thought.)

Now I know that I'm not awake. I'm having a bad dream. 'Was it something I ate?' The logical part of my mind searches for a reason. I must have picked up some rare flu or something. But no matter how many things I come up with, I know they're not the reason.

The shapes around me keep changing, growing, shrinking. I try to make out something they're saying. But (Don't need "but" here if I am correct on your thinking) I can't. Their voices are all mixed together. For some reason, though, I don't feel scared. They seem to be showing me something. Now I notice there's a pattern. No matter how hard I try, I can't make anything out. I find myself wishing I had paid attention in code class.

Suddenly I see something out of the corner of my eye. It's funny in dreams, how sometimes you can have a body, or just eyes. In my case, it's the latter.

There are now different colour shapes. These ones are dark (against a white background, I assume?). Darker than anything I've ever seen. Just by looking at them I feel sucked in by their darkness. The dark shapes creep up to the first, red shapes. (The last sentence can use just a little bit of reworking, but I understand now, after reading over it a few times) They don't see them coming, they (who's they?) keep dancing; trying to tell me something. I want to call out, but I can't. It's funny (I wouldn't use the word "funny" here, but, again, I understand.), in my dream I don't realize that I'm not really there. That it's not real. But of course, like all dreams, I believe everything that passes in front of my eyes.

Now the dark shapes rear up. They grab onto the first shapes (In my head I see black triangles with arms hugging red triangles... trippy...) . The red shapes writhe (Thanks for the new word!), trying to shake them off, but the dark hold fast. Soon the red shapes are overtaken. They turn an ugly dark red (Maroon?).

Suddenly I'm aware that they're further away. Things start fading out. I struggle to stay there. I want to see what happens to the good (There's good and bad ones now? I'm assuming the red are good but...) shapes.

Now it's faded back to dark (So it wasn't a white background?). This, though, is a different dark than the evil shapes.

"Do not . . ." A low voice whispers.

'Do not' what? I cannot talk, so I think it, frantically. But it's too late. I feel myself drifting away from that place.

Once again, I wake up, this time for real. I have my body now, I can feel a cold sweat all over me. Slowly, my eyes flutter (Oxymoron?) open. Sun(light?) streams through the half closed blinds and gently onto my face. Sun. Never have I been so glad to see it. After those dark shapes I never want to see the night again.

I think about my dream. No way that could be real. I must have some kind of flu. Hopefully that would be the worst of it.

I'm still lying down, (break into two different sentences) slowing feeling seeps back into my muscles. I wish it didn't. Every part of my body aches. Never have I felt an ache like that. Not even when after the first day of Z-ball (?) practice- but that's a whole other topic.

Carefully, I get up. I flinch at least ten times, but I make it. Everything still aches, of course, but I guess that's what you (or do you think "I" would go better here?) get for sleeping on the living room floor.

I groan and rub my hands over my face. As I lower them back down something catches my eye. I stare. These aren’t my hands. They’re all wrong, the fingers are too long, and the hands themselves are different looking.

“What the . . .” I murmur.

Forget my pain, I jump to my feet and run to the bathroom. I’m going so fast my feet skid as I turn the corner. I look in the mirror and gasp. My blue eyes and blond hair are gone! Replaced with brown hair, green eyes, and freckles.

“No! This can’t be real!” I cry. My voice is even different. Higher pitched, kind of squeaky. I grab at my new-found hair and stare at my reflection.

I look down, at least my clothes are the same. I’m still wearing the black T shirt and jeans I had on yesterday.

My freckled face is lit up in horror. How did this happen? I can come up with no conclusion. I’ve heard of how rest is good for you, and how sometimes you can wake up as a different person. But not like this! This is impossible.

“I must be dreaming again,” I say. I reach up and slap myself in the face- hard.

“Ow!” Not a dream! Now I wish I hadn’t hit myself so hard. There will probably be a mark there later. What fun it’ll be to explain that in school!

School. I don’t even know what time it is. For all I know it could be one in the afternoon or eight in the morning. Either way, I can’t go to school looking like this. What happens if Dad comes home?

I pace the bathroom’s floor for a few minutes.

Then I think of something; maybe there’s someway to undo it?

Change back(.) I close my eyes and think it. Suddenly I feel a weird sensation, warmth floods my entire body.

Slowly, cautiously, I open my eyes.

It worked. I’m back to my normal self.

I look in the mirror and touch my face, just to be sure.

“Hello?” I say to myself hesitantly. Yeah, it’s me. My voice is back too..(.?)

But I also feel drained. It’s like all my energy is gone.

The thought hits me out of nowhere:

This means I have powers. (In order to be proper, these last two lines are supposed to be one, but I don't think it really matters. This really does help emphasize the feelings in this sentence.)

And shape-shifting powers at that. I shiver. Powers are for freaks (So does this mean theres a history of people getting "powers" in this world?). Weird people who just have them. Not so called high-society people like me.

Wow, if Dad found out he’d throw me out the window. Which happens to be seven-hundred stories high. Ouch. (Haha^-^!)

But he’s not. Because he’s not going to find out.

I’ll keep it a secret. It won’t be hard. Not like I’m growing scales or anything. All I have to do is not let anyone get suspicious.

My stomach growls hungrily, I realize that I should probably get breakfast. On my way out to the kitchen, I hear beeping.

"ONE MESSAGE," The TV also doubles as a video-message station (ah, futuristic?). The automated computer voice continues to repeat it. "ONE MESSAGE, ONE MESSAGE, (maybe a hyphen should be here to show that continues/repeats?)"

"Play message," I say. I to walk over to the couch and sit down.

The screen changes to a picture of my dad. I choke back a shout of alarm. I forgot about that! What (would of) happened if he came home last night and found me passed out on the floor?

The message starts playing:

"Kevin, I know this is late, since you're not answering I hope you are in bed," Dad's stern voice says. His icy blue eyes seem to stare right at me. Thank goodness it's a message and not a call. No way Dad could see me like this- no way I could talk myself out of this.

"I'm just calling to tell you I won't be home tonight. There's been a sudden change in shipments"

Dad used 'shipments' in case someone was tapping the signal- highly unlikely- but we still do careful measures just for safety. His work isn't exactly average. He's the head command of a top secret organization. Not saying what. (Not Cool)

"So I'll see you tomorrow, get to school on time too, okay?" The message shuts off.

School! I forgot about it.

I look at the bottom of the screen where the time is displayed. It says: 8:30 AM LD. LD stands for light day. It means there's daylight today. Every other day is dark because Nita has a twenty-four hour rotation. (*Does not do sci-fi, so I'll take your word for it*)

8:30, it takes a second to sink in. That's barely enough time to get ready. If I hurry I just might make it!

And so the mad rush begins.


I like it. The "shapes" scene was confusing (see my notes), but besides that it did have a pull. So, made up planet, shape-changing powers, dad working for some sort of organization, futuristic technology... This is a very good set up. Your writing is realistic. You are going to need that when you explain events in the future.

What really intrigued me was your current-tense writing style. I tried to do something similar to yours, but failed each and every time. You, though, did it perfectly.

Please put me on your message list for your future chapters ^-^.

~Otaku
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This is really good. You really got me hooked on the story, wondering what's going to happen next!
It's a simple enough beginning, easy to get into, even with little detail as to who the main character is. The only thing is that the shapes are very vague, mostly left to the readers imagination. It was probably the intention, but if ever you need some specific any for readers to have, it might be a bit difficult.
Other than that, really enjoyed it, will have to read the rest later on! :D
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this is awesome you have a very abstract mind so do I, love the way you write I am looking forward to reading much more of your writing it's a little confusing but that's more fun so i hope to see a lot more your fellow writer for Jesus....




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Okay, thanks for the PM! I get what you mean about these not being as exciting as the prologue, especially as the begining paragraph isn't too flash. I would say that you should save that for later, and have something eye-catching.

I'm just going to edit this as a whole thing, because it's a relativly short peice. Bold are my thoughts, gramatical errors... basicly the stuff I'm touching up.

I'm home watching TV. No one else is around, Dad is at work, and we have no neighbours. Our high-luxury apartment takes up the entire first floor.

It's been a tiring day so I'm looking forward to watching my favourite TV show. Since yesterday I haven't been feeling great. I woke up this morning with a headache, and throughout school I kept feeling dizzy. But my schedule is too busy to bother with a little 'flu'. That's what I think it is, anyway.

I’m already engrossed in the TV. Suddenly I start to feel dizzy again. I sit still, thinking it'll pass in a minute. It did before anyway.



But not this time. The TV literally starts swirling, everything blurs. I stand up, maybe walking around will clear my head. [Shouldn't that make you feel more nausious? I think drinking some water, or lying down should be there instead.] Now nausea is creeping up from my stomach. The wall is swirling too. I try to stay upright but I keep blanking out. I see the walls rising, then the ceiling.

I figure I'm lying down now, but I can't feel anything. I want to scream for help, but my voice won't work. It's like a horrible nightmare. I feel tired, so tired. I decide to close my eyes. Maybe rest will help.

[Okay, I like the sentence structure, how it's all very short and concise. It does seem a little bland, however, because it's not descriptive. Basically, it's back to what I was saying before; your first sentence wants to be flashy, eye grabbing and original. Not three sylables, and describing a boring day. Perhaps it would be better to leave this for later, although, you did have a nice prologue, and if readers read that, then they won't mind that it's a little boring, because you've already shown what you're like. I'm torn, really. I suppose it depends if people read the prologue first.]

I'm awake now. But I don't know where I am. I hear voices and turn my head. There are shapes swirling around. They look vaguely human. Each one is different. Each one has a different voice. They're all a shade of red. Not blood red, like sun red.

[Not like blood red, like sun red. What's that mean? Sun red, I'm presuming this is a differnt sun than ours? If then, they wouldn;t call it the sun. they would call it Proxima centuari or something. Our local star is called the sun... just something to point out.]

Now I know that I'm not awake. I'm having a bad dream. 'Was it something I ate?' The logical part of my mind searches for a reason. I must have picked up some rare flu or something. But no matter how many things I come up with, I know they're not the reason.

The shapes around me keep changing, growing, shrinking. I try to make out something they're saying. But I can't. Their voices are all mixed together. For some reason, though, I don't feel scared. They seem to be showing me something. Now I notice there's a pattern. No matter how hard I try, I can't make anything out. I find myself wishing I had paid attention in code class.

Suddenly I see something out of the corner of my eye. It's funny in dreams, how sometimes you can have a body, or just eyes. In my case, it's the latter.

There are now different colour shapes. These ones are dark. Darker than anything I've ever seen. Just by looking at them I feel sucked in by their darkness. The dark shapes creep up to the first, red shapes. [Okay, so there are dark shapes and red shapes. I was under the impression that the red shapes were in the massive black chasm; all tat existed were him and the shapes. I'm confused... maybe you could describe the surroundins a little more?] They don't see them coming, they keep dancing; trying to tell me something. I want to call out, but I can't. It's funny, - in my dream I don't realize that I'm not really there. That it's not real. But of course, like all dreams, I believe everything that passes in front of my eyes.
BUT YOU JUST SAID YOU KNEW YOU WERE IN A DREAM! Sorry about that... contradictions there, though. I reckon get rid of the paragraph of him wondering where he is, and that paragraph there. It draws you away from the mood of the piece. Also, you need some action happening here; nothing has happened yet, not at all (unless you count some red splotches dancing with the black splotches, and an annoying narrative...). MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN! (something exciting, preferably). I think the stuff I underlined back there should go.]
Now the dark shapes rear up. They grab onto the first shapes. The red shapes writhe, trying to shake them off, but the dark hold fast. Soon the red shapes are overtaken. They turn an ugly dark red. [Weren't they already?]

Suddenly I'm aware that they're further away. Things start fading out. I struggle to stay there. I want to see what happens to the good shapes. Since when were tey good? Red is an evil, impulive colour. For all you know, black could be good, too. Maybe clarify?]

Now it's faded back to dark black. This, though, is a different dark than the evil shapes.

"Do not . . ." A low voice whispers.

'Do not' what? I cannot talk, so I think it, frantically. But it's too late. I feel myself drifting away from that place.

Once again, I wake up, this time for real. I have my body now, I can feel a cold sweat all over me. Slowly, my eyes flutter open. Sun streams through the half closed blinds and gently onto my face. Sun. Never have I been so glad to see it. After those dark shapes I never want to see the night again. [But he just said he wanted to stay and watch what happened]

I think about my dream. No way that could be real. I must have some kind of flu. Hopefully that would be the worst of it.

I'm still lying down, slowing feeling seeps back into my muscles. I wish it didn't. Every part of my body aches. Never have I felt an ache like that. Not even when after the first day of Z-ball practice- but that's a whole other topic. [Yeah, okay, I'll let that narrative device slide. Normall, I would boot it, but it works here. Ka Pai!

Carefully, I get up. I flinch at least ten times, but I make it. Everything still aches, of course, but I guess that's what you get for sleeping on the living room floor. [And his dad didn't find him? How would his muscles get sore after only a few hours/minutes of sleeping on the floor?]

I groan and rub my hands over my face. As I lower them back down something catches my eye. I stare. These aren’t my hands. They’re all wrong, the fingers are too long, and the hands themselves are different looking.

“What the . . .” I murmur.

Forgeting my pain, I jump to my feet and run to the bathroom. I’m going so fast my feet skid as I turn the corner. I look in the mirror and gasp. My blue eyes and blond hair are gone! Replaced with another boy my age with brown hair, green eyes, and freckles.

“No! This can’t be real!” I cry. Even my voice is evendifferent. Higher pitched, kind of squeaky. I grab at my new-found hair and stare at my reflection.

I look down, at least my clothes are the same. I’m still wearing the black T shirt and jeans I had on yesterday before [he doesn't know what day it is... it could be a week later, and if his dad hasn't found him, then I would hate to think of what happened to his mother.].

My freckled face is lit up in horror. How did this happen? I can come up with no conclusion. I’ve heard of how rest is good for you, and how sometimes you can wake up as a different person. But not like this! This is impossible.

“I must be dreaming again,” I say. I reach up and slap myself in the face- hard.

“Ow! Not a dream!" [I think it's better if he sounds like he's going crazy... talking to himself and all...] Now I wish I hadn’t hit myself so hard. There will probably be a mark there later. What fun it’ll be to explain that in school!

School. I don’t even know what time it is. For all I know it could be one in the afternoon or eight in the morning. Either way, I can’t go to school looking like this. What happens if Dad comes home?

I pace the bathroom’s floor for a few minutes.

Then I think of something; maybe there’s someway to undo it?

Change back I close my eyes and think it. Suddenly I feel a weird sensation, warmth floods my entire body.

Slowly, cautiously, I open my eyes.

It worked. I’m back to my normal self.

I look in the mirror and touch my face, just to be sure.

“Hello?” I say to myself hesitantly. Yeah, it’s me. My voice is back too..

But I also feel drained. It’s like all my energy is gone.

The thought hits me out of nowhere:

This means I have powers. [he's mellowed down a little quick. Maybe you could add in something about him calming down and splashing water over his face.]

And shape-shifting powers at that. I shiver. Powers are for freaks. Weird people who just have them. Not so called high-society people like me. [Oh, okay, so there are mutants. Forget my last comment.]

Wow, if Dad found out he’d throw me out the window. Which happens to be seven-hundred stories high [While it also happens to be the first story...]. Ouch.

But he’s not. Because he’s not going to find out.

I’ll keep it a secret. It won’t be hard. Not like I’m growing scales or anything. All I have to do is not let anyone get suspicious.

My stomach growls hungrily, I realize that I should probably get breakfast. On my way out to the kitchen, I hear beeping.

"ONE MESSAGE," The TV also doubles as a video-message station. The automated computer voice continues to repeat it. "ONE MESSAGE, ONE MESSAGE,"

"Play message," I say. I to walk over to the couch and sit down.

The screen changes to a picture of my dad. I choke back a shout of alarm. I forgot about that! What happened if he came home last night and found me passed out on the floor?

The message starts playing:

"Kevin, I know this is late, since you're not answering I hope you are in bed," Dad's stern voice says. His icy blue eyes seem to stare right at me. Thank goodness it's a message and not a call. No way Dad could see me like this- no way I could talk myself out of this.

"I'm just calling to tell you I won't be home tonight. There's been a sudden change in shipments"

Dad used 'shipments' in case someone was tapping the signal- highly unlikely- but we still do careful measures just for safety. His work isn't exactly average. He's the head command of a top secret organization. Not saying what.

"So I'll see you tomorrow, get to school on time too, okay?" The message shuts off.

School! I forgot about it.

I look at the bottom of the screen where the time is displayed. It says: 8:30 AM LD. LD stands for light day. It means there's daylight today. Every other day is dark because Nita has a twenty-four hour rotation. [Which means ther'll be every other night being light, too...]

8:30, it takes a second to sink in. That's barely enough time to get ready. If I hurry I just might make it!

And so the mad rush begins.



Okay; I must asmit that I'm not a fan of sci-fi, because I can't usulayy imagine what the other worlds are like, nad half the time people try and explain their worlds so much that half the book is them telling us about their planet... but anyways; I like this. There's a certain... mystery about it. I still think that you should describe the pawoers a little more, and show us how freaked out he is, perhaps by him panicing, making rash descisions. I will, however, read on and drop another comment in you next chapter! ONWARDS!
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This is good. Amazing I should say. I can't say anything else other then please write more and post it.



"You, who have all the passion for life that I have not? You, who can love and hate with a violence impossible to me? Why you are as elemental as fire and wind and wild things..."
— Gone With the Wind