The southern sun beat on Gary’s beat.
Gary's beat? What beat? heartbeat? To Gary's hearbeat?
“Well Belle asked to see him, what was I suppose to say? No?” Joe Don replied defending himself.
Sentences like this can be shorted. Remember, short precise sentences can be better than long ones. So if you can cut your word count down then, awesome. Suggestion here would be the last part of this. You can just knife the replied part and instead of saying defending himself just say defended. "Joe Don defended." Wow, it means the same thing but we cut your words down from five to three. It's progress.
“Oh, Belle, yes,” Jay replied as Belle burst into tears.
Still friends? D:
Most couples are never friends after they break-up. I would have liked to see some more interaction between the two so I could believe how deep their loves goes to the point that they would still consider hanging out and watching each other date new people.
“Well, yeah, for now. Her ribs are broken and she did have a mild concussion. She will be staying here starting tomorrow until she is all better.” Gary sat in the living room with Kevin after they grab a beer.
Does broken ribs mean she can sit up and sleep with another person in the bed?
Overall, this was a good chapter. I liked it and god, Gary is such a perv. >.>
Ahaha, that just makes the whole thing funnier, actually. Well, I'm on to the next, see you.
-Shear