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Young Writers Society


How to Be an Evil Mastermind {intro}



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123 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 82
Reviews: 123
Mon May 25, 2009 6:59 pm
Lord Anzius says...



How to Be an Evil Mastermind
By: That guy who looks like that other guy with the weird mustache.

Hello.
You have just opened "How to Be an Evil Mastermind". You have thus become one of “them”. Just by opening this book you have been automatically categorized and labeled, maybe even marked, as an evil mastermind, or as they are more formally known as “a person with a serious case of delusions and a split personality disorder.” This book includes guidelines for how to be, or become an evil mastermind, and what evil masterminds are actually for.

Now to begin we must first explain what exactly an evil mastermind is. This task is fairly easy, you just have to find yourself a dictionary and find the words “evil” and “mastermind”. However as an evil mastermind you are probably too lazy to do so, and therefore I will do it for you instead:

Evil = (Adjective) harmful; injurious: morally wrong or bad; immoral; wicked. (Idiom) The evil one or the devil; Satan.
Mastermind= (noun) a person who originates or is primarily responsible for the execution of a particular idea, or project.

This means that an evil mastermind is a harmful, injurious, morally wrong person who is primarily responsible for many devilish deeds, and most probably will be henceforth.

You are now ready to continue to page two… Why are you not at page two yet… Why do you insist on reading this instead of turning the page!!!?

Caution: The author of this book holds no responsibility of anything that might happen to you if and/or when you do as the book says. Some symptoms of this book may, or may not include: Chronic laughing; looking like an idiot; talking like a nincompoop and being a complete ass. Also some physical symptoms may include: tumors, brain cancer, radiation, heart failure and death. But don’t worry I’m sure you’ll be fine, just stay away from men dressed in white jackets.
Last edited by Lord Anzius on Tue May 26, 2009 12:59 pm, edited 2 times in total.
To copy reality is good... But to create reality is much, much better.
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Reviews: 59
Mon May 25, 2009 11:10 pm
Phantomofthebasket says...



YAY! I'm the first to review! Go me!
(Does a dance, looks at you, coughs, looks away, blushing.)
Ahh, yes.
Well.
Your story.

Absolutely brilliant. I loved it. It made me giggle.
However, as always, like in every other story in the world, there are at least a few things I saw that could be better... so, here we go. =D
Ooh, by the way, my corrections/suggestions within the quotation box thingmabobs are in bold. =D


By: That guy who looks like that other guy with the weird mustache.


You have just opened the "How to Be an Evil Mastermind".


Here, I would take out "the". Or, if you want to keep it in, I would add, "handbook" or "guide" after the title.

Just by opening this book, you have been automatically categorized and labeled, maybe even marked, as an evil mastermind, or, as they are more formally known as, “a person with a serious case of delusions and a split personality.” This book includes guidelines for how to be an evil mastermind, and what are evil masterminds actually for.


Also, take out the bolded "are". That, my friend, is unneeded. =D

Now to begin, with we must first


Take out "with". =)

find the words “evil” and “mastermind”. However, as an evil mastermind you are probably toolazy so I will do it for you instead:


(Adjectives)


No 's' needed.

(Idiom)[/u} The evil one, or the devil; Satan.


I don't know what you did for this... I'm assuming you accidently did the wrong underline paranthesis thing, which made the whole thing be underlined...

execution of a particular idea or project.


You are now ready to continue to page two. Why are you not at page two yet? Why do you insist on reading this instead of turning the page?!!!


On the "?!!!". Really, you're technically only supposed to use a "!?" once in a story. And I know this isn't a story, per say, but you shouldn't use so many. Just one exclamation point and question mark would do fine. =)

Caution: The author


Some symptoms of this book may, or may not include: Chronic laughing;


Also, some physical symptoms may include: tumors, brain cancer, radiation, heart failure and death. But don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll be fine. Just stay away from men dressed in white jackets.


And we're done!
I really liked this. Good job.
You should most definitely let me know when you get the next part up. Because, I mean... there IS going to be a next part...
Right? =D
Good job once again. =D

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6 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 6
Tue May 26, 2009 1:58 am
JHall91 says...



This is really creative! Some grammar mistakes that have already been addressed, so I don't need to talk about, but it's a good, catchy intro.
This sentence ("...and what are evil masterminds actually for" (I think you meant to have the "are" after the "masterminds"?)) leaves me particularly interested in what follows this first page. Maybe I'm interpreting wrong, but it sounds like you mean to explain the role evil masterminds play in society...their niche you could say (?)...that seems hilarious. I look forward to the next part!
--JHall--
  





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Wed Jun 03, 2009 7:35 am
Demeter says...



Moi Anssi!

I saw this work as one of the random works, and when I saw its author, my first thought was "LOL." :D BUt definitely in a good way, because I immediately wanted to read this.


Just by opening this book you have been automatically categorized and labeled, maybe even marked, as an evil mastermind, or as they are more formally known as “a person with a serious case of delusions and a split personality disorder.”


I is an evil mastermind? :O Anyway, what I was thinking is you should maybe replace the last comma with a dash to some varying and make the sentence less choppy. Like this: "...as an evil mastermind – or as they are more formally known..." Oh, I noticed an extra "as" there! Right now you have "as they are more formally known as" – the last one is redundant, is it not?


You are now ready to continue to page two… [s]Why are you not at page two yet… Why do you insist on reading this instead of turning the page!!!?[/s]


I think you can scratch those last two sentences. Although it's definitely reflecting your own style, it doesn't work that well with this piece. Besides, without them it's more mysterious, since it's actually the end of this bit :)


Other than that, this was purely entertaining. The biggest problem in it was its shortness. I want more. *pouts*

See you around (and I will review eventually those two chapters you requested in my thread ages ago, sorry for the long wait)!


Demeter
xxx
"Your jokes are scarier than your earrings." -Twit

"14. Pretend like you would want him even if he wasn't a prince. (Yeah, right.)" -How to Make a Guy Like You - Disney Princess Style

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