Let Me Love You(4)

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*Warning: It is rated pg-13 because once again the charcater Gary has a dream about Isabella*
Chapter four

When Gary got out of the shower he put on grey sweat pants and a red Ohio state shirt. Then he plopped down on the bed and shut his eyes. A good nap will do me some good, he drifted off to sleep.

Once again his dreams veered off towards Isabella. She was wearing a bikini. It’s multi colored straps were tightly tied around her neck, showing off her shoulders and cleavage. She laid down on her stomach in the soft white sand.

The southern sun beat on Gary’s beat. Gary stood behind her with the sun tan lotion. He ran his hands down Isabella’s backside; she let out a soft moan. A breeze blew past them as Isabella turned around. Gary dropped the lotion and kissed her neck. Her low, soft moans were turning him on. She smiled up at him as she fussed with his belt. Just as the fun began, it came to a stop when Gary’s cell phone rang and woke him up.

“Hello,” Gary said in a groggy voice.

“Hey Belle’s awake. She wants to see you,” Joe Don informed him.

“Alright, I’ll be right there,” Gary said yawning.

Back at the hospital Destiny and Joe Don were patiently waiting outside Isabella’s room.

“I told you not to wake him up.” Destiny gave Joe Don her infamous narrowed eyebrows and flaring nostrils look.

“Well Belle asked to see him, what was I suppose to say? No?” Joe Don replied defending himself.

Destiny let out a sigh and let it go. Soon she saw Gary walking out of the elevator.

“How is she?” Gary asked running his fingers through his uncombed hair.

“She said her side is sore, but with the medication the doctor gave her I think she’s fine now.” Joe Don gave Gary a pat on the back.

“Ok,” Gary said smiling at Isabella as he walked into her room.

She was absolutely gorgeous to him, more so than the last time he saw her. Her perfect blue eyes shone, and her skin was golden. He could see past the few physical injuries and get down to her true beauty, what lied beneath: her soul.

“Hey cowboy.” Isabella forced a smile on her face.

“Hey Belle how are you?” Gary leaned over her to kiss her forehead.

“I feel awful.” Her smile vanished into a frown.

“What is it?” Gary asked as her face went white.

“Hey Belle.” Jay walked in.

“Oh, it’s you. I’ll let you two have some time to talk.” Gary walked out of the room.

Isabella and Jay stared at each other for awhile until Jay sat down next to Isabella.

“Look, Belle, I would never hurt you on purpose. If I knew you were awake when I was talking I would have never said what I did. I’m so sorry.” Jay fixated his long, bright, blue eyes on the paint splattered tiles.

“Jay, I’m not mad at you. I knew the end of our relationship was coming soon, but it’s just all way too much right now.” Isabella took her hand and graciously touched his cheek so he would look at her.

“I know, I should of waited,” Jay said lowly.

“But we’re still friends right?” She asked as her eyes twinkled at him.

“Oh, Belle, yes,” Jay replied as Belle burst into tears.

Jay wrapped his arms around her and rocked her back and forth like she was a young girl again.
***

Out in the waiting room Gary had fell asleep with his head against the wall. Destiny nudged him awake and told him to go home.

“What about Belle?” Gary asked standing up.

“Jay is with her. She’ll be fine, go home.” Destiny shooed him towards the elevator.

Gary went home reluctantly. The guestroom was ready for Isabella’s stay, and so was the fridge, packed with all her favorite food. Since Gary could do nothing more to get ready for Isabella he went outside to the lake in his back yard.

Sitting on the dock Gary just couldn’t help but think of Isabella. Gary laid back on the dock and nodded off to sleep.

Isabella was sitting in Gary’s lap with her legs wrapped around his waist. She was running her fingers along his body as she unbuttoned his shirt. It fell upon his bed, and she smiled at him. Pausing for a second Gary blew out the candle, the only form of light in the dark room. Right when her soft lips touched his skin Gary woke up with a fish in his face.

“What the?” Gary asked standing up.

Kevin, Gary’s younger brother, was waving a fish in his face. Kevin had put the fish on Gary’s lips causing him to dream of Isabella kissing him. He had come to visit Gary for spring break during his senior year at Ohio state University.

“I’m down here for spring break remember?” Kevin asked.

“Oh, Kevin, I totally forgot you were coming down here. Look, Isabella was in a car accident two days ago.” Gary said shocking Kevin.

“Oh my gosh. Is she ok?” Kevin asked as they walked in.

“Well, yeah, for now. Her ribs are broken and she did have a mild concussion. She will be staying here starting tomorrow until she is all better.” Gary sat in the living room with Kevin after they grab a beer.

“Why isn’t she staying with Jay?” Kevin asked sipping his beer.

“He broke up with her this morning.” Gary gulped down his beer.

“Kevin, I’m sorry, but I’m exhausted. You know where the basement is, go set up your stuff.” Gary threw his beer bottle away and headed up the stairs.

The next day Gary woke up early to go sign Isabella’s release papers. She was so excited, finally getting out of the hospital, even if she only stayed for two nights. Once at Gary’s house, Gary ordered Isabella upstairs.

*Forward One Week*

“Oh, Gary, you know what I would really like to do right now?” She asked grinning.

“What?” Gary asked anxious to know what it was.

“I really want to take a shower.” She laughed as Gary’s facial expressions changed.

“Ah, ok, here let me help you up.” Gary thoughts certainly turned dirty.

Gary put her arm around his shoulders and walked her to the bathroom. He helped her into the bathtub and gave her the shampoo and body wash. Gary went downstairs as Kevin came upstairs.

“Are you just now waking up?” Gary asked with a smirk on his face.

“Yes,” Kevin said taking a seat next to Gary on the couch.

“Well, Belle’s upstairs taking a shower. So do you want some breakfast?” Gary asked going into the kitchen.

“Sure, how about pancakes?” Kevin asked with hope.

“No, got some cereal though,” Gary said laughing.

“Well, it was worth a try.” Kevin grabbed a bowl of fruit loops and sat at the table. Gary poured himself some orange juice and sat across from Kevin at the table.

“So how has mom been?” Gary asked.

“She’s good. She‘s been working hard lately, but that‘s what she does.” Kevin took in a spoon full of cereal.

“True,” Gary said as Isabella came slowly walking down the stairs with wet stringy hair.

“Hey, I told you, you are suppose to be on strict bed rest.” Gary jumped up.

“I just came down for some company. It’s boring up there all alone.” Isabella waved to Kevin as he put his empty dish in the sink.

“I don’t know what to tell you.” Gary tried to get her back up the stairs.

“I say you let me stay on the couch,” She said with a smirk.

“That’s going to hurt your side, to be on a couch for so long,” Gary replied stalling.

“How about I stay down here during the day, then you can help me upstairs during the night?” Isabella asked going over to the couch.

“I guess I have no choice. There is no changing your mind once you have it made up.” Gary rolled his eyes.

Isabella laughed, shoving off Gary’s snooty mood. During the day Gary tried to make small talk between both Kevin and Isabella, but his mind was racing with thoughts of her. Every time he looked at her he got the image of them as a family, but he quickly shook it off. He knew he could never let her know what he was thinking. This was all so confusing. He had never felt this way towards her before. So why is he starting to now? Is it because he knows Jay is out of the picture?
Last edited by Rascalover on Fri May 22, 2009 11:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Hello,

I still like the story very much. Its very good.

While reading I noticed some spots with comma issues, but maybe I'm just off. I could be wrong.

Anyway, can't wait for chapter five. Good job writing! :D




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Thank you :)
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Hey again! I'm back, darling. :D


“Look, Belle, I would never hurt you on purpose. If I knew you were awake when I was talking I would have never said what I did. I’m so sorry.” Jay fixated his puppy dog eyes on the paint splattered tiles.

Why would he be looking at the tiles with puppy dog eyes? I can see if he is staring down at the tiles, but with puppy dog eyes? That really makes no sense to me.


Okay, there were a couple of comma errors in there too, darling. If you need any help with those, feel free to PM me. Otherwise, I bet you can figure them out yourself. :wink:



The Dreams :arrow: I still feel like you could describe it here more. Like, describe more what it looks like around them. Are they on a beach again? Are they by themselves? Tell us more! Especially in that second dream. That can help give the readers the, "OHMYGAWD, NO WAY!!" (remember that? Ya? Remember?)

I like how you are puttting the dreams there so we can understand mroe about Gary's internal conflict here. But we do need more of the "OHMYGAWD, NO WAY!!"


Realistic Problems :arrow: there is one tiny problem here.

A person who has been in a car accident and broken some ribs cannot walk after two days. And the hospital probably won't release her after two days either. Do you think that you would be able to walk after being in a car accident and had broken some ribs? It would hurt a lot.

Maybe spreading it out longer can help. You can do, so many days/weeks later. Just make sure you Google it to make sure what is actaully realistic.


Little bits and pieces :arrow: I really love this, darling. I can't wait to read more! I also love the conflict here. About how Gary likes Isabella and all the stuff that goes along. I also love how you are making this work out. Good job, darling! :D


Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or comments.

Oh yeah!

Right when her soft lips touched his skin Gary woke up with a fish in his face.

*cracks up*
That was hiliarious!

*Lin
"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." ~ Lao-tzu

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Thanks again for such an awesome review. im glad you like the story. About the realistic problem i think it's realistic because when I was nine I was hit by a car. Similar things happened and after a week I was healing and feeling better. By the second day after plenty of rest I felt fine. And i never spent the night in the hospital I went home that day, but if this isn't normal for others than I'll look it up :)
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Okay.

This is really bugging me.

In the last four or so chapters, you say something like 'she had a mild concussion,

broke a rib, bla bla bla.' That is so annoying!! It's like, 'I already know!' Don't repeat

your self, sweet heart.
Don't tell anyone, but nobody likes you. Shhh!




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:) Thanks. I tend to do that alot even in real life conversations. My moms like yeah yeah I know already.

Thanks for the feed back :)
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Well, wow again. I know that's pretty much all I say, but it seems like there isn't much TO say. You say it all in your stories. This is great. I don't see much wrong with it at all, but as usual, I have a few suggestions. Instead of telling us about the fish, could you show that there is a fish on Gary's mouth? Give me a visual. What kind of fish was it? What does Kevin look like? Does Gary jump when he realizes that his younger brother is there? Is it startling? Just a suggestion. I would never rewrite anyone else's story. Otherwise, you're doing great! i can't wait to read the next chapter!




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Once again thank you. You are so kind :)
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Rascalover wrote:*Warning: It is rated pg-13 because once again the charcater Gary has a dream about Isabella*
Chapter four

Then he plopped down on the bed and shut his eyes.

I'm not so sure about the word plopped in this situation.

Once again his dreams veered off towards Isabella. She was wearing a bikini. It’s multi colored straps were tightly tied around her neck, showing off her shoulders and cleavage. She laid down on her stomach in the soft white sand.

Put this in italics to show it's a dream

“Well Belle asked to see him, what was I suppose to say? No?” Joe Don replied defending himself.

The reader already knows he's defending himself.

“Oh, Kevin, I totally forgot you were coming down here. Look, Isabella was in a car accident two days ago.” Gary said shocking Kevin.

You find out kevin is shocked in the next line, just delete 'shocking kevin'

Gary sat in the living room with Kevin after they grab a beer.

Grabbed instead of grab

“He broke up with her this morning.” Gary gulped down his beer.

The repetition of the word beers is used wayyy too much, it becomes annoying, say he gulped his down, people will know what you mean.

“Kevin, I’m sorry, but I’m exhausted. You know where the basement is, go set up your stuff.” Gary threw his beer bottle away and headed up the stairs.

Again with the beer.



“Well, it was worth a try.” Kevin grabbed a bowl of fruit loops and sat at the table. Gary poured himself some orange juice and sat across from Kevin at the table.

Again repetition of the word table is not necessary.

OK, i really like where this story is going, I'm excited for Gary. My one thing is stop treating the reader like they don't know a lot, people can grasp a situation very quickly and whether an object is in fact an object. However I don't agree with Aubree, when you say broken ribs and concussion it is almost as if Gary is obsessing over it. You mention it in a nice way and I'll tell you what, she won't forget her symptoms, maybe you can bring that up later in some clever twist to make that repetition worth something. That would be really cool. Anyway it really is good and getting better as your sinking into it.

Keep writing,


Miriam




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Thank you so much :)
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You were hit by a car at the age of nine? :(

Glad you're OK. :D

Before I start, a little compliment. I envy you for the ability to make small sentences. Every sentence I make is like twenty words of description. :lol: At least my English teacher doesn't have to tell me to make my sentences at least ten words like she does to other kids. But, my long sentences do slow the pace in my book. So, you easily top me in that regard. :wink:

When Gary got out of the shower he put on grey sweat pants and a red Ohio state shirt. Then he plopped down on the bed and shut his eyes. A good nap will do me some good, he drifted off to sleep.


The southern sun beat on Gary’s beat. Gary stood behind her with the sun tan lotion. He ran his hands down Isabella’s backside; she let out a soft moan. A breeze blew past them as Isabella turned around. Gary dropped the lotion and kissed her neck. Her low, soft moans were turning him on. She smiled up at him as she fussed with his belt. Just as the fun began, it came to a stop when Gary’s cell phone rang and woke him up.


You meant, "back" :P

“Well Belle asked to see him, what was I supposed to say? No?” Joe Don replied defending himself.


*Raises hand* Question, are these characters southern? :D

Destiny let out a sigh and let it go. Soon she saw Gary walking out of the elevator.


This will be the last time I mention this. :P You seem to have some sort of magical force that knows the thoughts of every character. The only book I've read that does something similar is THE LOVELY BONES. And I didn't like it there, nor did I care much for that book. It's quite a bad influence on young girls.


“She said her side is sore, but with the medication the doctor gave her I think she’s fine now.” Joe Don gave Gary a pat on the back.


Should be a comma. Unless, you are from some region of the world where punctuation is vastly different. (Sometimes it's confusing on this site because of different grammar rules in different parts of the world) And, why do you often mention the characters last names when they were already established? We readers are not completely dopey. Or are we? :)

She was absolutely gorgeous to him, more so than the last time he saw her. Her perfect blue eyes shone, and her skin was golden. He could see past the few physical injuries and get down to her true beauty, what lied beneath: her soul.


Maybe it could just be a comma? But, you could be right by using it, for I'm not really sure about it.

“Hey cowboy.” Isabella forced a smile on her face.


," Isabella said, forcing a smile on her face. (To limit your use of avoiding he/she said) Trust me, you'll have trouble finding books that don't use it. I'd give you a cookie for each one you found, but they'd spoil through the mail. :P

“Hey Belle.” Jay walked in.


," Jay said, walking in.

Isabella and Jay stared at each other for awhile until Jay sat down next to Isabella.


The double mentioning of Jay in a single sentence is confusing.

“Jay, I’m not mad at you. I knew the end of our relationship was coming soon, but it’s just all way too much right now.” Isabella took her hand and graciously touched his cheek so he would look at her.


"raised" or "reached out" :?:

“But we’re still friends right?” She asked, as her eyes twinkling at him.


Sentence was slightly edited from original version. *Throws head back and laughs like a madman*
“Oh, Belle, yes,” Jay replied as Belle burst into tears.


"Yes, Belle, we are," (More dramatic, and it makes Gary sound less like he just blurts out random desperate sayings)
Jay wrapped his arms around her and rocked her back and forth like she was a young girl again.


Since you wrote this sentence in past tense for some reason "was" should be "were" though I'd suggest you just stick to present tense. I find myself telling that to a lot of people when I probably shift a lot of tenses in writing too.

***

It's nearly midnight, so I'd better finish this review tomorrow. Will be back to finish, promise. :P
Out in the waiting room Gary had fell asleep with his head against the wall. Destiny nudged him awake and told him to go home.


Since this paragraph is in past tense, "fallen" should be the word.

“What about Belle?” Gary asked, standing up.


Sitting on the dock Gary just couldn’t help but think of Isabella. Gary laid back on the dock and nodded off to sleep.


The word, "nodded" gives me a comical image. Maybe use, "drifted" or cross out off as well and use, "succumbed"
:smt015

Isabella was sitting in Gary’s lap with her legs wrapped around his waist. She was running her fingers along his body as she unbuttoned his shirt. It fell upon his bed, and she smiled at him. Pausing for a second Gary blew out the candle, the only form of light in the dark room. Right when her soft lips touched his skin Gary woke up with a fish in his face.


Please know that I find this kind of stuff disgusting. This Gary guy only really knows this woman for how long? I don't like reading about protagonists like him.

“What the?” Gary asked standing up.


Try, "gasped, springing up." Now, doesn't that sound like Gary was surprised? :P

Kevin, Gary’s younger brother, was waving a fish in his face. Kevin had put the fish on Gary’s lips causing him to dream of Isabella kissing him. He had come to visit Gary for spring break during his senior year at Ohio state University.


How did his younger brother know? You didn't tell about it. You should either add the detail, or omit that part. :)
“Oh, Kevin, I totally forgot you were coming down here. Look, Isabella was in a car accident two days ago,” Gary said.

Kevins expression changed to one of shock.


Changed up a bit.
:D



“Oh my gosh. Is she [color=#0040FF]ok
?” Kevin asked as they walked in.[/color]

You never said they were going to the house. Add that in before this. And "ok" should be in all caps like, "OK"


“Well, yeah, for now. Her ribs are broken and she did have a mild concussion. She will be staying here starting tomorrow until she is all better.” Gary sat in the living room with Kevin after they grabbed a beer.


Changed "grab" to "grabbed" and please explain where the beer came from. A cooler next to the couch? Sorry, I'm just a kid who's obsessed with details. *Sigh* I can't even make a simple time span of two minutes be less than one page.
:( I need help. :D
“Ah, ok, here let me help you up.” Gary's thoughts certainly turned dirty.

"Certainly" is an odd word choice. And why does that dirty thing even need to be there? I'm really starting to hate Gary. :smt021

Gary put her arm around his shoulders and walked her to the bathroom. He helped her into the bathtub, gave her the shampoo, and body wash.

After assisting Isabelle Gary went downstairs, encountering Kevin, who was going up.


Edited. :D
And, HA! He walked himself? :lol: I think you meant "Issable's"


“Sure, how about pancakes?” Kevin asked with hope.


Redundant, how about just "hopefully" :?:

“Well, it was worth a try.” Kevin grabbed a bowl of fruit loops and sat at the table.

Gary poured himself some orange juice and sat across from Kevin at the table.


Each characters actions should be on a different line.

“True,” Gary said as Isabella came slowly walking down the stairs, her hair wet and stringy.


Wow, now that sentence was a mouthful, but I slightly edited it. :smt003

“Hey, I told you, you are supposed to be on strict bed rest,” Gary said, jumping up.

Tweaked. :wink:

"How about I stay down here during the day? Then you can help me upstairs during the night?" Isabella said, going over to the couch.

Edited.

I'm done with this chapter.
:smt039
Last edited by AspiringAuthorA..M. on Sat Feb 13, 2010 3:12 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Thanks :)
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Hey Tiffany. Here again. I thought that I would read every chapter but not post a review, but then I badly wanted to review something and I felt reviewing it. It is a fun to read this.
Here to review:
A good nap will do me some good, he drifted off to sleep.
This sentence would read better like this: A good nap will do me some good, he thought to himself. So, he drifted off to sleep.

The southern sun beat on Gary’s beat.
Okay I don't know what the latter 'beat' means as I haven't heard it being used in this context before. Whatever it is, you can try replacing it with some other word, if possible, as a word doesn't seem nice being repeated again two times in a sentence even if they have different meanings. That's my opinion. :xd:

Back at the hospital, Destiny and Joe Don were patiently waiting outside Isabella’s room.


“Well Belle asked to see him, what was I suppose to say? No?” Joe Don replied defending himself.
There should be a comma right after 'replied'.

“Hey Belle.” Jay walked in.

“Oh, it’s you. I’ll let you two have some time to talk.” Gary walked out of the room.
I think this could've been expanded into more motions and thoughts. Just he walked in or he went away sound so dull and boring.

“I know, I should ofhave waited,” Jay said lowly.


Jay wrapped his arms around her and rocked her back and forth like she was a young girl again.
Doesn't this sound silly? If her ribs are broken, then first she won't be discharged so soon and second he won't rock her even slowly. I wanted to point out the discharge so soon part before also.

Since Gary could do nothing more, to get ready for Isabella he went outside to the lake in his back yard.


He had come to visit Gary for spring break during his senior year at Ohio State University.
'S' state should be capital since ts the name of an university. Otherwise, it would've been okay.

“I’m down here for spring break, remember?” Kevin asked.


She was so excited, finally getting out of the hospital, even if she had only stayed for two nights.


Is it because he knows Jay is out of the picture?
I loved this line here. Its a perfect ending. :D

So I have one very important thing to mention. If her ribs are broken then how come she got discharge so soon, just after a day. That was odd.
Also you are eating up commas a lot now. It was perfect in chapter-1 only till the chapters I have read.
I loved this chapter also, the ending line was very cool. :wink:

Flying off for now! :superman:
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I might have to bend it back
Or break it, break it off
Next time you point a finger
I'll point you to the mirror"

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Rascalover wrote:*Warning: It is rated pg-13 because once again the charcater Gary has a dream about Isabella*
Chapter four

When Gary got out of the shower he put on grey sweat pants and a red Ohio state shirt. Then he plopped down on the bed and shut his eyes. A good nap will do me some good, he drifted off to sleep. (The phrasing here is kind of odd. I think there either needs to be a dialogue tag or two seperate sentences.)

Once again his dreams veered off towards Isabella. She was wearing a bikini. It’s multi colored straps were tightly tied around her neck, showing off her shoulders and cleavage. She laid down on her stomach in the soft white sand.

The southern sun beat on Gary’s beat. ()back?) Gary stood behind her with the sun tan lotion. He ran his hands down Isabella’s backside; she let out a soft moan. A breeze blew past them as Isabella turned around. Gary dropped the lotion and kissed her neck. Her low, soft moans were turning him on. She smiled up at him as she fussed with his belt. Just as the fun began, it came to a stop when Gary’s cell phone rang and woke him up.

“Hello,” Gary said in a groggy voice.

“Hey Belle’s awake. She wants to see you,” Joe Don informed him.

“Alright, I’ll be right there,” Gary said yawning.

Back at the hospital Destiny and Joe Don were patiently waiting outside Isabella’s room.

“I told you not to wake him up.” Destiny gave Joe Don her infamous narrowed eyebrows and flaring nostrils look.

“Well Belle asked to see him, what was I suppose to say? No?” Joe Don replied defending himself.

Destiny let out a sigh and let it go. Soon she saw Gary walking out of the elevator.

“How is she?” Gary asked running his fingers through his uncombed hair.

“She said her side is sore, but with the medication the doctor gave her I think she’s fine now.” Joe Don gave Gary a pat on the back.

“Ok,” Gary said smiling at Isabella as he walked into her room.

She was absolutely gorgeous to him, more so than the last time he saw her. Her perfect blue eyes shone, and her skin was golden. He could see past the few physical injuries and get down to her true beauty, what lied beneath: her soul.

“Hey cowboy.” Isabella forced a smile on her face.

“Hey Belle how are you?” Gary leaned over her to kiss her forehead.

“I feel awful.” Her smile vanished into a frown.

“What is it?” Gary asked as her face went white.

“Hey Belle.” Jay walked in.

“Oh, it’s you. I’ll let you two have some time to talk.” Gary walked out of the room.

Isabella and Jay stared at each other for awhile until Jay sat down next to Isabella.

“Look, Belle, I would never hurt you on purpose. If I knew you were awake when I was talking I would have never said what I did. I’m so sorry.” Jay fixated his long, bright, blue eyes on the paint splattered tiles.

“Jay, I’m not mad at you. I knew the end of our relationship was coming soon, but it’s just all way too much right now.” Isabella took her hand and graciously touched his cheek so he would look at her.

“I know, I should of waited,” Jay said lowly.

“But we’re still friends right?” She asked as her eyes twinkled at him.

“Oh, Belle, yes,” Jay replied as Belle burst into tears.

Jay wrapped his arms around her and rocked her back and forth like she was a young girl again.
***

Out in the waiting room Gary had fell asleep with his head against the wall. Destiny nudged him awake and told him to go home.

“What about Belle?” Gary asked standing up.

“Jay is with her. She’ll be fine, go home.” Destiny shooed him towards the elevator.

Gary went home reluctantly. The guestroom was ready for Isabella’s stay, and so was the fridge, packed with all her favorite food. Since Gary could do nothing more to get ready for Isabella he went outside to the lake in his back yard.

Sitting on the dock Gary just couldn’t help but think of Isabella. Gary laid back on the dock and nodded off to sleep.

Isabella was sitting in Gary’s lap with her legs wrapped around his waist. She was running her fingers along his body as she unbuttoned his shirt. It fell upon his bed, and she smiled at him. Pausing for a second Gary blew out the candle, the only form of light in the dark room. Right when her soft lips touched his skin Gary woke up with a fish in his face.

“What the?” Gary asked standing up.

Kevin, Gary’s younger brother, was waving a fish in his face. Kevin had put the fish on Gary’s lips causing him to dream of Isabella kissing him. He had come to visit Gary for spring break during his senior year at Ohio state University.

“I’m down here for spring break remember?” Kevin asked.

“Oh, Kevin, I totally forgot you were coming down here. Look, Isabella was in a car accident two days ago.” Gary said shocking Kevin.

“Oh my gosh. Is she ok?” Kevin asked as they walked in.

“Well, yeah, for now. Her ribs are broken and she did have a mild concussion. She will be staying here starting tomorrow until she is all better.” Gary sat in the living room with Kevin after they grab a beer.

“Why isn’t she staying with Jay?” Kevin asked sipping his beer.

“He broke up with her this morning.” Gary gulped down his beer.

“Kevin, I’m sorry, but I’m exhausted. You know where the basement is, go set up your stuff.” Gary threw his beer bottle away and headed up the stairs.

The next day Gary woke up early to go sign Isabella’s release papers. She was so excited, finally getting out of the hospital, even if she only stayed for two nights. Once at Gary’s house, Gary ordered Isabella upstairs.

*Forward One Week*

“Oh, Gary, you know what I would really like to do right now?” She asked grinning.

“What?” Gary asked anxious to know what it was.

“I really want to take a shower.” She laughed as Gary’s facial expressions changed.

“Ah, ok, here let me help you up.” Gary thoughts certainly turned dirty.

Gary put her arm around his shoulders and walked her to the bathroom. He helped her into the bathtub and gave her the shampoo and body wash. Gary went downstairs as Kevin came upstairs.

“Are you just now waking up?” Gary asked with a smirk on his face.

“Yes,” Kevin said taking a seat next to Gary on the couch.

“Well, Belle’s upstairs taking a shower. So do you want some breakfast?” Gary asked going into the kitchen.

“Sure, how about pancakes?” Kevin asked with hope.

“No, got some cereal though,” Gary said laughing.

“Well, it was worth a try.” Kevin grabbed a bowl of fruit loops and sat at the table. Gary poured himself some orange juice and sat across from Kevin at the table.

“So how has mom been?” Gary asked.

“She’s good. She‘s been working hard lately, but that‘s what she does.” Kevin took in a spoon full of cereal.

“True,” Gary said as Isabella came slowly walking down the stairs with wet stringy hair.

“Hey, I told you, you are suppose to be on strict bed rest.” Gary jumped up.

“I just came down for some company. It’s boring up there all alone.” Isabella waved to Kevin as he put his empty dish in the sink.

“I don’t know what to tell you.” Gary tried to get her back up the stairs.

“I say you let me stay on the couch,” She said with a smirk.

“That’s going to hurt your side, to be on a couch for so long,” Gary replied stalling.

“How about I stay down here during the day, then you can help me upstairs during the night?” Isabella asked going over to the couch.

“I guess I have no choice. There is no changing your mind once you have it made up.” Gary rolled his eyes.

Isabella laughed, shoving off Gary’s snooty mood. During the day Gary tried to make small talk between both Kevin and Isabella, but his mind was racing with thoughts of her. Every time he looked at her he got the image of them as a family, but he quickly shook it off. He knew he could never let her know what he was thinking. This was all so confusing. He had never felt this way towards her before. So why is he starting to now? Is it because he knows Jay is out of the picture?


I'm glad you skipped a week in the middle there. It seemed like time for the story to start moving a bit faster. Comments are marked in the text, as usual.



You're wrong about humanity. They are your greatest creation because they're better than you are. Sure, they're weak, and they cheat and steal and destroy and disappoint, but they also give and create, and they sing and dance and love. Above all, they never give up.
— Metatron