Beyond the "golden" rainbow...

They say there’s gold beyond the rainbow,

Beyond the liquid crystals.
I say our minds are driven,
Driven by our wicked sight.
I’ve seen beyond the rainbow,
It's colored black and grey.
The sound of harmful screeches,
Echoing between the nonexistence

Are they still willing to seek the gold?
No fear, of what is yet to unfold?

The fairies and mountains,
Grasshoppers and butterflies,
Fled over the rainbow,
And took their vow
They left behind a saying:
“Oh gold, where art thou?”

Chandni13 wrote:They say there’s gold beyond the rainbow
Beyond the liquid crystals.

Add a comma after rainbow. But...hmm, beyond the rainbow. I've never heard of beyond the rainbow.

Chandni13 wrote:I say people’s minds are driven,
[s]Driven [/s]by their wicked sight.

It would flow better without 'driven'. Also, I think you should replace 'people's minds' with 'our minds'.

Chandni13 wrote:I’ve seen beyond the rainbow,
Its colors black and grey.

Its colors? Firsts of all, it should be It's, and second of all, it just doesn't sound good. Might I suggest 'Colored black and grey'.

Chandni13 wrote:The sound of harmful screeches,
Echoing between decay.

Now you're rhyming all of a sudden? You shouldn't just burst into rhyme, since all the lines before these didn't. 'Decay' is also a pretty empty rhyme, it doesn't really make sense. The reader will also think that you just picked a random word that rhymed with grey.

Chandni13 wrote:Still willing to seek the gold?
No fear, of what is yet to unfold?

Stil willing to seek the gold? Huh? What about, 'Still trying to find the gold?' or 'Still seeking the gold?' The next line is also a bit confusing.

Chandni13 wrote:“Oh gold where art thou?”

This last line is...awesome. But add a comma after 'gold'.

Yeah what he said, Other than that i'd have to say i like it alot.

thnx electric I've changed it a bit, hope it flows better, although I personally didn't think the flow was all that bad like that what you suggested about "Driven" I just left it like that

Greets

i think its good, cant find any typos/spelling/grammar/punctuation/other errors. good job.

not to bad. good imagery. I can't find too much wrong with it, so good job :p

I agree, it does flow better. I like it. good job

I like it a lot. I can only say that the line 'Echoing through nothingness' seems akward.

Actually...

I’ve seen beyond the rainbow,
Its colors black and grey.

Its colors? Firsts of all, it should be It's, and second of all, it just doesn't sound good. Might I suggest 'Colored black and grey'.

Technically... it shouldn't be It's. This is one of those really weird things where regular grammar rules don't apply, so there actually is no apostrophe.

I do agree with EBM's second point though. 'Colo(u)red black and grey' does sound better.

All in all, I like the ideas presented by the poem. There doesn't seem to be any rhythm in the poem though, which is a shame - it makes it sound sort of stilted.

Another thing; if you're going to have rhyme within a poem, it's best to have it all the way through. I actually think this would work better without rhyme, sort of a free-write.

My favourite part? Here you go...

They say there’s gold beyond the rainbow,
Beyond the liquid crystals.
I say our minds are driven,
Driven by our wicked sight.

I like how you switch from third to first here. It's almost as though you, as the author, are questioning what 'they' are saying.

Just work on the rhythm, and see how it turns out.

--Kay