Strong Strong message here, very good indeed 
a few turns and tweaks would sure do this good or shall we say better 
They light candles, despite the flourescent lighting
and large windows lighting the hallway
The wicks of the small, round candles
slowly burn down to nothingness, like a sort of primitive sand dial
burning away the days, hours and minutes.
Just added a comma here, the flow was rather strange I thought
The repeated word : "burn" cut's off the rythem quite a bit, I'm sure you could find another word explaning "burning away of days"
The smells of blood, tears, sweat and morphine combine and mingle
and mix together to make a sort of perfume of death
an
Ode D'Mort, so to speak
Err the sentence there started out so well, and yet somehow got a little cracked at the end...the last part "and mix together" sounds a bit forced
I would rather leave mingle away, and just put "mix together" or you could leave "mingle" You're usage of letting the "An" out on its own is brilliant
and then to add that "Ode D'Mort" Splendid, Very well done.There are no children here.
Only mourners, only the hopeful, only those being mourned.
Mothers, young and old, crying for their sons and daughters in the ICU
Even younger wives and girlfreinds, frantically praying to the God that they rarely acknowledge
to save their husbands and boyfreinds
The "and" why so much "and" somehow make's it unpleasant to read
To me if you'd repeat "only" the flow would be much better Nice sentence built next, nice structure
A question ? Are boyfriend and girlfriend intentionally written that way ??
And save them He will
but from what? From death? or from the pain, and destruction of this life?
Shall he just take his toll on His children, or shall he be a merciful King?
Yet, there are no children here.
It's no harm using "from" here, but in my view, I'd rather not repeat it
Read it out loud, and maybe you'll hear the difference Nice stanza ending
You see it in their eyes
as they cry, they mourn, they pray
and yet
you see it in them--the sparkle deep in their tear-moistened eyes, in their smile after a comforting word, in their laughter at a well-needed joke--that maybe, someday, there may yet be children here
Again, the repeatitive "and" use "and" as an closure to ur sentence
Repeating the word "and" is very non-rythmatical (if that's a word 
)
Errhhmm if I'm not mistaken, "their" smile would be correct
Very Very nice closure
I enjoyed reading as well as giving my critique. You've had many critique's so far use them wisely For this might be something big
Keep Writing !
Greetings, Chandni
