I know you've probably heard this thousands of times, but if there's one thing I hate in this damned world we live in, is shallow people.
These 'shallows' come in all different varieties, ranging from moronic to...****ing stupid. I'm sure you high-schoolers know exactly what I'm talking about.
"You can't be my friend because you're not cute enough/you follow rules."
Well, DAMN. If they put rules there for us to break them, then we'd be living in quite a hellhole, wouldn't we? (And by hellhole I mean moreso than we live in at the moment, which could definitely be considered a hellhole, just not as intense.)
I also find it EXTREMELY attractive in a female who cares more about the symmetry of someone's face than their DAMN TALENTS.
"Wow! You're cute and muscular and you smash into other sweaty men in some kind of team sport of which I know nothing about! Well, GOLLY! I think that's enough POSITIVE things for me to ignore the fact that you're a raging alcoholic and blow your brains out on lines of crack every 27 minutes! YIPPITY YAY!"
SCREW THAT. I don't exist to please you in every way possible. I'm here to get through life without dying in some sort of freak accident. (Oh, and actually PASS my classes and not have to snort some sort of foreign substance to keep myself going.)
Jocks jocks jocks. I can't tell you how much I hate 'em. Not ALL of them, mind you. Just the ones that are 100% walking jockstrap from hell. You know, the kind that will be paid six million dollars a minute to smash into other sweaty people on network televison while injecting (YET AGAIN) foreign substances into their arm so that they may smash into other sweaty men at a higher efficiency. Yeah. Those.
And no! Why not pay these people to kick balls and get pissed off on TV? I don't see why paying these muscular freaks while teachers, people who shape the personalities and intellects of our children, get close to nothing, is a bad thing. EVERYONE knows that sweat is worth FAR more than an established career path. And we MOST CERTAINLY know that watching a program about people smashing into each other is more important than ANYTHING the scientific community could come up with.
"Solve world hunger? HELL NO. We need that money for more equipment to smash into and cheap-ass hot dogs for our dumbass consumers to buy while they sit on their $12 seat cushion made of crunched up bits of glass!"
I mean, it's PERFECTLY CLEAR that each game of football we play makes world peace just one step closer. Duh. Oh, and get me a hotdog while you're up.
Also, you should be perfectly aware that if you are a teenage male and you are not involved in any team sports involving smashing into things, you are INDEED GAY, and should be reminded of said state atleast once every three minutes. If you don't smash into stuff, it OBVIOUSLY means that you're attracted to members of the same sex as you. Duh.
"Haven't you ever taken that uh...Calculometry thing? Yeah. The Pizza-therian Theorem thing. The one that says 'Not smash into stuff=Gay.' Yeah. That one. Duh."
In the real world, apparently the density of your muscles outweighs your ability to actually pass a class. Failing six classes? THAT'S A-OK. Just smash into this guy a few more times and we'll give you a scholarship worth five times as much as the one we gave to that kid who studied every night and aced everything he worked on. We know that YOU DEFINITELY deserve a free ride to college more than he does. College is a magical place where you party and party and party until some stuffy administrator guy comes and finally kicks you out. If you are indeed kicked out, YOU'VE SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETED COLLEGE! Congratulations! Put that partying experience to work while you're washing my car! Don't forget to vacuum the dashboard!
NOTE:This is NOT IN ANY WAY MEANT TO BE SERIOUS. I'm not blowing off steam. I'm not off my rocker. I'm in a completely good mood, and I wrote this PURELY for my own enjoyment.
This rant does not target any specific gender or race. If it may seem that females are mentioned quite a bit, it is probably because I am, indeed, a male, and as you can imagine females are on my mind quite a bit. I am not saying that all people are like those that are depicted in this piece. I have met plenty more good people than I've met jocks/materialists, I assure you.
This was written in pure fun. I made myself laugh quite a bit, but then again I have a weird sense of humor.
