The Emotionless are Undead

You need to stop judging the lives you haven’t lived!
How dare you say that love isn’t love, especially when you have never felt it!
How can you do this? Your opinion blathered out –
It scarred me deeply, and you’ll never know.

Who am I to say what is or isn’t your beliefs,
But… who are you to say what mines are as well?
You’re terrible, you’re a terrible being. Not human!
Humans have emotion; their face can express joy and pain,
And their heart can sense love and hate…
Who are you to block what the heart can say?

And don’t call me young! I’m sick of you already,
And I barely know you! I’m sick of your morals!
I would have ended up like you if I hadn’t dared to experiment with life!
Life is a gift, and though reality is a burden and is sick and surreal,
There is peace within it.
You’re too young to say what love is, you’re too immature to know!
You cannot save me; you cannot save all of us, because it’s too late!

Nobody asked for your opinion, nobody asked for your help.
Just get the hell out of my mind! Leave me the hell alone!
You’re distorting my view of the outside world with your clumsy irony!
I’m careful, but you don’t know me well enough to be sure, do you?
Well I’m telling you, I am, I am! I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, and I don’t whore around,
And if you ever, ever think you can try and change my mind about my life.
Don’t even tell me you won’t! I know you will.

And don’t you ever call me Liz.


(*SIGHS*! People, you know? The nerve, you know? I didn’t organize this as good as I thought I did, and there’s a ton more I want to say.. I think I should also get rid of the long lines, but now that I think of it I want ot keep it, but I'll decide that after the critiques come.

And if this person knows who they are they better not PM me or even come near me, emailing me or anything… I don’t want to have contact with zombies, the undead, those that feel no emotion. *Gets pissed and turns away.* The nerve.)

You're a deft hand at rants, TBR. ^_^ ...and I think you've got most of the aspects of a good poem as well, if rather scattered in the heat of the moment.

Life is a gift, and though reality is a burden and is sick and surreal,
There is peace within it.
You’re too young to say what love is, you’re too immature to know!

Here's the theme/tone I think best epitomises the piece. Shorter lines, and killing some of the screaming for the above images (they tell better than telling) will make the poem flow--and hit harder.

So...

Life is a gift,
though [false reality, maybe? surreality?] reality is a burden, sick and surreal,
There is peace within it.
[here, perhaps 'youth is too soon to know'?]You’re too young to say what love is, you’re too immature to know!

The point of the piece I think, would come across more dramatically were 'you' not to be noted so strongly - but the images and feelings told just as intensely.

The repetition of 'know' was good, like a beat - more constant would give a good thread to follow throughout.

Ah...long crit. I loved the feeling in it...and you're entirely right, it wasn't quite formed.

I don't think I meant surreality in that burden, sick part... I think I missed a line... I was going to say something like

You're too busy living in Lala Land to take notice, you're too safe
You're too protected, you're too sure of yourself

Something like that... I don't kow, tell me what you think about that before I edit...

Emotion, welcome back to me!

Elizabeth wrote:You're too busy living in Lala Land to take notice, you're too safe
You're too protected, you're too sure of yourself

I like the repetition in that... It would tie in well, connect the 'surreal' bit (if you want to leave that) with the rest of the poem.

GAH! ... if I must, then I will... it's like 2 AM... ... ... I'll work on it whenever I can sneak back on lol.